Geeky Talks
I’ll regret posting this just after I hit publish, won’t I
It’s no secret we’re trying for number two. And by no secret, I mean welcome to my sex life. Holy lord, I really have been a bit preoccupied with posting about my sex life as of late, yes? Well, should this month not be “the month” get ready for more. This whole fascination is something that surprises me a bit. I had a really tough first few months with my daughter. I fell into Post Partum Depression pretty hard. I would cry in the closet, in the shower, in the car just to be away from my family. My new, lovely, fuckedup family. I swore, more than a few times, there is nothing like having a baby to ruin a perfectly good marriage. Sleep deprivation is evil, people. It makes you question everything when all you really want is a good night’s rest and some quiet time. No screaming children. No pissy (and also sleep deprived) husband. Quiet. Thus the sitting in the car or the shower or the closet until mommy-guilt would set in and I’d go pick up my child and convince myself I loved her.
Like I said, it was hard.
Now, though, I’m pretty happy with my life. I love that-which-can’t-be-written-about, I found my best friend in my husband again, my family made it through some rough patches and came out just peachy. In fact, peachier than peachy. Like, grapefruit size peachy.
We’ve done our best to make this month “the month.” And now? If I’m being honest? I’m scared just a little more than shitless.
I’m afraid of those first three months. I’m afraid of not sleeping. I’m afraid of being pregnant and gaining all that weight. I’m afraid of not coming out of it like myself but some crazed mom struggling with the toddler and newborn. I’m afraid of the winter, of the nights, of the darkness that covered my every moment. I’m afraid of not falling in love with my baby until I have medicine and I’m afraid of being alone, struggling to survive, and being outnumbered by them. I’m afraid that by posting this, Karma will kick my ass (as it’s wont to do) and I will, in fact, not be pregnant, because I’m also afraid it won’t happen.
So I don’t know where I win. Or if I can. Or if I already have.
Aug, 01, 2006 Filed in: Depth and Faith •The Flinger Family •post partum depression •TTC • Read the Archives 
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I’m sitting here nodding, Leslie. I wasn’t blogging at the time, but I had a rough bout with PPD too. The thought of a 2nd pregnancy is scary to me too. Yet the thought of my son growing up an only child does make me sad, though it looks like that’s how it will most likely be for us, mainly due to our ages.
I’m wondering if it might be better the second time around—when you’ve already lived through it and know that the hell doesn’t last forever (because when you’re going through it, it sure is hard to believe that…).
If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. It’s in God’s hands. At least that’s my take…
Big hug, Leslie!! You’re a hon.
Gah! It is all really scary. My husband and I are on the brink of starting to try to have our first, but I’m scared shitless. Mostly about the sleep thing. A couple of months ago I was having trouble sleeping and because of that I fell into a pretty deep depression and finally had to give in and go to the doctor (sleeping pills are wonderful, when they work). I can’t imagine how much worse it will be when my hormones are out of whack too. But other than that, I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I guess the longrun is worth the shortrun issues.
You are so not alone Leslie. The hell of the first few months seems so drawn out and it is hard to take care of anything else when you can’t even take care of yourself.
I like Marie’s standpoint that it doesn’t last forever. That is how I try to view the really shitty times. Although I don’t want JB#1 and JB#2 to grow up really fast, but I do secretly wish for time to advance a little. (Although if it isn’t one thing killing me alive, it will be another.)
Hang in there. Hoping for baby vibes!
Although my husband doesn’t want another child (it would be his fourth if we had another but only my second), we played Russian Roulet last night. And, while the idea of “accidentally” getting pregnant thrills me, it scares me too.
We are also now finally at a place where our little family of three clicks perfectly. “That which can’t be written about” is also amazing for us, allowing us to know when we’ll have some time together each day to spend as a couple. Sleep is not an issue. The idea of a newborn in the house, as well as a toddler, is daunting. But, I would love for my daughter to grow up with a sibling close in age. I think it’d be good for her and since my husband and I are older, I would feel better if she had someone who would always be there for her in addition to us.
It’s hard all the way around, isn’t it?
I can’t even imagine how hard PPD is. I hear how hard life is with a newborn without adding that to the mix, but you made it through the first time and now you are armed with all the strength and knowlege of how to make it through again. I hope for you that the second time will be different and you will look back and say “no big deal”, but you are already prepared for battle with the worst. What more can you do?? Hoping you have a super smooth ride!
I’m hoping that you are pregnant and that you have a better than anticipated pregnancy and NO PPD.
Thanks for your honesty. I knew I was not the only one out there that felt like this, but no one talks about it. You’re supposed to come home with a brand new baby and have a shit-eating grin on your face, when in reality all you want to do is get in the car and drive far away. Thankfully, it gets easier. Good Luck with everything.
Number 2 is easier (the kid that is). You know a little more of what to expect, a little more of what works to keep them quiet or settle them down. Being over powered by them will happen whether is 1 or 50. I can’t say anything on PPD since I never experienced it, but you know how you are feeling then and it will be easier to get help with it earlier then before.
Trust me - 2 is better, they entertain each other (or beat on each other, depending on the ages!)
And 3? Well hell they all just fight over the 3rd like she is the grand prize at the fair. And she just fights for everything (and gets it too) because She is THE Princess and ruler of this household!
(((hugs))) I think anytime you make a decision in life that is “changing” its always bound to throw you for some loops and freak you out in the process. I agree that the 2nd was easier..they just “fit” in with what was already going on. I pray the 3rd does the same.
though I too, am scared to death about it right now and question if we made the right choice. I know in the end we will feel that we did. I never dealt with PPD, but from friends who have, I am pretty sure you can talk to your OB about it, and I think towards the end you can take something to help with the transition, so it doesnt hit you hard. And again, it MAY NOT hit you. OR if it does, you will recongize the signs earlier 
Every pregnancy is different, and remember, you had LB in the fall/winter. Its a hard time emotionally anyway not to mention a new baby. #2, will be born in the spring/summer and I hope that totally helps 
You guys will be able to go out and take walks. 
((hugs)) I hope this is the “month” for you guys!!
Youre going to be just fine. My older brother was a couple weeks shy of his 2nd birthday when I was born. He was early December and I was late November. This time around youll know what to expect.
It’s a scary business, I’ll tell you that. I never struggled with PPD, but I was scared to death when I had this third one. Scared that I was too old, scared b/c everyone talks about how the third outnumbers you, just plain scared. It all turned out fine though and I’m so glad he came around.
I’ll be thinking about you and sending good, positive baby vibes your way!
at least this time around you have an idea what to expect. and you’ll know what it is if it come back again. and you’ll know that it gets better. because damn, woman - you’ve got a pretty awesome family there.
I recognized PPD right away shortly after MaryGrace was born. I went on Zoloft and I became a better wife. I just wanted to be a good mother[.
I know it’s overwhelming I have been there too. You call us and we will be there for you. Just know that you are not alone.
I am praying wonderful things for you.
I am glad you wrote this post and I hope you feel better.
I think we all have these scarey thoughts when #2+ comes along. Heck, I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to keep high-energy W busy and happy while juggling a newborn. The thought is too mind boggling for me to dwell on, so I shove it in the back of my head and sing a little song…
Anne
so when are you going to pee on a stick? is a monththe soonest? oh why am i asking, you’ll surely let us know. i’d like to tell you two is easier than one but that would be a hellacious lie. so get ready for the shit to hit the fan. and YAY! PS It will be easier to deal with tho, the pregnancy and first year of babyness, than it was with LB.
I’m nodding over here, too. And my pregnancies were semi-uneventful, and I didn’t have PPD. So I think it’s normal to be scared shitless (and hey, we didn’t even officially plan ds2) and afraid of having two (yes, sometimes it sucks, other times it’s quite fun).
Fwiw, I didn’t really fall in love with ds1 until he was about 6mo, but I attribute part of that to his traumatizing (to me at least) birth that I’m still healing emotionally from.
Just remember, you’re not really outnumbered unless you conceive twins. As long as you have one parent to one child, they don’t really have the upper hand and you can tag-team them. Or that’s what I tell myself.
*hugs*
Having kids means suddenly losing control over so many variables, its really hard when maybe you felt put together and on top of things before. Suddenly, you’re NOT. There are days when I’m like, why can’t all these guys be in school, then everything, at least for those 7 hours, will have some sort of order while they aren’t here to mess it all up.
My hubby probably wonders where I’m getting sex since he doesn’t think he gets enough. I’m like, “dude, it’s called exhaustion and I’m sure you don’t want a bedtime romp where I’m snoring one minute in, right?”
There’s no rules, there’s no parenting book, there’s nothing to go by. You have to live it and you’ll do stuff right and you’ll do a shitload wrong. Gawd, if I was the perfect mom with the perfect kids, people would hate me! I figure I’m screwing my kids up just enough so that in their 30s, they can be trendy and go to therapy.
As someone gearing up for Baby #2’s arrival, I too am scared of those first few months - days that went by so slowly, but really truly seem a blur now. (just like everybody told me, but how can you believe it at the time?)
The other posters are all right - you’ll know more what to expect (less of a learning curve!), you’ll have PPD support sooner if needed, and you’re guarenteed a pretty cute kid out of the deal!
I’m completely repeating what almost everyone above me has said. The PPD crap is so freakin’ scary. You’ll get through it though. And seriously? It probably won’t be nearly as bad because you know what to expect. Hope things go your way!
I think being scared of what you’re getting into indicates what a good mother you are. You are aware of the weight of your responsibility and will allow the baby to impact your life. You’re going into this with your eyes open and still want it.
I hope the PPD is better this time. Can you plan to do some things differently this time? Maybe arrange to have a mother’s helper a couple of days a week? Or a therapist or friend to check in with? If anything, it might be a little easier to get help since you’ll be able to recognize the signs and know what’s “baby blues” and what’s PPD.
Oh man… you truly spoke as if you read my mind in this post (and many others!). I also agree with the folks here that suffered with PPD, as I did. I had my life SO in order and I was SO happy, but my hubby really REALLY wanted a baby and he is the best man I’ve ever known, so I wanted to help him get that dream. But, I was hit SO F’ING HARD with PPD and regret and sadness and I just wanted to give my beatiful baby back, or send her away or ANYTHING to get our old life back (and all of this while I was already ON anti-depression meds and had been for years).
It’s so scary. I personally would NEVER EVER EVER have another child because I am SO traumatized over that first experience. That and the fact that I’m OLD (41) and don’t want to be REALLY old when my kids grow up. BUT, I have heard (and DO believe) that the second child is easier than the first, and if your first was a difficult baby then the second one will be an angel.
You are so strong and resourceful and willing to ask for help. Knowing what you know now will DEFINITELY make the experience easier to handle this time. You’re obviously a good mommy or you wouldn’t even be worried about it!
Now… I have to go read more of your archives on motherhood and nod in great understanding and sisterhood…
You have a lot of comments on this entry, and it’s no surprise. I think most people, wheather they had a wonderful or awful first three months, is scared of #2. I did not suffer from PPD after my first, but was terrified that it was waiting me with #2. Now I’m weeks away from meeting #3, and WHO KNOWS?
I guess my point is, if you want another child, just try to focus on why you want another, not all the fears that could come along with it. We could all drive ourselves batty with fear of how our child will be… or how we will be with him/her. I could go on and on, as I think everyone who thinks of having a child has a freak out time. Just focus on the prize. You’ll be fine.
Being aware of and honest about your fears is important, and you rock big time for writing about them in your blog. I haven’t done the childbirth thing yet, but I hear from a few good sources that having a baby is hard!!! and anxiety-provoking!!! and, oh my, sometimes women who get pregnant don’t feel 100% blissful 100% of the time. IT IS OK, and I would wonder about you if you never had any doubts, especially since you have a child already to constantly remind how rough it can be. Your body will not punish you for lacking blind optimism. I hope you are pregnant, but if not, it is not karmic punishment for your realistic fears about taking a major life-changing step.
I think you’ll do great! The first one is so overwhelming because it’s all new and you’re always unsure of yourself. The second, third and fourth are much easier.