Mrs. Flinger: Based on a True Story

You mean I can get a poke any time I wanna? 21/Dec/2005

#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz#got pee sticks?

No, it’s not the latest porn movie hitting the Internet, it’s what my Doc said after I admitted to peeing away hundreds of dollars in pregnancy sticks.  After last week’s episode, she demanded I take a blood pregnancy test because, let’s face it, I was whacked and a week late. Also, regardless of how many fake positive or real negative tests I take, I still believe I’m pregnant. Hell, I can be bleeding like a stuck pig and think I’m pregnant. Trust me. Or don’t. Read it for yourself.

Anyway, so she calls with the results telling me, upon my... Read more

I’m sorry, did you just say “COCK” fighting? 20/Dec/2005

When this is the top story, you know it’s a slow news day.

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Don’t judge the size of the poo by the stank 19/Dec/2005

You know the ol’ sayings: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover; It’s not what’s outside that matters in a person; Don’t judge the size of the poo by the stink. Oh, haven’t heard that last one? Well you will, especially if you’re ever within, say, ten thousand feet of my daughter.

Her poop is the smelliest shit (literally) I have ever laid olfactory nerves on. (Yes, I said “olfactory nerves”. I took Anatomy in college. Aren’t you impressed? Be impressed! I *r-e-t-a-i-n-e-d something from college! Sure, it’s about how I can smell shit with these super small cillia and stuff, but who cares! That’s money well spent…) Anywho, this kid’s... Read more

I’m OK, you’re OK and other warm fuzzies this time of year *updated 18/Dec/2005

#Life#Good News

We’ve had a great weekend. Thank you so much for all your support and love. I luff all of it. Truly, every stinkin’ one of your emails/comments/cards/phone calls (!) mean so much so thank you thank you. I’ve gone back to my regular dosage and, amazingly, things started perking up. In addition, we headed out of town Friday night, saw my best friends in Seattle, and then *I* was blessed with a girl’s night out while Mr “WWE”, to quote Claire, took LB and gave me and my gals free rein of Bellevue. Sometimes, y’all, the man rocks. Last night he rocked his big bad ass and put LB to bed all by himself while mommy went out to Starbucks and the Rock Bottom to partay it up and talk about pubic hair, what men... Read more

If mental disorders are hip, I’m finally “in” 15/Dec/2005

#Rants and Raves

I had a rough day. Really, it started a week ago when my shrink (yes, I have a shrink and yes, I realize how friggin’ hip and soooo ‘two thousands’ that makes me) told me it’s ok, and time, to start reducing my Post Partum Depression medication. “Swell!” I said. I cut my meds by 10mg about a week ago. Then all brain hell cut loose.

Without rehashing my whole day, let’s just say that the following highlights can push a Post Partum Brain Effed woman over the edge:

  • Starbucks gets my drink all wrong. I go back. They hand me another drink and I promptly drop the whole thing in the parking lot at Costco. Without having enjoyed even a fourth of it.
  • At Costco they tell me they can’t get my Christmas Cards made up.... Read more

    And the winner is…. *updated* 15/Dec/2005

    #Life

    I did the drawing today. Look! I even documented it for y’all.

    First I wrote 45 numbers on the paper. Then I cut each number into strips. I had no idea who each number went to, but I knew there were 45 comments and thus, 45 numbers get put in the hat.

    imageRead more

    mommy brain officially costs us over a thousand dollars. Effit. 12/Dec/2005

    #Social Clutz Loveable Spaz

    Remember how I asked y’all about that online bill paying? Well, apparently, I signed us up for some automated deduction of our most expensive bill. Hey! Look at how convenient it is! It’ll pay our mortgage for us. Every month! Oh, I almost peed myself. Thrilling. Joyous. Oh, technology at it’s best!

    Well, as we know, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I mean, I smashed a perfectly good camera on the freeway, which wasn’t even the first time I... Read more

    Real Life 12/Dec/2005

    #Life

    Whatever I was going to post today seems a bit too unnecessary. please go to Starshine’s blog and pray for the mommy on her September message board.

    I think we can all too easily put ourselves in her shoes and I know I cried real tears.

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    The Affair 10/Dec/2005

    #Weght Loss and Body Image

    I’m am one unfaithful wench.

    I just cheated on Sconeday.

    But damn, if your’e gonna cheat, make it worth it.

    Now excuse me, but I can’t hear anything over the sound of my ass enlarging and I might as well get some work done.

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    As if 10/Dec/2005

    #Social Clutz Loveable Spaz

    You won’t believe this chick I met at the park yesterday. First, she looked unshowered and a little frazzled. Her one year old was pretty cute but wasn’t nearly as decked out as my two year old daughter, Emily. I mean, she wasn’t even wearing a cute baby gap knitted hat! Anyway, she obviously needed to lose a few pounds, unlike me- just six weeks after I having our new daughter, I’m back to my size two. She let her kid run around fairly freely and then started talkign to me! She asked nice things at first. We chatted. Then I pointed out my six week old and her eyes got really big. “WOW!” she said, “Congratulations! They’re not even two years apart. You are brave. I think that’ll happen to us seeing as how we’re currently... Read more