Geeky Talks
How to make me hate shoe shopping (and that’s damn hard to do)
Everyone has a story about when their Grandma was little, during the Great Depression, they had no rice therefore their parents ate rice every night like it or not until the cows came home. Because damn if she was EVER going without rice again. Or maybe it was butter so they had butter on everything. I forget. Then I also remember one of my mom not having shoes that fit her in elementary school so she used to go to Sunday School barefoot and sit on her feet to hide them under her dress. She swore we would never be without nice shoes that fit and clothes that were new and well cared for. Even as they sat on a hefty credit card bill and changing trends from bell bottoms to ankle zippers and back, we never went without.
And so when LB was walking a bit odd last night in the grocery store and hitting her feet saying, “OWIE! OWIE!” clawing to take them off, I realized I am not my mom. In fact, I am the anti-my-mom. My poor child tore off the only shoes that (used) to fit her feet and ran in stocking feet in the store. I was horribly embarrassed. Mr. Flinger didn’t think much of it because “whatever, kids take their shoes off,” but knowing she was crying because mommy bought an elmo DVD instead of shoes this week made me feel like the BEST MOM EVER. (Or was it the Starbucks Liquor? Or the Vodka? Or the Coffee? Either way. BEST MOM EVER!) So, to make up for my Best Mom Practice, I went to Stride Rite today to buy her shoes.
Now I know why I’ve never done that before.
Holy mother of batman, people. It was insanity. The tiny tiny isles with the stacks of “reach the one you want and they all fall down on your toddler” boxes compounded with several pissy toddlers, two pissy sales associates and even more pissy moms and dads. Back to school shopping? Out after your morning bloody mary? What the hell, people! It’s 11 AM on some random Wednesday and you’re all at effing Stride Rite?
LB was at her finest pulling out all the stops. She can run like the wind in stocking feet! She can slide across boxes faster than you can blink! She can crash in to a box of freshly stacked displays and make the entire store look our way! Wheee! I’m pretty sure everyone knew I am the BEST MOM EVER.
And then I tried to make her try on the shoes. Holy hell.
Screaming. Running. Fighting. Bribing with string cheese and stickers. Trying to be oh-so-patient while people step over me, ask me to move, “Excuse me but your large crack-showing ass is in the isle and your stroller is being pushed by some wild child with one shoe on.” Yes. I know.
So we ended up with one pair, I think they fit, and ran screaming from the store right in to Carters, where I spent the rest of the money we don’t have (sans job) and made myself feel all giddy with 50% off and pissing off people because I gave up parenting.
I was shopping, damnit. And I was going to enjoy it, screaming, running child or not.
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I hate that store too - why are they so SMALL? And doesn’t it feel great to go through the Stride Rite experience and then pay out the ass for shoes that are going to be too small in 3 mos? You need to have LB model some of her new outfits!
It’s been forever since I went to an actual shoe shop to buy shoes, esp for the boys… I usually just grab up the cutest (ie hopefully on clearance) shoes at WalMart. And trying them on before hand?! Yeah Right!!
Sounds like you were way more brave than I would have been!
Shopping with a screaming, running child? Is there any other way?
Ha - Ry LOVES shoes and you should of seen the tantrum she threw because I wouldn’t buy the sparkly lighted princess ones. Seriously.
Liquor? I am on it!
Shoe shopping with your children is life-threatening.
This is a very funny post.
And, I like the new design. Very nice.
Hell I can’t even manage shoe shopping at Target. Last time I had both girls with me and swore I’d never do it again because it shook me to the core! Pure insanity. And, hey Starbucks Liquor is a NECESSITY that ranks right up there with shoes.
Sounds like me when I used to take my son shoe shopping when he was smaller. Thank goodness he actually likes to go shoe shopping now. Makes the trip easier, though not more enjoyable.
You’re still in my thoughts.
Nice! That is exactly how BOTH bmy girls behave at any and every store we attempt shopping in. Seriously. I heart you for buying vodka and starbucks liquor. I’ve been meaning to do that my self, but you know. And you are the best Mom ever! Kids feet grow overnight. I can’t tell you how many times it has happened with both girls that one day the shoes just don’t fit anymore. Some kind of freaky child hormone sneaks up and blam. Worse thing have happened than stockinged feet pittering down the aisle, seriously!
Our favorite shoe store is babyGap. We seriously heart their canvas sneakers—they are less than $20, it is rarely crowded, and the selection is rather small. I enjoy this because the power to choose sends me to my knees. When it comes to my darling sons, I don’t want options. Just footwear.
We also have a friend whose very young daughter’s podiatrist swears by Payless.
I know! My mom took my oldest son (10) shoe shopping the other day (bless her!) and informed me that he wears a 7 on one foot and a 6 on the other…and the old ones he’s been wearing all summer were 5’s. I felt like mother of the year too.
Your very last sentence felt so me. Sometimes people are just looking at me as if to say ‘how can you enjoy yourself at _______ when your wild child is running crazy like that?’ and I just look back, thinking ‘sometimes I have to sacrifice the enjoyment of other shoppers so I can have a decent time. Sorry’.
I’m all for Target - hold shoes up to current shoes on toddler’s foot, see that they are bigger, and purchase - all while child is tossing raisins happily on the floor.
We’ve had those OTHER kinds of shopping adventures too…a few times in view of a parent from my school. Oh well!
Yay shopping! You deserve it!
You ARE an awesome mom—- because you made sure LB’s needs were met even with all the horrid crap piling up on you right now (not to mention, you probably didn’t feel well physically).
I really want things to get better for you. Someone needs to drop a fancy deodorizing tablet in that toilet! Or maybe a nice fuzzy toilet lid cover? What, not your style? OK, well, how about if the words, “Leave me the F alone!” are stiched into it?
You’re too funny! That was hysterical! You have also convinced me that I won’t be going shoe shopping with Ethan until he’s 15 or so. Life’s too short!
I get awarded the “BEST MOMMY EVER” glares by passerbyers often. Typically it’s when W’s doing the, “Carry me, SLAVE!” tantrum but is left to “rot” in her stoller while I do something less important, like pay for something or fill out paperwork. Oy, the screaming…Oy, the glares. Personally, I rather like the idea of sitting in comfort while my personal slave pushes me around…but it hasn’t happened yet. *sigh*
Anne