As a little girl sitting in a pew at St Mary’s Catholic Church, I was pretty sure the Priest was talking directly to me about 90% of the time. (The other 10% I figured he was talking about those girls at school who really needed to go to confession for breaking commandment number 5: Honor your father and mother because surely that could never be me.) Even if it was a sermon about giving money back to the church or not overdoing the strong drink, or treating work as a sanctuary, I still took these to heart at 8 years of age. God was telling me something. He had to be. Didn’t I just have too much Tang yesterday?
The thing is this didn’t just happen at church. Even though I don’t attend church any more (for a variety of reasons) I still find the Universe taking massive attempts to tell me something.
Or maybe I’m just really really very self absorbed.
Every song, every movie, every quote from the books I read seem to reach in to my subconscious and pull out the feelings I’ve spent a few months (years?) doing my best to shove down. It’s like buying a new car and suddenly everyone on the road is driving your car. Or naming your child and suddenly everyone has an Owen. You know how in your own mind you’ve started a trend when in reality, you’re just opening up to seeing something that’s been there all along because it means more to you know?
It’s like that. Only more.
So I really shouldn’t be shocked at all when Sensei George tells the children’s story after karate and he is, I am not kidding, speaking directly to me. I mean, sure, he tells a story of moral value after every karate class he teaches. Sure he tells about 80 different stories he chooses based on what the children seem to need to hear. But y’all, Sensei George turned to my heart and spoke priest-like to the 8 year old inside of me last night.
“When you stand, stand. When you sit, sit. Whatever you do, do not wobble.”
This might not mean as much to you, or maybe it does, but these fourteen words hit a place in my troubled heart. How does he know I needed to hear that?
I swear I actually looked back on Facebook posts and blog posts to see if maybe I gave away something.
Maybe I need to accept the fact that sometimes the marvel of the human brain is how it grabs on to what it needs to hear, process, and apply to situations. Maybe I need to listen more and shove feelings away less. Maybe I need to own up to the fact that even in mid-life I’m still learning how to hear when the Universe knocks …. or calls collect… and when to answer.