Fixing Mrs. Flinger Feb 20, 2015
I'm currently working on this website. I want to add back the links to blogs I love, some ways to find content easier, and put in archive, at last, some of the ancient articles. Come back to see updates.
My life is a popular chidren’s book and I’m pretty sure I’m the pig Aug 29, 2007
Sometimes I wish I could just write children’s books. I usually think this about twenty minutes after my elation over writing a real book passes with my child’s blood curling “pay attention to me” scream. A children’s book! It’s, like, ten pages! Sixteen words! I could make, what, 40 bucks per word? 100,00 per word? I could so do this!
Then I realize I couldn’t write a children’s book because it’s already been written. And I’m living it.
I’m pretty sure Laura Joffee wrote about me. She wrote about my daughter, too. She’s written several books, in fact, about our daily lives. Because it goes something like this…
If you give a Mommy a todo list:
She will put everything needing to be done since 1988 on it.
How datenight turned in to a car show Aug 26, 2007
#Getting to know me#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz#The Flinger Family
Friday night we were blessed with a date. A DATE. Yea, I know, what’s that? It’s that thing you do when you leave the house without the kids because someone else has generously volunteered been roped in to watching your children. It. Was. Awesome.
(Let me back up here a moment so as to ‘splain it all.)
So. You know I’ve been trying to get my pre-baby body back? And you know how I’m only a whopping twenty pounds away from my goal now? That’s like two dimes or two-decades, whichever. Anyway, I’ve been working out and eating well. Eating well means including a lot of snap peas for snacks. It also means wearing some pre-pregnancy clothes that haven’t seen the daylight since 2003. Or 2005, I forget.
Since it’s our first...
Somewhere between Ployanna and Mommy Dearest Aug 24, 2007
#Parenting Siblings#post partum depression#Baby O
We all have those days. You know the ones? I’m willing to wager that you’ve experienced days that make getting a root canal a vacation. In fact, I went to Target sans children minutes from the store closing and considered it a vacation. Tar Jay? Is. My. Vacation.
:: shakes head ::
It’s not that I didn’t know these days would happen. I had these days before kids so what would make me think I’d feel like June Cleaver when I was Maggie O’Connel before kids? I fantasized about living in a cabin in Alaska with my rugged boyfriend who happened to resemble (strongly) John Corbett. (YUMMM)
Oh, hang on, BoyChild is screaming.
Ok. Now? Now I’m…
Hang on, GirlChild needs “SQUEEZE YOGURRRTTTT.”
Now I’m just trying to make it...
Order in the Courts Aug 24, 2007
There is a very specific way in which the events of the morning must take place. First, Baby O must be fed and rocked at 5:30 AM. This is to ensure that the rest of the family gets out of the house before 4:00 pm. Then I must workout at 6:15AM because working out is the same as five doses of anti-depressants and 6 bottles of booze. Together. Well, not quite, but you know what I mean. Then there needs to be swaddle/nap for the baby, a shower for the mommy and, if time allows, coffee. Blessed coffee. Foldgers hit the nail on the very-handsome-in-the-morning-man’s head.
Then there is massive amounts of praying. “Please Please Please don’t wake up. Please don’t wake up.”
“Please Please Please play quietly. Please play quietly.”
A letter of resignation Aug 21, 2007
Look, I’ve had some hard jobs. I’ve worked technical support for a school district with over 100,000 users and only TWELVE support specialist. I’ve answered, “I don’t know my email password” and “How do I change my desktop picture?” more times than I care to confess. It took patience. Not as much patience as the time I worked in a daycare with a class of eight two year olds and only ONE of me all stuffed in a twelve-by-twelve room for nine hours a day. I thought that was really hard at the time. But this job? This parenting gig? It’s so. much. harder.
I don’t want to be the mom with the crazy hair and the furrowed brow and the flames shooting out her nose. I don’t want to be the women with the premature gray hairs, the...
Mad(libs) Monday *now with the part you’ve all been waiting for! Aug 20, 2007
Because I’m over here SEWING, (Yes, you read that correctly. Mr. Flinger almost fell off his chair, too, then quickly recovered and said, “OH! Are you going to knit me a sweater and bake me a pie, too? Jackass.) I thought I’d entertain myself and, well, you (hopefully) with a madlibs. Remember those? Sureyado. I hear they’re better when you’re high but, um, I’ve never been high so let’s call sleep deprivation the same diff and move along, shall we?
Well then. Here’s the game:
It’s A Commercial Message from The Sponsor
Here’s what you’ll put in the blanks:
Type of Liquid:
Some people in life make you want to get 30 commenters to say Happy Birthday to them Aug 20, 2007
We moved to Seattle nearly ten months ago. It was a move we planned and hoped for, but also one that would be a huge adjustment. It was also the weekend we found out we were pregnant. (And be “we” I mean “me”.) We said goodbye to people we love including a hot Starbucks barista who made last summer extra yummy. We left and came up here. Here to our new home.
Sometimes all it takes is one person who you initially connect with to turn everything around.
It’s been only half a year we’ve been hanging out but in that short amount of time she’s introduced me to a group of women I connect with, friends my child loves and adores, people and places I consider familiar and home. She’s opened up an entire world to me here, one that gives our...
Mama don’t let your son grow up stereo-typical Aug 18, 2007
#Parenting Siblings#Baby O
To my Son,
You know that thing you found yesterday? The Thing you found that you and your Daddy posses and your sister and I don’t? That Thing is going to come in very handy while you’re camping. But that Thing is going to piss your wife off to no tomorrow when you take the opportunity to sleep in every Saturday while she takes the kids, again, and you somehow find the time to take a thirty minute shit while she has to do it with the baby strapped to her.
It’s a bitter sweet thing you just found there, Son. Good luck with that.
One, Two, 1-2-3-4 Aug 16, 2007
#Good News#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz
Please sing in your best country-sounding voice. There needs to be twang. Sadly, every time I try to make “twang” in my head it comes out “Bow Chicka Chicka Bow Bow.” So, go for less porn and more TWANG, ok?
Also, I am completely sober. S-O-B-E-R. I’m like a guy on Alcohol, I couldn’t get it going. But once I got sober, the words just started flowing.
:: ahem ::
Oh! Two Buck Chuck I’m in love with you
You’ve got more spunk than a party shoe
You make me dance with grace and rhythm
When I drink you, I’ve got biorythm
You only cost just two ninety-nine
You are the best thing to happen to wine
Your Cab Sav is red and smooth
if I saw you at a party, I’d make a move
Come live with me the rest of my days
Two buck Chuck, on you I can...
My eyes, they may be bigger than my stomach, and that is hard to do Aug 15, 2007
#Social Clutz Loveable Spaz
Internet? Internet? You there still? Ok, so look, I .. um.. have ideas. All these IDEAS just sort of swirling around my brain all, “BLAHBLAHBLAH ooh! I could do THIS! And THIS and, well, we need THIS, too!” and I have plans, big plans, plans for remodeling websites and member areas and podcasts, and new sites, and and and and and…
And then my brain explodes.
Then the baby needs things and the toddler melts down and the sun comes out and melts my ass to the park bench.
That’s the short short version.
I believe there are all kinds of people in life. Those who have the power of “the big picture.” There are detail people, there are the do-ers, the idea-ers, and the planners. There are those who sit and observe whilst contemplating word peace and...