All my best stuff gets lost in a twitter stream

Oct 30, 2009

#Working Mom

So this is what it looks like to be in your mid thirties.




Christhellonacracker when did that happen. Right, in tiny amounts of time known as DAYS that added up and BAM I hit thirty-four.

So if you follow me on twitter, which you totally should, you’d know yesterday was my birthday.

And that my house had the flu.

And that I told Jamie from Erskine not to fuck goats. Which seems obvious to someone like me but those Brits are real animal lovers.

Yesterday, for my birthday, I treated myself to a pair of skinny jeans. Which, if you follow me on twitter, you know it makes me a complete asshat.


But DAMN if those French women don’t look fabulous in the skinny jean with the boot and long sweater and scarf.

Six hours in Paris can really change a girl’s mind about the skinny jean. And coffee. And Monet.

So I got a skinny jean in a size 8. EIGHT PEOPLE. That’s the size I wore in High school. Which is clearly effed because I still weigh 10 pounds more than that stage of my life but HAHA AMERICAN SIZES because I win the “zipping my gut in to a smaller size” award.

So, since I went to Europe (my god you’re going to get sick of hearing that. It was five days. FIVE DAYS. But oh, those five days….) I ate smaller portions. You know, like the French? And Dutch? And German? Good beer, smaller portions, real food. And I lost some weight.

Except now? NOW I AM STARVING.

Damn America with its unfulfilling food and the food crack they pump in the air that makes a girl want to eat trail mix by the bagfuls.

Yet, still, food hording, expanding mid-thirties ass, slowing metabolism and pirate-eye aside, life is pretty sweet at thirty four.

I got a new job working with a big shot development and design firm locally here in Seattle.

It appears we may actually be getting closer to owning a real life house with grass ‘n stuff.

I just spent five days in Europe meeting some of the best ExpressionEngine minds on the planet. And I loved them.

My son pissed in the toilet this morning.

I bought a size 8 pant.

And I still have most of my marbles. (This post’s coherence aside, that is.)

So far? Thirty four is pretty great. I am, however, marking forty for a real meltdown. I’m thinking large-scale convertable-needing meltdown in 2015. Wanna join me?


  1. Happy birthday!  I had my meltdown at twenty-five.  Since then, I made a vow to get a little less mature every year.  I’m thirty-one now so I’m well on my way back to four which was a pretty good time.

    I continually rail against the skinny jean.  It’s evil.  Especially on men.  Down with the Emo jeans! 

    And congrats on all those victories, size 8 included.  PS.  You don’t look a day over 22.  grin

    By Carly on 2009 10 30

  2. Yay for size 8!!  Have I mentioned I’m just a teensy bit jealous of your life?  Anyway…have a great 34!!  You earned it!!

    By Liz on 2009 10 30

  3. Congrats on the new job! (And on the size 8… woot!)

    And happy birthday!

    By Laurie on 2009 10 30

  4. Congrats on the JOB and the pissing in the POT and the size 8 jeans.


    Love ya…happy belated birthday. Do not even get me started on 40. Yo. wink

    By jamie on 2009 10 30

  5. Happy birthday..and my deepest condolensces when those size eight skinnys realize they are on size twelve ass!!!!  Wait till you hit the forties!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    By mysuestories on 2009 10 30

  6. Happy Birthday! 

    So, I wanna know:  Do these skinny jeans have anything to do with your usage of a certain ballet DVD you plugged awhile back?  Because I haven’t heard anything else about it.  And I totally bought the thing on your recommendation (well, and what the “experts” at Amazon told me).  And, I gotta say, it makes me cuss a little.  But I’ve discovered that if I put it in my laptop and turn it on mute while I’m watching TV, I actually do it.  And I only hate “Stretchy Ballerina’s” smiley face a teeny bit.  Except for during commercials.  During commercials I get all angry and hostile and I hurl insults.

    And it must be working because the first time I did it, I literally couldn’t walk up the stairs to my puking child.  He had to wait for me to wipe his mouth and clean his vomit because “mama has to army crawl up the stairs, baby, because I can’t feel my thighs.”

    And now I only army crawl halfway up the stairs before I can use my legs again.  So I must be improving!  (Or cheating more, I’m not telling which.)

    Just wondering how it was working out for you…

    By Lora Lynn@vitafamiliae on 2009 10 30

  7. Was all like, “A’ight” on the job thing, but am all, like, “WOO-HOO, SAXEE” you size 8, you!!!

    By Liz@thisfullhouse on 2009 10 30

  8. Happy birthday! When I was 34, it was a very good year. It was a very good year, for blue blooded boys of independent means. We’d ride in limousines, their chauffeurs would drive… Yeah, not quite, but a great year nonetheless. Congrats on all your good news coming up to the big 35.

    By Artful Kisser on 2009 11 02

  9. omg that was way 2 much info and i can’t leave real comments anymore since FB & twitter have RUINT ME.

    Girl, congrats. Esp. on the job and the house. re: jeans? screw you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

    By Wacky Mommy on 2009 11 03

  10. Hey congrats on the job. It’s been a tough year for a lot of people. I need a dose of parenting tips now and again (actually every day lol).

    By sara on 2009 11 04

  11. Happy Birthday!!! Happy New Job!!! Happy size 8 skinny jeans!!! Happy pissing in toilets day!!!  Really!!!
    and phhhht on 34 my 40th is looming (only 7 months away) and I’m with ya on the whole melt down thing.

    By Lynn on 2009 11 04

  12. Happy birthday!!

    By Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com on 2009 11 05