Don’t judge the size of the poo by the stank

19/Dec/2005

You know the ol’ sayings: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover; It’s not what’s outside that matters in a person; Don’t judge the size of the poo by the stink. Oh, haven’t heard that last one? Well you will, especially if you’re ever within, say, ten thousand feet of my daughter.

Her poop is the smelliest shit (literally) I have ever laid olfactory nerves on. (Yes, I said “olfactory nerves”. I took Anatomy in college. Aren’t you impressed? Be impressed! I *r-e-t-a-i-n-e-d something from college! Sure, it’s about how I can smell shit with these super small cillia and stuff, but who cares! That’s money well spent…) Anywho, this kid’s shit is Nah-Stay. Like Bean-Lover’s nah-stay. Or “I have the bird flu” nah-stay. It makes the strong nauseaus. It makes grown men cry. It peels paint.

The most ironic piece of this puzzle is that it’s coming from a very tiny, pretty, dainty ass that squeezes out the tiny, dainty poo. We’re talking about two small round bubbles of “what I ate for breakfast six hours ago.” It’s so tiny, usually, that when I look in her diaper I see nothing. Poo? What poo? Until I lean in to take a wiff and “BLAMO!” I am knocked out cold for six days solid and medics are hovering over me when I come to.“Did you see the size of that shit?” I’d say, dumbfounded. “No, lady. But you must’ve been near some toxic waste land fill or somethin’ judging by the damage to your smellers.”

No, people, that’s my 13 month old’s ass doing that damage. And I admit, I’m a teeny weeny bit proud of her. That’s my girl!

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Comments

  1. Okay-so I’m jealous of the small size of these, but not the smell.  With my boys, I get the smell and the size to match! Yuuuuuck!

    By sarahgrace on 2005 12 19

  2. Leslie, you CRACK me up! That’s just too funny, but coming from you, it seems perfectly normal.

    By Paige (CoraBelle) on 2005 12 19

  3. Must be a girl thing that they poop such tiny but nasty ass smelling shit. Man I thought the boys’ farts were bad - but they have nothin on these children!
    13 months? It’s 14 now hun! ACK! Pretty soon they will be asking for money to run off with the boy next door on his harley.

    By Nicole on 2005 12 20

  4. Emma has that same kinda poo sometimes. gahhhhhhhhhh

    By texasbelle on 2005 12 20

  5. Oh I have so been saying for a looonnngg time now. If it Sta-inks! it’s small. WHY WHY WHY are the tiny ones soooooo Sta-inky and the huge blowout you have to change the entire outfit ones not sta-inky? It’s a poop conspiracy…the blowout poop, it likes to fool you, you don’t know it’s there until it’s on your hands. The Sta-inky poop?. It wants you to know it exists, and suffer for it!
    ugh ugh ugh.
    Is it time to potty train yet?

    By speechjane on 2005 12 20

  6. I hear ya! Sometimes the smell is so foul you really don’t know what it is that she ate that caused such STANK! Like a bad breath/fish/poop/chemical smell.

    By kelli on 2005 12 20

  7. Chase went through a farty period a few weeks ago (I think it was due to his antibiotic), but OH MY how it would bring tears to your eyes!  I wanted to hide when he did it…in Target, at school, visiting family.  He was not fart-picky at all.

    By Charla on 2005 12 20

  8. LOL at “fart-picky,” Charla! smile

    By Amy_M on 2005 12 20

  9. Oh man, oh man. My 21-month old son produces more crap than seems possible. He usually poops twice/day (sometimes 3 times on bonus days), and I swear he excretes more than he consumes. How can that be? And the smell. Oy. And is there a diaper pail on the planet that can truly contain the smell? I think not.

    I feel for ya, sistah.

    (Hey! You’ve expanded your list of Bitches! And I finally made it… not that I was obsessing on that or anything!  wink )

    By Marie on 2005 12 21

  10. hiLARious!  who ever thought stinky excrement could be so freaking funny!

    By Mel W. on 2005 12 21

  11. Mel.. deep down we all knew shit is funny, right? grin Well, that’s what I’m going with… heh….

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2005 12 21