May 02, 2011
The heat kicks back on and I know it won’t warm me. The walk to the car will be wet and cold. I wear a layer of my body like an extra coat of energy, just waiting, hoping to be used. I drink another cup of coffee and turn the heat as high as I can while I drive. I will struggle with children, putting coats and hoods and boots on and splashing back to the car again. The effort nearly crushes me.
It is May. The realization nearly takes my breath away.
It is May.
Seattle just finished the coldest April on record. Even after two amazingly sunny days this weekend, we return to the usual rain and high of 55 degrees.
You can watch for signs of failures, you can talk about becoming better at your job, or at parenting, or about being healthier phsyically. But one day you might notice that you can’t crawl out of bed and you don’t want to get dressed. Suddenly your bones have been cold for months and the brightest lights in the house can’t make you “snap out of it.” While this isn’t true for everyone, I know it’s harder for some of us than others.
The things we pay attention to, always asking if it is affecting our work or our kids or our families, might not be the thing that takes us down in the end. Four months of weepy, moody, lethargic days eventually pay their price.
Work, Family, Life. Right now, in this cold dreary day, the effort nearly crushes me.