Have yourself a Racially Diverse Christmas

Dec 09, 2009

#Family Life

It seems to me that Racism is gone. I mean, we have a black president. Can’t we all just get along and sing koombia and all that shit? Seriously, people. Do I care what you look like? No. Do I care if you’re an asshole? Very Much So.

It would appear, though, that race is most certainly not something that we joke about being a thing of the past. “Ohyea, sorry ‘bout them segregation shit. That’s TO-TALLY our bad.”  (Which, for the record, I did not live back then and thus can only apologize for shit my ancestors did and let you know I think it’s bullshit, too. And hey! How ‘bout we grab a beer! Because deep down I’m totally Canadian. Peace Love Beer. Amen.)

No, it appears race is being brought up over and over. I’m fairly sheltered here on the left coast with a variety of people and a city that accepts. What do I care who your lover is? Am I going to judge you for looking like a punk-ass-kid? Yea. Am I going to judge you because your hair is kinky and mine isn’t? No. So do you have control over how I view you? Absolutely. If you look like a ganstah wanna-be I’m going to think, “Hey look at that stupid ganstah-wanna-be.” But if you look like a person living a life and being yourself? I say Go Girl. Or Man. Or Lover Of All Men. Whatever. Do yer thing, yo.

So why then have I had SIX, I shit you not, conversations about race in as many days? Why then do I hear it coming up on the radio? On the TV? On the DISNEY-CHANNEL-OMG-IS-NOTHING-SACRED. Why?

I don’t know. Or I didn’t know. Until I heard my children singing a, what used to be, lovely christmas song and I realized: THEY ARE RACIST BIGOTS.

“And may all your Christmases be WHITE.”

Oh dear lord! NO! NO NO. I’m not teaching my children that shit!


No, children, let us sing, in honor of ALL people, “And may all your Christmases be Racially Diverse.”

We? Are holding on to a myth people. One started by a secret under-cover racist homophobe. (Tossing in the homophobe for good measure that racist bastard.)


There he is: Father Racist.

Jolly Holly and all that.

So I searched the internet and found this incriminating photo:


I’m not shocked, really. For years now it’s been seeping in to our minds this time of year. We’re mummys just mouthing the crap we’re grown up with.

The cycle ends here.

No more while I wish you a White Christmas. Hellzno. I will, instead, hope for a rainy, somewhat humid and possibly a tad warm so you can get a sun-burn red christmas. Or an eerily frigid blue christmas. Or perhaps a carbon-friendly green christmas. But I will never hope all your Christmases are white again.



A note: This post is written tongue-in-cheek. I do that from time to time. You know, sorda lose my shit on the ridiculousness?

If you say anything bad, I’ll call you a racist.

And probably a punkass kid, too


  1. LOL holy crap that was funny. Coincidentally I have had a few conversations about race lately too.

    By Angie on 2009 12 09

  2. On behalf of Canada, I hereby claim you to be “one of us” though we do have some racism up here.  It shows up predominately in hockey…. Finland and Sweden take the brunt of it.

    Call me a cynic, but I have noticed a few people justifying discriminatory actions by saying, “I’m not a racist - we have a black president.”  Like voting for Donny Osmond.  That is just NEVER okay.  grin

    By CitricSugar on 2009 12 09

  3. ROFL.

    By laura Camacho on 2009 12 09

  4. *snort*  And yeah.  That’s about all I’ve got. 
    Unless you want to come help me unpack in a few months and entertain me in person. wink

    By Lanna on 2009 12 10

  5. How funny! Thanks a lot though, because now everyone will wonder why I am giggling every time that song comes on our radio.

    By Jennifer on 2009 12 10

  6. Smooches to you Mrs. Flinger!!!

    By Marie on 2009 12 10

  7. I’m dreaming of an Italian Christmas

    By Donata on 2009 12 10

  8. LOVE your tongue-in-cheek posts!!!

    By Lynda Bouck on 2009 12 11