Ahhh, screw molars. She is my fave.Read more
I understand where “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water” came from.
How the hell did I live through the first few months? I. Am. So. Tired.
Best Birth Control Ever.Read more
I’m currently going through all our photos and trimming/organizing/uploading them from the past year. I’m having a hard time choosing some of my faves to upload. But you know how you thought your kid was SO CUTE and you look back and realize.. “ehhh. Maybe she... Read more
Two things: Molars SUCK. New computer GOOD.Read more
When asked if you could please bathe the child, do not look at your wife and ask, “Why? What are YOU going to do?”
Because she will answer, ever so snidely, “I’m going to smoke pot and masterbate in the kitchen, arsehole. No, really? I’ll probably, oh, I dunno, pick up after you and do the dishes and laundry like I do every gawddaham day.”
Trust me. You asked for it.Read more
Does anyone else do this? ...
So, there’s this fancy store in the northwest called Nordstroms. My Mom always went to the anniversary sale because the fancy pansy items were almost affordable then. I, on the other hand, hate that place. I remember one time sitting in the store laughing at all the yuppie rich bitches shopping and making up lame bumper stickers with a friend of mine. “I’d rather be laughing at people who’d rather be shopping at Nordstroms” to counter the “I’d rather be shopping at... Read more
On my way to Starbucks, on the blissfully brisk, sunny November day, there were a collection of motercycles parked out front on the street.
Next to the cycles was a collection of men drooling.Read more
If this was seventh grade PE, my house would be the one standing on the wall waiting to be called on to a team. My house would be the one pegged during dodge ball. My house would be the one whose shorts fell down during volleyball and everyone pointed and laughed. My house is not one of the popular girls. Nobody wants my house.
We’ve dressed her up. We’ve cleaned her up. We bought her contacts so she wouldn’t have to wear those big, clunky glasses. We redid the back yard. We painted. We scrubbed forty friggin’ years of shit off the floor. FORTY YEARS, peeps.... Read more
Y’all… I am not just feeling pukey.. I am hunched over the sink dry heaving. Why? Seriously? Here’s the theory.Read more
I have two babies again.
This is why God didn’t feel I needed twins…Read more