Oprah and Bon-Bons (or, why I suck at being a WAHM)

Parenting

Anyone else feel like you’re treading under water? Grey’s Anatomy aside here, we’re all drowning in snot and a megga slow server. I swear I’ve tried to update only to get a “page loading” message for, oh, more than the .2 nanoseconds that I have patience to wait so I close my browser and decide my site hates me. No, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s the snot. It’s the fever. It’s the holy-hell-sinus-pressure-that-I-can-only-take-farking-saline-spray-for (!?) and the other things the Internet was telling me you don’t need to hear about.

Being sick is boring as hell, y’all.

Whilst laying around for days (as in five) trying to get the She Child to just not kick mommy in the belly and let me sleep while she plays with knives and electrical outlets (at the same time), it never occurred to me to turn on Oprah. Y’all, I’m home almost every day at 4pm, the heralded Oprah hour around the country, and to this day I’ve seen Oprah about 6 times ever. That includes a few times that I tuned in on accident when trying to flip to a Sesame Street on TiVo.

I don’t dislike her. Except that I do. I didn’t realize I felt anything for Oprah until Thursday night when I watched the stars interviewing each other about the Oscars. Julia Roberts? So my kind of gal. George Clooney? Hot. Ovbiously. But the Oprah portion of the Oprah show is a tad bit.. much.. for me. For some unknown reason, she gets under my skin and crawls around like a dung beetle wearing too much mascara. Runny mascara, maybe. Maybe she’s born with it? 

Mr. Flinger asked me if I ever watched Oprah during the day. I laughed, said “all the time, beyotch! While eating bon-bons and stuffing my bra, duh.” Then I wondered why I don’t. Why don’t I like Oprah? What has she ever done to me? I like that she’s out there doing good in the world and spreading the luff. All good for her and those who watch. And if you watch, I am not judging you in the least. Instead, I’m wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I can’t seem to get behind someone with so much influence, for the better even, on working and stay at home people everywhere.

Maybe my heart is stone. Or maybe my kid is too busy to watch an hour talk show in the middle of the day. Or maybe Jamie is right, women are more in to blogging than watching TV. Either way, I think I’d prefer reading Sweatpants Mom‘s version of Oscar Night. And as far as Bon Bons and Day Time TV, well, I’ll have to get back to you on that one. As soon as I figure out what a Bon Bon is.