Geeky Talks
How Blissdom helped me understand my daughter
I stepped down off the panel, my legs shaking so much I had a touch of paulsy. I’m pretty sure the sweat on my face could be seen from the back row. I stayed to answer a few questions and meet a new client so the room was nearly empty. I was actually a little relieved that nobody was left to see me taking deep breaths and stepping carefully. One. Two. Three. Breath.
I push thoughts of over-analyzing the panel out of my head and focused on food. I need it. Bad.
The feedback is great. People respond well to watching a complete and utter spaz on stage. I think it’s like a train-wreck. So cliche and so true. Or reading the fail blog. I? Am one Giant Fail Blog.
Word.
I start to think back to those times in my life I’ve lived up to my reputation. The sidewalk I tripped on with my arms full of books in college. Twice. The time I broke my friend’s wedding decor the night before the event. The day I spilled red wine on another friend’s white carpet. The wine I spilled at BlogHer (Sorry Guy) and the glass I broke at the SMB Method Party.
I’m the one you can count on to trip. I’m the girl that looks at faces turned expectantly at her waiting for a professional speech and farts. I’m the girl who leans over while teaching a room full of college Sophmores and gives the room a show of her boobs without realizing it.
I’m the girl that pees on a used test and calls her doctor to say she’s pregnant AND her husband while toting her six month old to his work to bawl. And realizes the mistake four hours later.
Yea, I’m that girl.
Not quite as funny as Liz Lemon.
Not as classy as Lucile Ball.
Not as pretty as Bella from Twighlight.
I’m .... just me.
I’m contemplating each of these small moments when I make the connection. I realize and nearly lose my breath: My daughter. My silly, crazy, spaz of a child comes directly from me. How on earth I failed to really connect this is unbelievable to me. How it’s possible I’ve spent the last four years wondering why she is so busy, what I’m going to do with her. DOES SHE NOT SIT STILL. Why she is loud. Why she is active. Why. WHY. WHY me?
Because she is so very me.
There is much I can say about my time at Blissdom, and I will. I will record the events and memories as I am recording 33 years of the most prominent events in my life. This most absolutely is a notable experience for a host of reasons. But tonight, I just want to remind myself one day my daughter is going to step off a podium and wonder what-the-fuck happens to her when she gets in a roomful of people. What. Is. The. Gigantic. Handwaving. All. About? Why oh why do these things always happen to me?
And it will hit her like a two ton brick: It’s in her blood as thick as Elmers. Spazy, freaky, energetic goo.
I hope she accepts herself for it as I’m starting to realizing I’m not as full of grace as my Grandma or born with the gift of holding my tonuge. I’m still realizing I can be loved as the person I am today.
With a little help from my friends.
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Wondering why I didn’t whore myself out to go to Blissdom and get to hear you talk in person. I will settle for your Fail Blog every day. I love it. Maybe I will see you at Blogher this summer? Are you going?
OMG you guys are so freaking cute I could LICK you.
Awww…. y’all are too cute! And I bet you did great at Blissdom…
I hope I can say this in type the way I am feeling it in my head/heart. so here goes nothing. I read this post and thought to myself, what a wonderful gift you have given to your daughter. You are okay with yourself. I mean, maybe you don’t see it, but in this last post, I just love the things you say, the things that you are willing to admit about yourself, to put out there for your daughter to see/read. Hmm…this isn’t coming out right. to give your daughter the gift of being comfortable in her own skin, to live her life and love, and laugh, and understand her personality, and BE OK WITH IT, wow. what a mom you are. thanks for the inspiration.
I love you.
She will be amazing because she’s your daughter. YOu are an amazing woman, a fantastic plane buddy and a wonderful friend. I am blessed to know you.
Check your voice mail…rofl!
Check your voice mail…rofl!
Oh I love you girly!!!! You were just what I expected and more. You’re all sorts of awesomeness because you are YOU!
I so wish I could have gone. I think it would have been less overwhelming and more intimate than BlogHer. Soooooo fun.
Isn’t it just CRAZY when you realize your kids are YOU? I’ve tried pretty freakin hard NOT to have them inherit my, um, “personality traits.” But my son is totally me. I hope I can make peace with it the way you are. Right now I just feel guilty.
I saw you at the Design session (apprentice) on Saturday, and I didn’t have a CLUE that you were nervous. You did SO great!
I ADORE that last pic, by the way.
This is my first visit to your blog.
Are you kidding me? You rocked it! And conveniently drew the attention away from my spazzy ass. For that I am eternally grateful.
Loved your session. Loved our chats. Love your kids. Love YOU!
You are one amazing lady!
snort that bitchez!
That. Was. AWESOME! As was your panel. I think you did an amazing job up there and you’re sense of humor masked your nervousness quite well!
(And this is coming from someone with a tremor…Good grief, I look like a 90 year old when speaking in front of people! I actually have to sit on my hands!)
I totally to agree with the poster that said you have given your daughter something invaluable. Little girls, even clumsy ones, need a strong sense of self. -and I’m speaking from experience here too.
Girl. We should have made more time to chat. I can so totally relate to this post it ain’t even funny. I spilled wine on white carpet at my first 2 neighborhood bunco games. It’s a wonder they let me come back. I’m the spaz. The one sticking my foot in my mouth. ANd my daughter? JUST like me! Talks nonstop. Clumsy. It’s painful to watch, but you know what? She’ll be okay. Because I’m okay. Usually. LOL!!!
Wish we’d had more chance to connect. Next year?
Don’t you realize that’s why I love you?? If you were perfect I’d have to hate you and that would suck.
I so love these photos.
You were totally NOT a spaz up there! Seriously, there were two sessions that I got the MOST valuable info from, and yours was one of them. What you think of as “duh” information makes me go “DUH! Why didn’t I think of that?” You were confident and seemed glad to be talking about something you’re an expert in. It was fabulous meeting you!
This is why you people are teh awesome. Because I know we can bond together here over crap we’re mortified about in public.
April, thank you!! That’s a wonderful way to look at it. I’m a spaz, granted, but it’s become this huge family joke. Hopefully it carries her through her awkward years if she can laugh about it. One of my great friends said, “What the hell would I do if I couldn’t laugh about it?” (Ahem, Syd, Ahem) and I couldn’t agree more.
Shash, Dawn, Rachel, Vdog, Jamie you have NO CLUE how much I adored being around you this weekend. Ok, maybe a clue, but honestly? Mad Big LOve for you ladies.
Karen- I think I’m in love. I’ve never been wood on the phone via song before. I’m TOTALLY moving in now! heh
Musings of a Housewife: NO WAY. You are not. You are so graceful! Dude. BlogHer? Me, You, Wine and a stick of Tide-Stain-Removal. Seriously, let’s connect for realz.
Mamma Loves: Babe, you’re a lover not a hater. It’s in YOUR NAME. :-D
Amo: I’m so glad you came by! Thank you for being so supportive. I saw you on twitter and I think it’s awesome to have you here.
Fruitlady- YUP! I am! I’d be happy to spill something on you or be all awkward around you.
Jen- for real, that is the best compliment. I’m glad it was valuable to you!! I love what I do. I’m glad it was evident.
MariaV and Marie- Y’all are like my rocks. You’re always such a great suport here. Thank you.
Honey, I was *there*, remember? You did awesome. I could sit and listen to you talk about that stuff (the stuff I don’t understand) for hours. Seriously.
It was so great to meet you & work with you on the panel! You were awesome! And so SMART as well as spazzy. Your daughter will be thrilled to turn out like you did! This post really resonated with me…my crazy girl drives me insane, but she did NOT get her stubborn, spunky, mischievousness from her father. It’s all my fault. My dad has told me many times, “Girl, you inherited every bad trait I have.” (I think I got some of his good ones, too, but he’s right.) I think my baby girl is in the same boat.
Your daughter gets to be Just.Like.You? LUCKY GIRL!
I missed your panel, but I was thinking of you the whole time, and knowing that you were doing a facking awesome job at it.
And hey, you weren’t the one who spilled the alcohol this past weekend, remember? Shit, you were armed with my hand-towels in T-Minus 2 Seconds helping me clean up my Party Foul.
You’re high on my list of favorites spazzes. Especially since you drink when you cuss.
*lick*
Sammanthia - you’re hilarious. You’re so shiny and new to blogging. LOL. I’m glad you came!
Jenny- I know what you’re talking about. I say that’s why my son and I get along so well. Two spazzes together? Oy. But my boy is just like his dad and I like his dad.
Lotus, I fucking love you to the moon and back. Hanging out at your house was by far my favorite night. Braden is so delicious. If I lived there, I’d be annoying the shit out of you I’d be over so often. :: smooch! ::
How hilarious!!! Its funny how we don’t realize something till one day it hits us smack in the head and then it was so obvious all along.
As I have noticed I am becoming more and more like my own mother each day, its really a freaky thing!
I have instantly bonded with you and think you are the bees knees, the cats meow, the cream of the crop, and every other single description of the best of the best that I can think of (or can’t think of.)
FAVE.
LOVE.
YOU.
What a great post! You write these things that are so nebulous so well.
(and PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one to click on the boob link, I wasn’t reading you then
I loved your session you sweet little hummingbird. You did great! You are way harsh on yourself. You were disarming to those of us who are intimidated by techie stuff. And that’s excellent!
I wish I could have gone to Blissdom. We could finally meet and i could give you a big hug for helping me hang on to the last ounce of sanity that I have. I am so sure you were not a spaz. I am sure you fabulous because that’s just who you are.
I wish I was there. I would have loved to watch your panel.
I love you. You’re amazing and fantastic. I really couldn’t say enough about how great you are!
I love that you were there for me to share with you my tale of woe and how I made the entire panel pause to witness my total lack of ability to tell time. You made me feel better and continued to tease me which all equaled total awesomeness.
Adore. You.
`Arianne
{Waves SPAZTICLY from the crowd}
I love you, my sweet friend.
I adore you, my friend, and I love everything about you that makes you Mrs. Flinger! I wish I could have heard you speak because I am guessing it was way more beautiful than you realized
Love you girlie!
Oh man - all the Blissdom weekend… I slumped about my house like a angsty teenager. Golly, I longed to go… sounds like a missed greatness…
And your daughter and you. So precious. My husband and I spent years wondering why we don’t have mild-mannered children… Oh yeah, they’ve never witnessed such a thing in our home
I like the crazy kids - they make our lives fun 
Aww, neat. Very cool to have realizations of family traits, and hurrah for accepting klutziness. ;p