Premature Conversation Ejaculator 28/May/2006

I don’t mind being honest with you when I say I can’t stand uncomfortable silence. I can’t. I’m the type of person who will continue to talk just to fill a void. I’ll tell you about my toe nails, my new bra, my hair cut, my vagina. I’ll tell you about anything just to keep the silence away. I think I’m even a little like that on email. I’m not sure how I bridge the gap, but somehow I manage to spew my guts on email just to prevent some silence that may or may not ensue. I mean, how would I know? It’s email.

At the other end of... Read more

Because I can convince a nun she’s pregnant but not that she’s a lesbian 23/May/2006

Two weeks late. Grumpy but not bitchy. Weepy but not pissy. Tired. Sore boobs. Pukey.

Negative.

Wow. This. Is. Really. Getting. Old.

Maybe it’s all those women I sleep with. Yathink?*

Oooh, Internet, before you run around spreading rumors, lemme just say that I’ve stayed up late to see my hunk-o-hunk-a-burning-manhood on the Country Music Awards (which I despise) just because Read more

It’s not you, it’s me. 19/May/2006

So, you might see some post on bloglines (or even in recent comments like when Jamie got to a post) because sometimes I post something for about 10 minutes, decide I want to add to it, take it down and then the kid starts playing with the gas from the BBQ or I realize something I should try to help get Mari back online or I remember my Mom had a really hard day and want to IM her to see how she’s doing.

And then it’s midnight and I go to bed. Until I remember I had this post in draft mode ... and I drift off to... Read more

WaY to kick me when I’m down, buddy. Nice. 17/May/2006

So, you think you’re having a bad day because you open a new design business and someone hacks you. AGAIN. And then you are late, five days, but not pregnant and your daughter didn’t nap and you gained a pound and you’re all weepy and emotional and sad for no good reason.

And THEN there’s this baby at Starbucks, where you go late at night to fix said hacking, all in your sweats and glasses and all the people working are making a big stink about this baby. This little boy baby, who is cute I’ll grant you, but not... Read more

On moms 16/May/2006

Reflecting back on my childhood, I realize there are several things I’d do again. In fact, there are several things my Mom did that I plan, and hope, to use in LB’s (and subsequent children’s) lives. Reflecting back, I realize being my mom just might not be the juicy baggage a therapist might enjoy plucking out of me. But, to quote Mr. Flinger, I’m a “New Age Mom.” I believe it means I come with a pile of sarcasm, a dash if wit and some love tossed into the salad bowl to make a career laden woman with too many emotions and mommy-guilt the size of Texas to... Read more

Thirty Six hours and 12 minutes. Roughly. 12/May/2006

That’s how long I lasted on the “South Beach Diet”.  I am currently blogging a teeny weeny itty bitty bit tipsy since I just downed my two glasses of wine “per week” tonight.

See, they put this “Lose the Belly Fat Fast!” right on the front of the book. I mean, who wouldn’t want that? Ok, not you, but me? I’ll take something, anything, to get rid of the thing I used to call my ab muscles that can only be described now as “water-bed.” ‘Cept they didn’t put on their promotion “no sugar! no... Read more

Now, don’t *I* feel like a bitch? 10/May/2006

Jeeze. Just when you get all saucy and snarky, someone goes and has a great idea. I mean GREAT idea. As in, “let’s actually CELEBRATE all the stuff we do!”

Uhhu. Slap me now. Slap. Me. Now.

So, thanks to Jamie, I saw Read more

A mother’s day contest: Why I deserve mother of the year 10/May/2006

imageI’ve been meaning to do this for some time now. I think it’s only fitting to run this contest the week of Mother’s Day. Since, you know, we all rock the mom-hood and all, it’ll be some tough competition.** (see contest rules and details below)

Let’s see if you can top THIS shiznit:

I walked in and found my toddler eating my Celexa. Can you see it? Walking in and finding your toddler saying,... Read more

Times you should NOT have to consult your blog 08/May/2006

“Babe, my uterus hurts.”

“When is your period due?”

“I dunno. I’ll have to check my archives.”

Read more

Girlfriends, Blogfriends, and the Circle of Friends 07/May/2006

I’ve mentioned how hard it is to break up with a girlfriend before. And the thing about this blogging bidniz is that we’re not in college anymore, we’re not staying up late giggling over the boys next door or laughing about the person down the hall, but we’re up late online, from our houses holding sleeping children and husbands (maybe) and giggling over websites. It’s like dorm-life for the grown up. It’s “girls night out” every night. It’s... Read more