The room is hot today. Hotter than usual. I ponder this as my heart races.
Perhaps it is not the room, but my head.
Thoughts pound within the sides of my skull. Anger, frustration, uncertainty. I hear the sound of the room breathing, Pranayama. In. Out. In. Out.
We begin our salutations. I stretch. I try to release. My tummy folds on itself and I judge it. I feel myself tense and I release again. I remind myself it birthed two children that I love dearly and not to hate it for its work.
I breath in again. And out.
We fold in to downward dog. Breathing. The voice from the teacher reminds us to be center. “Nothing Beyond” she says. Nothing Beyond I remind myself. Centered. On this mat. In this room. In this heat. Right now.
I find myself rattling off a todo list and wondering if I’ve heard back from so-and-so. I catch myself.
I envision a mountain. I try, as two of my favoriteauthors both stated in their path to meditation, to let my thoughts be as clouds to me, the mountain. I try to acknowledge my thoughts but not dwell upon them.
I do another pushup, another stretch, another Vinyasa.
In our final Savasana I feel myself pulled by gravity. I am grounded. I am stable. I am strong and empowered.
I am a little more able to work. To focus. To be.
It is the “being” that I am most working on.
Being nothing beyond.
This is the goal.