Geeky Talks
And then I cried. And cried again.
Emails. Phone calls. Comments. Text Messages.
I heart you people. Oh, so much.
I?d be going on my not-exactly-merry way, trying to think about this or that, something aside form my dull ache in my left side because WHYFORTHELOVEOFGOD do they send a hypochondriac home with a list of symptoms to watch for and say, ?call us if you feel or see the following…? Well no shit, I?ll be calling you in roughly thirty minutes because I have a dull ache just where you mentioned I might have an ectopic pregnancy. I mean seriously, lemme clue you in: Hypochondriac 101: never give a list of symptoms to be felt or I swear to you, I will feel them. And some extras just to be sure.
So there I was trying to ignore the dull ache that was sure to cause my left fallopian tube to burst rendering me only half fertile and possibly make me pass out leaving my child motherless and never knowing the love that I have for her, when I?d get an email, or a phone message, or a text message saying ?Hope you are ok. Love you…? and I?d be in tears. Not because someone pointed out my loss but because I am so loved.
And then I googled and scared the living crap out of myself, talked myself into an early grave, a loss of fertility and made up a living will on a napkin before unplugging my laptop completely. No email. No blogging. Not even to check the account balance. I didn?t touch the damn thing in fear I would spontaneously burst into ovary juice or flames. I can?t handle the thought of getting ovary juice on my pretty powerbook, so I shut up shop, went up to bed and prayed like I haven?t done in seven years. Seven years ago when my mom had ovarian cancer. Seven years ago when I called myself a believing Christian and had the faith to back up my prayers. I started that again because y?all, if there?s one thing I am, it?s a control freak and God hates him some control freaks.
?Hi again. Yes, it?s me. Yes, I?m trying to take the wheel again. Yes, please please PLEASE can we hurry this along? Hrm? Can we just get rid of this baby, I know he?s not there anymore, I know he?s with you so can we please just move along so I can have a nice red beer and go to the gym and sleep without being afraid I?m going to self combust? Oh, and thanks for the cease fire in Israel. I?m sure they can still use some help there, too. But Lord? After you fix me, ok? And I?m humble.
And all that.
Amen.?
And it?s going to be ok. Right? It is. I have to believe it is.
So thank you. I didn?t email you back because I?m overwhelmed with love and support and I?ll cry and fritz out my laptop if I actually reply to each one. But I love it. And I heart you all, you amazing group of Internet friends, and strangers, and long time friends from far far countries (like Texas).
Thank you, all.
Welcome!
19 guests here now.
Find Me
Popular Tags
Latest Tweets
-
@CaptGeek I haven’t yet but I did look it over. Was going to start a project that utilized it. You?5 hours, 9 minutes ago
-
@ben_pylo Did so love this chat! I’m writing my API spec now. Loved hearing your opinions. :)7 hours, 6 minutes ago
-
@johndwells @johnhenry_ie @yojam_es My guess is as many as beers were drank. #gEEkbEEr7 hours, 14 minutes ago
Conference and Speaking Gigs
Writing Conferences
Comments
It is so good to “hear” from you. And you make me laugh even when you don’t mean to (as in…“if there?s one thing I am, it?s a control freak and God hates him some control freaks”).
Big big hugs and here’s hoping that you continue to move forward. So many people love you and are here for you!
In reguards to your above post “medical stuff”....they are going to do a ultrasound right?
Thinking of you.
Maybe if you had a evil microsoft you could of thrown it over the edge this weekend or not cared that you got your ovary juice on it!
All joking aside - we’ve been thinking about you lots these days. Take care hun! And you seriously need to send me your cell # (and your new address!) Big hugs from me and Ry.
Glad to hear you are doing “okay” and keeping your sense of humor for us. I second Brandi on the ultrasound!???????
Great to hear from you! I know its gotta be tough. I’m in a different situation than you right now but one that is equally beyond my control, and have an equally difficult time releasing things to God. I feel like I’m walking through fire & try to take comfort in the fact that it’s strengthening my faith while sometimes I feel like I don’t have any left. Sorry for the pity party - just wanted to let you know I understand (to the extent I can) and I truly believe that things will be ok for both of us (just not quick enough to suit us). And if you need a break from the mushy emails, let me know & I’ll start sending you jokes from my vast Aggie repository.
I have been thinking about you all weekend. I am glad you posted I was worried. Feel better soon!!!
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, it IS going to be okay. I promise. Even though it may not seem like it now.
thinking of you.
Another friend thinking about you…
p.s. God hears the ‘polished’ prayers just as well as the questioning/hurting/angry/scared prayers.
I am glad you are maintaining your wit and humor during this mess. I hope you are just being the hypochondriac that you are, and that everything will be ok (as possible, considering…)
I have been thinking about you. I want this to be over for you.
You made me LOL with the cease-fire in Israel thing! I hope that this will be over for you soon. (Not that it will ever be completely over - In the sense that you’ll never forget - but that your body will heal and you’ll feel better - you know what I mean right?....SHUT UP JAN!) Anyway, I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you. And it’s good to “hear” from you.
Thinking of you!
Going away for the weekend hopefully proved to be a good time. Hubby, Little LB and your presence can make for the healing of all sorts!
Glad to see and read that your humor and wit is still present! Love ya!
Um yeah… why DO they send hypocondriachs home to watch for symptoms? WTF is that about? And then? On top of that? They add things like, “Well it PROBABLY won’t rupture… but ... well, just call me if you feel pain.”
Uhh….
Seriously though. You sound pretty good for someone who is still walking around pregnant but not. I was not so together when I was in the same place.
Hi chicky. Just checking in on you.
If you lived near me, I’d totally have that red beer with you!
Hug LB tight, and remember how blessed you truely are, in spite of how unfair life is being to you right now.
Although it feels like an impossibility, things ARE going to be alright!
Love and hugs!
~Christine
mwah.
Everything will be OK. And we’ll be here for you when you turn the computer back on. And “will” would be in italics if I could use html on this thing.
Goddammit!
Having to wait to miscarriage is just adding insult to injury. I’m so sorry.
Hope it’s over soon. :(
.... that should say “wait to miscarry”...
Awww man I just read the news now. I am sorry. It is shitty.
Hope things work themselves out soon.
*HUGS*
I’ll be praying that your doctor’s appointment goes well, whatever the outcome.
Please keep me posted.
Some assvice from someone who is not a medical professional is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but I think the dull left-side ache you’re feeling may very well be from the corpus luteum (go ahead, Google it—NOT scary).
I’ve been thinking of you all weekend. I hope everything goes as well as can be expected at the doctor’s tomorrow. Again, I am just so sorry.
Good to hear from you out here Les. I was thinking about you all weekend, but I figured you just needed some well deserved time away from everything. I hate that it really is true that it all just takes TIME. FUCK that! I’m not patient and I don’t like having to wait for anything, let alone something bad.
Hopefully all the well wishes will buoy you along in the process and you can start to heal. As for your prayers, I’m a testament that they DO work. I’m agnostic and I just have little conversations with the “Universe” at large and still get blessed on a regular basis. You will too.
Hang in sweetie!
I just caught up with you, and I am so sorry to hear about all you’re going through. I hope you find out the results soon and can move on with life. It is so hard to extinguish the excitement of being pregnant. Stay strong, and know that this time it just wasn’t meant to happen.
I think so on the ultrasound. Although my numbers, even at over 100, are still so low they can’t see anything yet. So I’m not sure what will happen.
I’ll find out today at 1:30. And yes, of course! I’ll let you know.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful comments and love. Truly. I so so so so appreciate it all. I feel a little selfish getting so much love. But I’ll take it all because I heart y’all so.