Change

Life is a constant ebb and flow. It is change. I’ve been revisiting my favorite Buddha Book, re-reading the passages I underlined 10 years ago. Change is a big topic in Buddhism. Change is a big topic in my life right now.

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Even if it’s great, change is still…. Change.

Change is leaving a house you brought your baby home in. Change is giving the children a backyard to grow in. Change is watching your baby grow in to a caring little man. Change is watching your daughter learn to read.

I’ve never dealt well with change and yet I seek it almost in earnest. I seek to better our lives daily. I push to find new challenges. I work to bring a healthier lifestyle and a better approach to obstacles. But sometimes, even so, I wish for things to stay as they were. Not physically, perhaps, except in the way my body used to look at 18. No, more on an existential plane. In the way my children snuggled my chest as they slept as babies. In the way my husband looked in my eyes on our wedding day. In the way we celebrated our accomplishments the day we got news we were moving back to Seattle.

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Change can be powerful, wonderful and completely overwhelming. One day, I know, I’ll look back at these two weeks and know it went well.

In the mean time, I’ll just push on keeping my head above water however hard I have to tred. Change is coming like a tide. I’m gearing up for the ride.

Note: I'm working on getting comments set up again. If it's worth it. Tell me it's worth it? There's some styles that need to be done and some ajax work that makes me want to cut myslef and use vue.js insted but that's yak shaving and really, y'all, as much as I freaking LOVE hearing from you, and I do, believe me, I hated mining the comments from spammers to get to the good stuff. So let me know it's worth it and I'll dig deeper and shave every damn yak for this to work. Currently 60% of the way there. A little push push could make the difference.