Geeky Talks
BHM: Self Tanning Disasters
You know that I live in Seattle, which really does mean it’s sunny six times a year here. Okok, sorry, eight if you count those two days in Winter. (Picky Picky) At any rate, being in such a northern state means I’m prone to bi-polar skin. Uhhu. My skin is six degrees of tan depending on what you look at.
For example:
This here? My arm against my leg.
Jesus.
So what’s a girl to do? SELF TANNER! Now that there is a product made for people like me. Spray Tan! No Sun! Half the cancer!
Over the years, I’ve tried literally tens of fifties of self tanning products. I’ve been orange. I’ve been burgundy. I’ve had disastrous streaks. I’ve had nightmares about my orange fat.
So, see, me ‘n self tanner go way back.
Why, then, can’t I use the new and improved products? Like the Banana Boat Sunless Tanner Spray? Or the million other “NEW AND IMPROVED NO-STREAK NO-ORANGE” products?
I. Don’t. Know.
So today, for Brutally Honest Monday, I thought I’d fill you in on a secret. I’m one white pale mother down below and a sunny golden kissed mama up top.
Now, isn’t that lovely?
(Feel free to join in and tell me your self tanner mis-haps. Or am I the only spray-tan-challenged one out there?)
<a href=“http://mrs.flinger.us”><img src=“http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3130/2394484739_8a1ed73b65_m.jpg” alt=“Brutally Honest Mondays” border=“0” /></a>
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I have given up on having a tan all together. the sun makes me red and blotchy. Spray-ons make me orange and blotchy. I am embracing the pastiness. I buy SPF 150 by the barrel.
I am currently experiencing a case of brown/orange knees and ankles. Two years ago I finally found a cream tanner that worked miracles on my pasty legs…..I have since thrown that container out because I thought it would be expired. I probably should have taken note of the brand.
I was wondering how you managed to achieve such a vast difference between body parts.
No self tanning disasters to share. But my face is several shades darker than the rest of me because that is the only part of me to get direct sunlight.
I find that those gradually tanning lotions work well for me…harder to screw up anyway. I used a full on self tanner exactly once and had really gross streaks on my calves that took several applications of a scrub to rid myself of. I just assumed it was pilot error, because, well, if I can screw it up….I will.
Well I did the same thing in high school, except opposite. My legs were golden brown, but my arms were pasty white. I’ve never recovered from being made fun of.
I joined in today, but it was about red shoes, not self-tanner.
I am the SAME WAY, with the tan arms (complete with white watch spot) and legs that never ever get any darker no matter what I do. I was wearing a skirt a few weeks ago, and my visually impaired coworker asked if I was wearing white hose. Why no, that’s just my legs.
Neutrogena has a pretty good gradual tanning lotion that I have right now. I like it so far, but I’m a little afraid to go too dark. For I am a chicken.
Even when I manage to hit the tanning bed regularly, I end up nicely tanned in a tank top pattern up top and a translucent whitey motherfucker on the bottom.
I have done the Mystic tan a few times, and even at the lowest setting I am always orange for at least two days until it turns into tan look. I learned after the first time that I have to get it well in advance of any important event, otherwise I end up with an orange face in all of my pictures!
I like the Neutrogena Summer Glow Daily Moisturizer. It has SPF 20, and applies a tiny bit of self-tanner each day. They have several “shades” so you can get one that matches your skin tone.
When I REALLY want to be evenly tanned (because no matter what, I will have tan shoulders and pale legs) I get the professional spray tan. Their pro hint for avoiding orange knees and elbows? Apply Curel lotion to those areas and bottoms of feet, it repels the tanning agent. Only problem is, the week after you have fish scale looking skin as your skin sloughs off the “dead” tanned skin.
I got a spray on tan in high school for homecoming and then my musical was also that week.
Which pretty much meant that it looked like a fat-ass oompaloompa playing Mother Abess in The Sound of Music.
I need to get with it so that I can take part in the fun on a post.
I keep hearing amazing things about the Jergens tanning lotion.
xo ~K
(ps - I haven’t hopped over from my reader to see your new design! LOVE it! Do you mind popping over and looking at the new one I just designed for myself?)
Okay, seriously, this ALWAYS happens to me. I get ready for bed, after a couple (or 17) drinks and think “I need to be TAN tomorrow.” I then proceed to douse myself in self-tanner, being EVER SO CAREFUL around my hairline, elbows, knees and eyeballs, stand around nekkid waiting for it all to dry (while hubby says “WOO HOO!”), and then PLUNK down into bed WITHOUT WASHING MY HANDS.
Orange hands = dead giveaway you are NOT authentically tan = GEEK!
HAHA. Katie, the “or 17” made me giggle. Friends don’t let Friends Fake Tan Drunk.
I am currently sporting weird orange streaks on my arms and legs because I was trying to look okay in the white! dress that my best friend chose for her bridesmaids. The wedding is next Saturday and at this point I’ve give up on tan and I’m just going for lacking in streaks.
I tried self-tanner in 7th grade. I had orange polka-dotted legs for a choir concert thing. I have since embraced my paleness, and use sunscreen. Yup, I’m the mama out in her garden that looks like a ghost. Your leg? Is my tan. *sigh*
After many years of trying to tan I’ve discovered two things. Not only does my skin reject sun tanning, it also rejects fake tanning. I’ve tried just about every fake tanner on the market and the result is always the same, a lovely red rash.
P.S. You can sit by me at blogher if you’d like to look tan. I’m so fair anyone standing by me looks dark