I have this inner bitch. She gets ALL funky on people who don’t do anything. She gets all up in arms over conversations she’s never had with people. She’s really very a terrible girl. Horrible. She kicks *my* ass all the time. Also? She cusses. Entirely. Too. Much.

I got to go SHOPPING today! My little sister was able to point out a few stylish things I can use to go out in and cover my belly. (You have to excuse the bloated, overweight look I’m sporting tonight. I swear I was feeling thin just this morning. Must’ve been the lack of water and the three coffees I had today. Body for life starts next Monday.. ahem.. Kelli).

I snore. Bad. Here’s a secret: Once, when I was pregnant, I shit you not, I called the hospital to ask if I could hurt the baby from snoring at night. I’m dead serious. I think they laughed but I meant how the hell is my child getting enough OXYGEN through my stuffed up, messed up nose? Hu?

Since I was tagged by both Erin and Sara for this little bloggy go-around me me and linky love, I thought I’d post one there and one other there. So as I get to tag TEN people and you have to hear A LOT about me. Muhahahaha.

I am currently sitting in the back of our SUV with the doors open in our driveway working. The child fell asleep just as we were coming home and is so out of it, she didn’t move when we got out the groceries, the stroller, the dogs.  In fact, she’s so peacefull, we left her. Mr. Flinger says, “How come they don’t make carriers for big kids.” Well, ya see, ‘cause Moms don’t want t haul around 5 year olds in a carrier to and from the car. Instead, they’d rather sit in the back enjoying some sun and blogging.

Amen for the convertable car seat. Guess I can’t do laundry from here, hu.

MIL left today about noon. I woke up at 11am this morning for the first actual sleep I’ve had in 6 days. Aside from sweating, tossing and turning, not breathing, puking and not being able to eat, the last week is a blur.  I was finally given antibiotics on Wednesday night after going back to the doctor. I have

had Strep Throat. Strep is not a terminal illness, but I swear, I was dying.

I’m 36 hours into antibiotics and while my throat still holds on to some of the pussy legions (groooossss), there are a lot less of them, I can (almost) swallow and I feel like dancing. Kinda.

I’m busy, y’all. BUSY. I got another class to teach this August, I have a few designs and I’m scrounging up my past work (which sucks.. woah.. I didn’t realize how much I’ve learned) to add to my portfolio. I’m torn if I should even post past work. Of course I’m capable of more now, but it’s a simple design that I used to use, so I probably will tout it.

The book club.. Ahhh, yes.. are y’all reading?? I’ve been sick and able to read Hypocrite in a Puffy White Dress for hours, y’all. HOURS. I’m on page 260-something. Y’all, this book KICKS ASSSS. I love it. I’ve laughed amid fever chills and puking. THAT is a good book. It’s been great to go to a place where I’m not me, I’m not dying, and I’m a lesbian newspaper reporter (my favorite chapter thus far) instead. So, lemme know where y’all are at. You’ve got another week or so.. (we can extend it if you want). In fact, how’s this? Shall we.. say.. extend Hypocrite in a Puffy White Dress until July 10th and start Harry Potter on July 16th? Anyone up for that?

Did I tell you that when I was pregnant, everything smelled like onion? My friend’s shampoo was onion. My husband seeped onion into our room at night while he breathed and I’d come in from the bathroom and gag from the smell.  The dish soap was onion.  The laundry, fresh out of the dryer, smelled like onion. I gagged from all the onion smell all the time. I grew to hate onions. I still cant eat them.

I’m not just about lying in bed feeling like totally crap. heckno. I’ve got things brewin’.

So, the good news is I’m not dying. It’s a virus. A good ol’ shitty virus. I went to the doctor, came home, curled up in a freezing cold ball under two down comforters and fell asleep for a few hours. I was at 101.5 when I came home and now am back down (PRAISE THE LORD FOR TYLENOL) to 99.

Did I tell you I have pink eye? I do. Yea, gave myself a freakin’ infection from RUBBING MY EYE TOO MUCH with allergies. Sexy. Also? I’m hot and sitting on the bed now, in my bra tank and panties and the satelite guy just came to fix the satelite. It’s like some really really really bad porno…..

“Hey, sexy, can I rub my eye on you or cough all over your sexy handsome body? Yea, baby.. I’m hot.. feel me.. fevery hot.. **cough cough** **wretch, puke**  Rauuur…”

**Mr. Flinger is here to take care of me so at no time did the satelite guy actually SEE my sexy body (poor him, hu?) But the stupid guy left the back gate open FIVE HOURS AGO and one of our dogs took off. Buddy is gone. Y’all… where the HELL could Buddy have gone to?? Have you ever lost a dog? Damn mutt. Our numbers are on his tag. It’d be nice if someone called (if he’s not dead on the busy road near by)... :(

Come home Buddy.. Come home!

I woke up today with a 101.5 fever. I’m sick, ya’ll. Achy, tummy, stuffy, sore throat sick. Also, my neck hurts. I figured it’s from being all achy? Well, the nurse just asked if I had a stiff neck, yes, I say, I do. That answer got me an appointment. Shit. What does that mean? She said, “Just to be sure it’s not something more serious.”

Now I’m scared I’m going to die.. must… google.. stiff… neck…

Oh, lord… bacterial meningitis? Spinal tap?? Surely they won’t do a spinal tap on me… right? RIGHT?!

Ok, so it’s probably just the virus LB had, right.. ok.. I’m breathing.. have all the symptoms.. am.. breathing..

“Early diagnosis and treatment is the key to survival with normal function and no deafness.” Well, that’s good.

Shit.