Geeky Talks
In which I offend most of you except maybe my dad. Or Rush Limbaugh.
Be warned, Internet. I am ticked. Ticked, tired, and in charge of tiny tiny children who have no respect for “get off the floor and stop licking that stranger’s shoes fortheloveofgodI’mnottellingyouagain.”
So.
Yesterday I
monkeys to the DMV. Having every forseen document I could think of, title of car, insurance, bank account information, birth certificate, passport, photos of my children. a letter from my teacher in fourth grade and my checkbook, I figured 2pm on a Wednesday was a pretty good time to try to get our cars licensed in the Evergreen State.
It’s never a good time to go to the DMV. Trust me. Never.
I walk in with the baby strapped to me and toting the three year old by the arm. Three meltdowns and twenty minutes later, we get to the counter. “WE DO NOT ACCEPT VISA OR DEBIT DO NOT PASS GO.” I politely ask the lady at the counter if I can keep my place in line and run out to my car for the checkbook which I dropped in the car while getting the kids out. “No.”
Alrighty then.
Twenty more minutes later and four more meltdowns we’re back up to the counter. “Here’s a letter of reference from my Biology professor in college, a passport, a drivers licensed and a cookie. I’d like to get my car licensed.” She looks over my papers and shakes her head. “Where’s your EPA paper?” “My whu?” “Your EEE PEEEE AYYYY paper.”
Apparently you have to visit another government agency about three miles south to have your car tested, pay 15 bucks and come back with an EPA paper.
Alrighty then.
So, an hour later I shlep the monkeys back to the counter (remembered my checkbook! YEY!) and get everything up to the same gal. “Hi again,” I’m out of breath now. “I have my EPA paper.” She’s quite, nodding, looking over everything and eating that cookie. “Hrm. No. You need to go to the Department of Revenue.”
Excuse me?
“Yes, see, blahblahblahdyblah title blahblahblah I’m going to charge you 800 dollars unless you go prove bladbloahblahablahhh”
I stare. LB licks the floor. Baby O scratches me.
“The department of revenue is 7 miles up the highway on the left. You’ll need to see them.”
Alrighty then.
Here’s where I get pissed. “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME….” there is a long string of words I’m not really sure of that came pouring out of my mouth. I may or may not have cussed. I may or may not have spoke in tongues. I may, or may not, have wet my pants and I may, or may not, have been talking a wee bit too loud.
The lady doesn’t budge. LB continues to lick the floor. Baby O scratches me again.
I sigh deeply, heavily, and with every fiber in my very tired mom body. I kick my daughter in the foot and tell her to “getoffthefloorrightnoworelse” and then grab her arm. With angry tears stinging my tired eyes, I walk out of the DMV shaking my head.
I know you have this story. It’s something we can all relate to. But still we’ve somehow managed to pass out drivers licenses to most people, residents or not. But bygod, if you’re a mom with two small children trying to obey the law? Fuckyou.
I shiver in my soccer-mom shoes at the thought of the ever-so-efficient government being in charge of our medical care. Because the first time I go to the ER with my child having an asthma attack and some bitch behind the counter tells me I need such-and-such approval from the President to seek care? It will not be pretty. For any of us.
Apr, 03, 2008 Filed in: Write •Mother F.U.C.K.E.R. •Getting to know me •Rants and Raves •Mrs. Flinger Said So • Read the Archives 
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Comments
OH dear. You guys may use my address to license your cars in Oregon. It’s much easier here, yes?
Exactly!!
I always wonder at those who want to put the government in charge of anything truly important… I mean, have they never dealt with “civil servants” - most of whom are neither civil, nor serving?
Granted - there will always be the exception to the rule - but for the most part, dealing with indolent, lazy “it’s not my job to help you and besides, I’ve got job security” types is enough to drive anyone mad… to be schlepping the offspring along throughout all of it must just intensify the effect!
I’m so sorry you spent your day fighting to get this done only to come up empty.
Let’s just hope that karma (whathaveyou) catches up with Miss “youcould’vetoldmethatthefirst3times” and she gets stuck trapped in a TSA loop at the airport!
(((hug)))
And no… you didn’t offend me. The fact that you went through all of that offends me.
Ok. That sucks and I totally know that feeling! But I may or may not have peed my pants laughing at this post, Flinger!
I am always more and more floored (and pissed off) by people’s lack of responsible behavior. That bitch should totally have gone through everything with you at once! What an ass! And I thought my concierge was irresponsible.
THIS is why I avoid—at all costs—taking my children anywhere alone.
Hell yes. This post is the best example I’ve ever seen. Government in charge of anything is a clusterfuck waiting to happen.
Oh girl, I hear you. Tried to change my name at Social Security once. Almost had to go to court over it.
WHAT is wrong with those people? Do they like to torture us? Maybe they should just all switch careers and become dominatrixs’, because if anyone truly wanted to be treated that badly I am sure they would pay someone to do it.
I am so sorry you had this experience.
AMEN!
You could not have stated it more eloquently, my friend.
Too Right!
Amen
and well said.
I have a theory about government employees. Some are helpful and kind and others? I SWEAR they enjoy F*cking with people and exerting the small power that they have to make their lives less miserable.
Try going with a “certificate of live birth” as issued in GERMANY to those of us Army brats out there. Their pantys get in a tight little wad then…
I am sure that they search the deepest trenches of hell for those employees…
Maybe that is where I should start looking to hire.
You gave that b1tch your cookie?
I am with you, Flinger!!!!
dare i say it, i had a good (VERY) good experience at my last trip to DMV. I had blocked about 3 hours and was there less than 30 minutes ???
Eek. What the hell is wrong with people?
OH MY GOSH. I think I could PEE i’m laughing so hard. But I can’t yell at my kid for doing it, so I probably shouldn’t do it myself. lol
Crying. I am crying from laughter. If my laptop is ruined from the SPEW of my soda pop…you’re worth it girl. How the heck are you? Are you going to Blogher? Have I asked you this 500 times?
I couldn’t agree MORE! ARRRRRRRRRRGH!
I’ve been wanting to do a post about universal health care…this is inspiring me!
The DMV in NJ told me they could not accept my forms of ID because the name on my original, stamped, birth certificate (maiden) did not match the name on my passport (married). I should note that my married name also appeared on the NJ driver license I was there to renew - clearly they had accepted my ID in the past. After blinking 487 times while trying VERY hard not to shout expletives, I asked what I should do next. She actually suggested I contact my town of birth to have them update my birth record and bring the revised birth certificate (with my married name on it) back to her! No amount of blinking kept the very loud comments about her intelligence back after that.
It would have made too much sense for her to go through all your papers the first time and tell you what you are missing, right? F.U.C.K.E.R.S. is right.
Don’t get me started with the inadequacies of the bureacracy. And so many people want to give them even more power? WHAT?? Are you fucking crazy??
Argh.
Ha ha! Great post… (but sorry it happened to ya)!
I think DMV peeps HATE their jobs, so they make it as awful for everyone else as possible so they will have comrades in their demented world. Kind of like how your friends tell you that having children is TEH GREATEST THING EVAR, so you have one and then you want to go kill them for lying. (Okay, so it’s got its great moments, but COME ON.)
I am a loyal lurker of your blog, but I just had to tell you I was laughing out loud(LOL!) at this post! I’m sorry that this happened though that really sucks! I just don’t understand people.
I’m right there w/ ya though!
A-f*cking-MEN!!
The story is tragically funny. The prospect of turning our hospitals into the DMV is frightening.
What a crappy experience! That’s my opinion of the whole govt. health care thing too. Look at EVERY government-run agency you have to go to do anything and it’s a nightmare. What makes someone think healthcare would be any more efficient? AHHHHH!
We don’t have a DMV here in the great white north, but I’ve heard horror stories. Here, to renew your license, you need your old license and one other piece of government issued ID. Maybe 2. That’s it. To get a license plate on your car, you need proof that it’s yours, proof that you have insurance, and your license.
Our healthcare here works pretty well, too. Just your health card and you see the doc.
Agh. I’m not sure how I missed this post earlier! This was very much like Jason’s trip to the DMV in TEXAS. ANd for everything they wanted him to do/bring back it cost two arms and four legs and 3 hours later… Seriously he was about ready to start kicking and screaming and cussing. He was very disillusioned with the whole concept of Texas… we always thought it was this extra special Land of the Free… well! And don’t even get him started on when he tried to get his concealed handguns license. Another disillusionment! It almost makes a person want to move back to Idaho!
Have you seen Idiocracy? You have to rent this movie. Trust me, it will all make sense if you just see this movie.
I am so with you on this… I HATE the DMV.. I had to go to renew my registration dragging my 2yo twins with me… THEN a month later.. had to renew my license!!! I could’ve sworn that thing needed to be renewed NEXT year… UGH…
Yeah, been there in three states, minus the kids tho.
Gotta say, this sounds much like the office at my OBYGN. And, the thing is I go to Cedars Sinai, which had I thought a reputation for excellence, but it turns out they hire the ex DMV employees to handle paperwork and scheduling.
When it comes to health care, we are pretty sunk either way.
Word. A perfect example of why I don’t want their grubby miserable paws on my doctor’s office.
Thanks for the support Mrs. Mustard. Maybe our government isn’t as organized as yours, but somehow I have to think being able to see the doctor is better than not. This would be coming from someone who simply can’t afford insurance so therefor can’t afford to go to the doctor.
Personally I think the people at the DMV (and DSHS) are dealing with incompetent people so often they just sink to that level.
Ugh. The DMV. What a horrible place. You make an excellent point about government run healthcare being like the DMV. Both would leave you standing in line until you die.
I honestly don’t know why anyone with two brain cells to rub together thinks that involving the government in anything would be a good thing.