Geeky Talks
I’m so fucking tired of letting people down
My son had a field trip the other day to a cabin in the woods. It’s a cabin from 1865, a simpler time, were the butter was only made because you made it yourself. The cabin was cold. (As you’d expect old cabins to be.) We pondered life in the old days and how different things are now.
Maybe it’s a sign of the times, that a single person can let down entire groups of people multiple times a day. That with twitter and facebook and social media, you can have that many more connections, that many more commitments, that many more ways to upset people. There’s not just the farm, your family, and a neighbor or two; there are thousands of people watching you tweet, hundreds asking for a “one little favor” and a dozen people wanting just ONE thing, just if you don’t mind, can you… I know you’re busy but…
I recently pared way back on any contracting opportunities. Realizing I need two things: 1) sanity and 2) to keep my promises, I’ve only taken on extra work from one location. I still work, in my off time, as a freelance developer for the tramps and god, what a great feeling when Amanda asks if I was able to get to something and I WAS! And she appreciates it! And we fist bump and grab our crotch and spit because fucking hell! Awesome.
But still, I have that ... need. The need to help people. I still want to answer questions, because they are being asked. Or to do some work for someone because I like them. But writing for other sites or helping a friend just seems to fall to the side. It’s hard to let commitments slide, to feel like you lose friends because you can’t keep up with their blogs, to not make the conferences, to begin fading in to the background simply out of survival.
“Hey, how come you haven’t…” “Why don’t you just….” “Where is my .....” “I thought you were going to…..”
I know. I KNOW. I want to. I did. I started. It’s here. It’s almost ready. It’s ....
I’m telling myself that saying NO might very well be the best thing for everyone. It’s OK to say no. Because saying ‘No’ now might prevent me saying, “I just didn’t get to it” later.
It’s not that I don’t want to. I still love you. I still want to help. I still want to be able to be here for you. To help you. To read you. To comment and be part of your network. It just saddens me that I’ve lost touch with some of my favorite of all people and I’m longing a bit for the more simple times. When blogs were where we reached out and we still had a small enough community to truly connect. Before the children needed things, before the bills got so big, before the market crashed and you lost your largest investment and the security that went with it.
Life, it isn’t slowing down. It’s up to me to find that space, the harmony, with letting down as few people as possible. Most notably: Me.
*P.S. Thank you, Amanda, for being awesome and letting me work with you even when I sort of go a little crazy and you talk me off a tree limb yelling css selectors and psudo-code while scratching fleas off the backs of my ears. I love you for it.
** P.P.S. I’m currently on a tree limb scratching at imaginary fleas yelling code. {monkey_sound}++
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Hey, I’m totally satisfied just watching you do the crotch-grabbing-spitting thing, so we’re good.
Dude, I’m so with you on this. I just keep blaming my pregnancy. Seems like the best (and most selfish) excuse of all, so I’m running with it.
I’m sure after baby’s born I’ll have tons of time to write more blog posts and connect with long-lost blogging buddies. Right?
I just wrote almost the same post. (Well, you wrote it better, of course, but I tried to make the same point. Mine was whinier.) I just can’t do it all. And then I’m letting everyone down.
I could have written this. If I actually wrote things, you know.
I’m running out of excuses for why I’m letting people down.
I’ve pared my life down to a very few things and even that seems to be too much most of the time. This is hard.
Love/ hate.
I feel you, sister.
If it helps, I still feel like I could cold-call you and pick up wherever we damn well please.
I could have written this post. I have this strong desire to help people, but I always end up biting off more than I can chew and then I have to let people down. I’ve begun saying no lately. It’s been hard, but in the end will be better for everyone. It’s a lot better to have someone disappointed because you didn’t agree to do something, than have them disappointed because you DID agree, and then didn’t do it.
I can relate in many ways. When you figure it all out, maybe you can write it all down and publish a book. Instant best-seller, I tell ya.
You people are nice to me. I love you so. XO
Let’s all huddle in the corner and pass the vodka.
Yes, yes, yes. I feel this. Every day.
So much word to this post. It’s like you read my mind. What really sucks is the people I have to say no to are the people I generally like the most. Fuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.
Practice saying “no”. I know that seems silly, but the more you actually say it, the easier it becomes when you really REALLY need to say it. I promise!
It’s a feeling of absolute suck isn’t it, to feel like you are failing absolutely everyone around you. I know that feeling well. Don’t think that any of us blame you for taking a step back and paring down so that you can function, we don’t, in fact some of us probably wish we could do the same.
xoxo always
Try not to drown in that feeling…drowning in vodka is so much more fun.
Wait a minute, “pseudo code” What the hell is that? I am not being accurate when I say: (href:my shit + to parsing your love> <blockquote> [[ftw]] whereas: “_what-she-said” <to the eleventyieth degree lovin”> is pseudo?
What the heck?
Look, all I want is a chance to operate the boob cam, ok? Not on your boobs, on mine. I can rock a push-up if necessary.
Just sayin.
Yes. Every. Blessed. Day. Just keep swimming, climbing, whatever it is you’re doing, right now, except for the spitting thing, I’m easy
I know. I know.
I really, really feel you on this. I feel like I’m letting down work, my son’s school, my other son’s preschool, and my friends because of the crazy committments I’ve made to each that I just can’t follow through on. I too need to learn how to say no. Thanks for the post.
I’m gonna make you practice saying NO.
Les… be good to yourself and just say NO. Us recovering Catholics have enough guilt in our lives without creating more by overextending ourselves to the point of “letting people down.” But it sure is hard to recognize our own limitations and realize we just can’t do it all, even if we want to. It’s all about finding balance, and I’ve been looking for it for years!
“No. I can’t. I wish I could, but I can’t. I value—treasure—our friendship too much to risk disappointing you or giving you the impression that I just don’t care, and that’s what would happen if I say “yes” and then can’t follow through. The highest respect I can pay our relationship is by being open and honest, up front. That’s a hard thing for me to do, but that’s OK because you mean that much to me. I hope you can see my “no” from this perspective. I love you.”