Dear Santa

12/Dec/2006

I have a very l large list for Santa this year. Santa, honey? Listen up.

I’d like my patience back. You know the stuff that keeps you from totally losing your shit on your two year old because you are pregnant, hormonal and tired? And she’s.. well… two? I’d appreciate it and I know LB and Mr. Flinger would, too. So let’s just put this on all our lists. Patience for the mommy.

Also, my sex drive and maybe some lovin’. We have at least six weeks after the baby is born for no nookie and, I’m thinking, three good months of me being so damn huge I either a) don’t want to be touched or b) no logical way to make it work. So right now would be lovely and I know the second trimester is the perfect time for this. So let’s just get on that, shall we?

But first! I would like to be done gaggin and puking. ‘Cause there ain’t no lovin’ gonna happen until I stop gagging and retching. “Raur, Mr. Flinger, you are so” ... HACK GAG GAG GAG .. DRY HEAVE..  “hot…” You see the problem?

It goes without saying I’d like a healthy baby this year, too. And make that a boy. So I can win the fifty bucks bet. (See? Two gifts in one! I try to make it easy on you, Santa.)

And last but not least, I’d like my toddler to nap. NAP WITHOUT POOPING. The trick where she takes off her diaper and poops in the crib? Not so much HAHA funny as disgusting.  (See also gagging and retching.) I’ve been in touch with one of your elves who also happens to have a vast knowledge on the topic, but perhaps you can just slap some sense in to the toddler and help her crap in the toilet. Also? It would be a lovely gift for prego here to not change two babies in diapers at once. I’m all about efficiency, Santa, I hope you appreciate that.

And sorry in advance about eating your cookies. But cookies left out around a pregnant lady? There was no hope to start out with.

Your believing child,
Leslie

P.S. I realize today marks Trimester Two. Belly shot to come. Go, CB, go!

Hi

9 guests here now.

Comments

  1. A little sleep-deprived here and having fun with mondo-engorged breasts, so no witty commment except to say - I like your list.

    happy 2nd trimester!

    By AmyM on 2006 12 12

  2. I asked for a Nintendo Wii.

    Who wants to lay odds you get everything on your list before I get my Wii? Anyone? Anyone?

    By IrishWalsh on 2006 12 12

  3. LMAO - Now that is a total mommy list. Dads probably consists of Beer and more midget wrestling?

    And Irish - rumor has it Nintendo will be releasing more on the 17th. So get the Credit card ready (I am secretly hoping to find one because my kids don’t need anymore video crap - they have everything except for 360 - but I really want one. Deal is if we find it we can get it).

    Oh and I want a small ass and perky boobies. Not too much to ask right?

    By Nicole on 2006 12 12

  4. So glad to hear the 2nd trimester is here!  Give your little baby belly a pat for us!

    By ^starshine on 2006 12 12

  5. Congrats on the 2nd trimester! Maybe you should ask Santa for that duct tape to keep LB in her diaper at naptime.

    By Susie on 2006 12 12

  6. Second trimester already?  Time really flies when it’s somebody else’s uterus!

    By Friglet on 2006 12 12

  7. Wow that first trimester went fast, didn’t it? Oh, yeah…the gagging, puking, etc. Maybe not so fast for you. But gosh, it flew by for me! Congratulations to you and CB. Keep up the good work. I hope you get everything you want.

    By Colleen on 2006 12 12

  8. Yea, not so much “fast” as “it’s ONLY WEEK 14 and I’m how fat? I’ve been puking for how long?”

    Then again, June isn’t THAT far away, right? RIGHT?!

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2006 12 12

  9. Whoohoo! Second trimester! Surely the retching will stop soon… DAMMIT?!

    As far as the pregnancy nookie goes, I have no sage advice, seeing how I wasn’t allowed to have sex of any kind after an almost-miscarriage at 6 weeks, and I had a monster gag reflex so Brent was out of luck too, well… you get the point.

    We were both so frisky that we had sex 9 days postpartum.

    By Kate on 2006 12 12

  10. PS- Since it’s practically January already, that means June is right around the corner! Whoohoo!

    By Kate on 2006 12 12

  11. You are a funny, funny girl.

    By Wacky Mommy on 2006 12 12

  12. Yey for the 2nd trimester!

    By Kerry on 2006 12 13

  13. Poop in the crib.  I feel your pain, sister.

    By Jenny on 2006 12 13

  14. Aw, Leslie!  Second trimester!  I’m so excited and happy for you!

    I’ll say it now since I probably won’t be back before ... Merry Christmas!

    By Karyn on 2006 12 13