Consider this my virtual door. Picture a few cob-webs with jack-o-lanterns glowing on the front porch and a fun spooky CD piping through the window.
Now, picture being REALLY terrified when John McCain and Sarah Palin answer the door.
Today I turn thirty-three. Thirty. Three. I’m boggled. I’m blinded.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Most average days I just get by. I email, I make lunches, I make dinner, I do the dishes, I tuck covers in over tiny people. I try to remember a life before this and I can’t.
Mr. Flinger and I have challenged each other to a duel. With the upcoming elections upon us (yes, yes, I know, we’re all very very tired of the talk) we decided to take the bull by the horn, so to speak. To grab the ass by the donkeysack, as it where.
Basically, we’re giving ourselves a college assignment and I hope you’ll join us.
The assignment is thus: (Always throw in “thus” when giving out assignments making yourself look smarter and more intelligent in the process.)
1. Pick five topics from both candidates that you feel strongly... Read more
Michelle entered this photo (I know, she’s freaking amazing,... Read more
I love you, Sweetie. Beyond the Mommy Guilt and the fits and the shoes. I love you deeply, utterly, grandly.
Beyond the cavern.
*Excuse the stream of consciousness here, but I’m going to write and then get started on work. I think I need to put This Stuff Down so I can take it out of my brain and focus on other things that make people happy like CLEAN CODE and NAVIGATIONS THAT WORK and CSS VALIDATION. So, sorry ahead of time for the lack of editing. It’s been a long night. Also, please note: I am not going crazy or super depressed. I’m frustrated. I’m tired. I’d like to use a lot of eff words. I know you understand. Thank you.
Tomorrow my daughter turns four years old.... Read more
Hi Internet. It’s been too long. Too long since I came here with a pee stick clutched in my fist shaking my head in disbelief. Too long since I peed on my secret stash of tests. Too long since I groped by boobs and came here saying, “Dude, they are like MELONS.”
It’s an obsession I happily traded for red wine and compulsive furniture re-arrangement. I happily fled the “Am I? Aren’t I?” with the one joyous side effect of BORN AGAIN VIRGIN 2008.
I mean, hey, it saves money,... Read more
My daughter talks. She talks. And talks. And talks. A few days ago we challenged her to be quiet for five minutes. “Just FIVE minutes. I’ll buy you a pony!” the mister bribed.
She failed at 2 minutes 5 seconds.
She talks through everything: coloring, playing with her mice. (Oh, yes! she has invisible mice! You know? Like Cinderella? Or the crazy cat lady in the psych ward?) She talks about her friends. She talks so much she even narrates her poop.
The other day I was standing there waiting for my daughter to pinch off a tootsie roll listening to... Read more
My daughter turns four this month. My sweet, lovely, baby-powder fresh girl turns four.
I mean fifteen.
I mean four.
The mouthiness, the arguing, the smarting-off combined with a child who STILL PEES HERSELF several times A DAY is giving me more gray hair, more crazy bags.
She’s four and I already don’t know what to do with her.
After two hours of total meltdown, I made this video.
After two minutes, you might wonder who had the actual meltdown.
And it’ll be obvious who needs cover-up.
Come one, come all, show your tweens, teens and husbands: The Birth Control known as ....
TOTAL MELTDOWN 2008: