Geeky Talks
A plea from a mother of a toddler who will not sleep
You wouldn’t think someone this adorable could cause any trouble.
And oh, you’d be wrong. And also a suckah.
I can remember sitting behind the recliner listening to the theme song from St. Elsewhere. I remember my mother, without looking back, yelling, “GO TO BED” and wondering how she even knew I was there. I was so quiet! The woman had eyes on the back of her head. She till does.
The theme music has changed, the recliner is different, but the person sitting behind the chair refusing to go to bed is reminiscent of 1982.
My son, my precious baby boy, the apple of my eye, is pissing me right the hell off. The Boy willl not, for any bribes, threats, pleads, stay in his bed. He will not sleep before 10PM or past 6:30AM. He knows what he wants and he wants it. It’s us. He’s changed in to a little man wanting late night TV and a whisky (ok, fine, “milk” whatever) until way past bedtime. Past OUR bedtime.
Last night in a fit of “what DO I DO WITH YOU” I stated, “Every time you get out of bed, you lose a lovey.” It had a “This Wonderful Life” tone to it but with threats, lovies, and the absence of an adorable child telling a story about angels. It also didn’t work.
I tried putting him back in his pac-n-play telling him only big boys get to be in big boy beds and when he feels he’s ready to be a big boy and stay in his MAN BED, he can have that again. He said, “OH! MY CRIB! YEY!”
Epic Fail.
I’ve lost hair over this. I’ve tried guilt trips, bribes, threats. I’ve let him stay up, I’ve stayed in bed and snuggled, I’ve read extra books, I’ve tried to ignore the behavior.
I have no good answer. I have no good solution. I have my regrets for letting this kid sucker me in to manipulate me with his charming ways of telling me he loves me and his adorable ways of being two.
And now? I’m paying for it.
Help? Please? I’ll let you stay up late. I’ll even buy you a pony.
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if this story isn’t birth control right here, i dont know what is. Is it unethical or illegal to slip him a roofie?
Fresh air and exercise are the biggest factors in getting my kids to go to sleep and stay asleep.
I posted a list of sleep tips here:
http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/28/gentle-baby-and-toddler-sleep-tips/
The post includes a number of book recommendations. At his age, I would recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers.
Oh Annie, I ran them like mad yesterday thinking the same thing. We hit a park almost daily if I can. I’ll go check out the list including the No Cry Sleep Solution.
My sister tells my nephew when he misbehaves that she’s going to sell him to the gypsies. Tried that yet?
You know what mine does? This: “Mama! Mama! I WUUUV YEEEEW! ” (holds arms out with sweet, expectant look) “Kisses?”
And then my name is Jello.
Yeah. Kid gets whatever he wants.
(P.S. Our sleep problem was similar, but not nearly as bad. I can tell you what I did, that worked for us… If you want. Lemme know)
There really aren’t any great solutions that I have found with our kids. Patience (what little I could summon) and consistency.
It is painful. I agree.
What I kept reminding myself, and it really did help, is that there are almost no typically developing 12-year-old boys that still wake up and ask to sleep with their parents.
This too shall pass. Stay strong and try to just be consistent. These kids, they can smell fear
Bach Rescue Remedy? Works on my LO, but then she’s only 3 months old. But don’t let that fool you. She’ll happily sit and cry about being tired. But sleep? No chance. Rescue Remedy helps her settle, and is completely natural and has no side effects. And there’s an alcohol free version too. Good luck!
How about a gate?
Our 5 year old got out after she was told to go to bed…she’s the only one we’ve ever had issues with…our two boys go to bed and stay in bed…we’ve taken away pillows, blankets, binkies, lovies, the LIGHTS…
What helped was talking with her during the day…we had a sticker chart and the morning she got stickers for her paper…10 stickers was sugar cereal…hey, bribes worked for us!
Patience…but be consistent.
I sit in my son’s bed working on my laptop(after reading him books and such). It’s the only way I have found to “be” with him at bedtime (like he wants) without being resentful about it (like I want.) Not a perfect solution by any means, but it’s working for now.
If you find the solution? Let me know. My darling insomniac princess turns 7 in 2 weeks and it’s a battle at least 4 nights a week.
Honestly, we’ve just rather gotten into a routine of rock, paper, scissors on who has to take her back up first - then we alternate. I know she’s giving up when she rolls over to face the wall. Sometimes first try, sometimes tenth.
The baby gates that went up to keep the new puppy semi-contained while we house train? Have provided a small measure of inability to sneak downstairs. Now she just calls down with “Mommy? Daddy? I can’t sleep…”
Argh.
At least she comes by it honestly - I never could either. Still can’t.
Try a warm bath soothing music and reading to him. Try staying with him in the room until he falls asleep and believe it or not sometimes putting them to bed earlier than you have been might work (I think it is called the bedtime window) He could just be growing and this too will pass…if you live to tell about it could be another story
I suggest saying hasta la bye bye to the daytime nap and you are golden (after a while to break the cycle)!
We have the same issues with our 3.5 yo. Not sure it is a total solution but we have made some improvements by setting the boundary at the door to his room not the bed. If he wants to get out of bed and quietly play with toys or read to himself (turn pages and make up stories) that is ok. He just isn’t allowed out of his room. Only exception is to go potty.
We have the same issues with our 3.5 yo. Not sure it is a total solution but we have made some improvements by setting the boundary at the door to his room not the bed. If he wants to get out of bed and quietly play with toys or read to himself (turn pages and make up stories) that is ok. He just isn’t allowed out of his room. Only exception is to go potty.
Aack! I’ve got a 2 1/2 year old blond boy with a remarkably similar problem. I have a bit of perspective. His 6 year old sister did the same thing. Until she was 3ish. And then she just started staying in bed.
Sigh. If you figure it out, let me know. There’s a reason I tell everyone that whenever we have a 2nd baby, God owes me a good sleeper. Because my girl? Does not sleep. Never has. I haven’t had a consistent good night’s sleep since sometime in 2006. I am TIRED.
I just can’t get past how gorgeous he is. I think you’re making it up. And, frankly, I think that’s just not right.
I started giving mine treats from the NightNight Fairy in the morning if they stayed in bed the night before.
There’s that, or going full-on Joan Crawford/Mommy Dearest and strap him to the bed.
Dude, my 2 year old is the same. Bribing worked for only so long. I tried to read the no cry sleep solution when she was like 8 months old and got bored 10 pages in.
If he’s happy in his crib, let him sleep in it, at least he can’t get out right?
If that fails, would it be bad to give him Nyquil?
The boy, he’ll turn out ok. So cute when he’s sleeping… Huh? Anyway, when I was a kid I would stay up for Cheers. Can still hear the theme song late at night. Would hide behind a recliner only slightly more hideous than the mancliner you love to hate (may the mancliner live forever).
My toddler daughter tries the same stuff with us, it’s “Maddie’s not tired!” or “Just wanna hold you for a MINUTE” and it’s all cute for about 5 seconds and then I just get mega-pissed because I need MY time in the evenings. Anyway, solution:
Put a child lock or latch on it, like one of those ones that goes on with sticky tape that you can use to keep cabinets shut (like this: http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=261755&parentCategoryId=85183&categoryId=85216&subCategoryId=86199&PIPELINE_SESSION_ID=13718abd7f000001281d9bdcf9f3db14). It’s just enough that they aren’t strong enough to open the door but in an emergency any grown adult can break it without pressing the button. We took everything out of her room that could be a hazard, and also any fun toys other than the one she sleeps with. She fell asleep on the floor a few times but eventually got in the habit of staying in bed because it was too boring to do anything else except sleep.
I wrote about this very thing yesterday, minus the man bed. I woke up to my own little screamer today at 4:45 a.m. Just me and another early morning with the girl who does not sleep.
Hope you get some relief. (And PhD, I’m looking VERY CLOSELY at your list of suggestions. Took the kid out to play in 25 degree weather this morning. She’s in the midst of her best nap of the week. Hooray!)
Oh, gosh. I feel like telling you that my 4 year old was the EXACT same way at 2, and is still the EXACT same way at 4 might scare you. So I won’t bring it up!
I think time might just be the only foolproof solution. He’s going to want to sleep when he’s older, that much you can count on!
My now almost 2 year old loves sleep, bless his little wonderful soul! Of course, he does climb and jump off my furniture and color on my walls (where the HECK does he find these crayons?!?), so I guess you win some, you lose some.
Good luck, Mama. He won’t be like this forever.
I was, and still am, a horrible sleeper. Wretched. I’m 30(ish)-years-old and my friend suggest I try the No Cry Sleep Solution… for myself. I remember, as a kid, being horribly frustrated. I knew I was supposed to be asleep, but I couldn’t get there. I knew I was supposed to stay in my bed, but I didn’t want to be alone. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to suggest… but based on all you’ve tried it’s clear that he’ll get there… because he has so much help (and love!). Hang in there! *hugs*
With my son we all were up and down and up and down all night long as soon as he went in a “big boy” bed, for about 18 months. Thought I would die.
Finally, we started putting our dog in with him and shutting the door. The dog was guarding him, you see. It totally worked. He has stayed in bed ever since.
My next one comes out of the crib in another month or two and I’m SO SCARED! We only have one dog!
I’ve got the same issue on and off with my nearly 3YO. Maybe we can get a group discount on staple guns. It’s okay if we just staple their jammies to the bed. No blood. I checked.
We got our son a good nite light (though you could probably just put a light on a timer) and when the night light looked like a moon, he had to stay in his room. When it changed to a sun, he could get up. It worked…80% of the time.