My Latest Favorite Picture of my Beauty 30/Nov/2005

Ahhh, screw molars. She is my fave.

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Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, or the dogs, or the recycling 29/Nov/2005

I understand where “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water” came from.

These.

How the hell did I live through the first few months? I. Am. So. Tired.

Best Birth Control Ever.

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You must’ve been an ok-looking baby… 28/Nov/2005

I can’t believe she’s growing up.

I’m currently going through all our photos and trimming/organizing/uploading them from the past year. I’m having a hard time choosing some of my faves to upload. But you know how you thought your kid was SO CUTE and you look back and realize.. “ehhh. Maybe she... Read more

Hummana Hummana Hummana 28/Nov/2005

Two things: Molars SUCK. New computer GOOD.

image

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It’s just a GAWDDAHAM bath 27/Nov/2005

When asked if you could please bathe the child, do not look at your wife and ask, “Why? What are YOU going to do?”

Because she will answer, ever so snidely, “I’m going to smoke pot and masterbate in the kitchen, arsehole. No, really? I’ll probably, oh, I dunno, pick up after you and do the dishes and laundry like I do every gawddaham day.”

Trust me. You asked for it.

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You may shop there, but I pee there 26/Nov/2005

Does anyone else do this? ...

So, there’s this fancy store in the northwest called Nordstroms. My Mom always went to the anniversary sale because the fancy pansy items were almost affordable then. I, on the other hand, hate that place. I remember one time sitting in the store laughing at all the yuppie rich bitches shopping and making up lame bumper stickers with a friend of mine. “I’d rather be laughing at people who’d rather be shopping at Nordstroms” to counter the “I’d rather be shopping at... Read more

Stero-typically male, stero-typically hilarious (in a not haha way) 23/Nov/2005

On my way to Starbucks, on the blissfully brisk, sunny November day, there were a collection of motercycles parked out front on the street.

Next to the cycles was a collection of men drooling.

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It is like seventh grade gym class all over gain, minus the shorts and lesbian gym teacher 20/Nov/2005

If this was seventh grade PE, my house would be the one standing on the wall waiting to be called on to a team. My house would be the one pegged during dodge ball. My house would be the one whose shorts fell down during volleyball and everyone pointed and laughed. My house is not one of the popular girls. Nobody wants my house.

We’ve dressed her up. We’ve cleaned her up. We bought her contacts so she wouldn’t have to wear those big, clunky glasses. We redid the back yard. We painted. We scrubbed forty friggin’ years of shit off the floor. FORTY YEARS, peeps.... Read more

OH MAH GAH.. chronicles from the puke files 17/Nov/2005

Y’all… I am not just feeling pukey.. I am hunched over the sink dry heaving. Why? Seriously? Here’s the theory.

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Think of me today… 16/Nov/2005

I have two babies again.

This is why God didn’t feel I needed twins…

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