PCOS Signs, Definitions, and a Poem

Feb 26, 2010


For the last 20 ohmygodI’mnotkidding years, I’ve had painful ovulation followed by puffy, painful, uterus-numbing cramps. I’ve been told to “suck it up”, to take an Asprin and call back in the morning, to eat some chocolate and get over it.

When I turned 25 and had my first “real job” with my first “real insurance” and “real boyfriend”, I decided to stop putting up with it and have someone fix me. Mr. Flinger (pre-Flinger days) urged me to find someone to help because sitting on the floor crying in the bathroom for 5 days during your period just didn’t seem right. Either that or suck-it-up and eat a Hersheys.

The doctors told me, after a short conusltation (three times) that having a baby would help. “Are you ready to be pregnant?” “Um, no?” “Oh, too bad, having a baby would really fix this.” “I was hoping for another solution than bringing a child in to the world because I wanted to skip my period for nine months.” “oh.” * (this conversation actually happened. Kaiser Permanente is a joy to be a part of.)

Finally I did have a baby! And oh! She was right! I had no ovulation pain! And then I had a baby cut out of my body, a uterine infection, post-partum depression, and a revenge from my ovaries they could’ve made a movie out of. Rated R.

After another baby and a few more years, I decided I didn’t want to take Birth Control Pills any longer as I near the age of “WOOPS” where hormones are no longer reliable and pills can have more damange to the body and produce tiny people in the mean time.

And it happened again.

And again.

I sought out my OB here. She confirmed it’s a cyst. “Some people get those,” she said. And sent me home to let it burst and get re-absorbed.

That motherfucking hurt.

Both emotionally and physically.

Finally, oh FINALLY, a week ago I found a doctor who sat and talked to me for an hour. In one hour she figured out the key to look in to.

PCOS. Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.

PCOS, according to Medline:

Polycystic ovary disease affects hormone cycles. Hormones help regulate the normal development of eggs in the ovaries. It is not completely understood why or how hormone cycles are interrupted, although there are several ideas.

Follicles are sacs within the ovaries that contain eggs. In polycystic ovary disease, there are many poorly developed follicles in the ovaries. The eggs in these follicles do not mature and, therefore, cannot be released from the ovaries. Instead, they form cysts in the ovary.

So when I ovulate, which doesn’t happen on Birth Control pills or during pregnancy, the only times I’ve had relief, my body starts the ovulation process as usual putting cysts in the follicles. One grows to maturity and the others get pissed off and jealous and start a war in my ovaries. Then they grow, get angry, and burst and I cry on the bathroom floor.



Yesterday, ass I lay on the floor in Yoga, cussing out my ovaries, I heard a “pop” of the egg getting released. (ok, not really, but aren’t you that in tune to your body, too? no?) I told Mr. Flinger, “THERE WILL BE NO SEXY TIME” as our potential child makes its way down the long hall to the exit. I find myself curling up and squeezing my ovaries like I could just pop the cysts all bubble-wrap style.

For the first time in my life, though, I have something to look up. Some reason. Something to diagnose.

It can lead to stroke, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.

It’s painful. It prevents losing weight. It causes depression.

I’ve never been to happy to hear those words.

Knowing is not just half the battle, it’s been my whole battle. Knowing means finding a solution.

So here, this week, as I clutch my pissed off ovaries again, I’m hopeful it’s one of the last months I do this. An end of a horrific era. And in that light, I find myself singing ALA Adam Sandler: Piece Of Shit Ovaries.

I ovulate like a Terminator.
Not like other gals
Producing eggs and cysts and such
that never make it down canals

It hurts like a mothah
and you crackers otta know
Being an egg in my ovary
Is one giant free throw

There’s competition among the follicles
and most always lose
‘cause that piece of shit ovary
Stubborn and refuse

Piece of Shit Ovary
I got a piece of shit ovary
Broken mother uckah ovary
I got a piece of shit ovary


  1. Me, too.  No one will diagnose me with it though (even though my sister is samesies and has been diagnosed).

    Anyhoo, you should check out soulcysters.com.

    By Ewokmama on 2010 02 26

  2. I feel your pain—literally.  I, too, have PCOS (or so they think.)  They have not been able to get any pictures of cysts on my ovaries but I fit ALL of the other symptoms so they are suggesting that’s what it is.  It’s not fun.  I really do not want to go back on the pill nor will I be getting pregnant again.  SO I am kinda just living with it.  Hang in there. 

    Please do me a favor and stop by my site—www.lifeasaceo.com—I switched to WP last weekend and all of my subscribers lost my feed in their reader!  Bummer.  Please re-subscribe or re-friend me on google friend.  THANKS!!

    By Chrissy MacCEO on 2010 02 26

  3. Yup. Guess who has that? Me! And the diabetes part too. The other fun thing is my huge cystic acne on my face. Which is why PCOS is a sleeper disease, cause 3 different docs need to talk to each other.

    I have been on the Minera IUD (the hormone one) for 2 years now, much better.

    By Aimee Greeblemonkey on 2010 02 26

  4. glad to hear that you have a diagnosis and here’s hoping that you don’t have to suffer anymore.

    By domestic extraordinaire on 2010 02 26

  5. Oy. Not fun. I had an ob/gyn when I was 20 tell me that she suspected I had PCOS (because of my weight and some other issues), but I’ve never had it confirmed. I don’t have the horrible ovulation pain like you mentioned, though. That sounds awful.

    By cindy w on 2010 02 26

  6. I thought PCOS made it really difficult to conceive? (I watch WAY too much Discovery Health, seriously) Have they also maybe explored endometriosis? Because your symptoms fit that too… just wondering!

    By Erin on 2010 02 26

  7. That cyst shit is NO JOKE. I’ve had them and they make you want to yank your uterus out with a fishing rod and stretch it out on a torture rank - anywhere else, just NOT in your body! Sorry you are going through this…

    By Wendy on 2010 02 26

  8. Oh sweetie.  I understand your pain.  Right now mine is screaming like a mofo and produced a huge sign for everyone I know in the form of a zit the size of my head right next to my eye.

    Moo is in the process of getting diagnosed like her mummy.

    And yeah, the stroke thing.  I know first hand about that shit.

    Piece of shit ovary indeed.

    By Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo on 2010 02 26

  9. You are SOOOOO not alone!  And even better?  For me?  Now I had that g-damned uterine ablation for heavy bleeding and I can’t keep track of my popping ovaries!  GAH!  Sometimes…it really sucks to be a girl.

    By Carrie on 2010 02 26

  10. Yea, glucophage (metformin) Changed. My. Life.  Take it and let it get you back to sanity.  Just make sure you monitor your own blood sugars (my docs never bothered) because eventually, with right eating, which I know you’re working on, your body will heal itself.  I turned out to be taking way too much of it and was in danger of seizures.  But most docs won’t pay attention to your blood sugar since you’re technically not a diabetic.  Just a word of warning.  Now I’m on a correct dose and my crazy is minimal.  grin

    By Lora Lynn@vitafamiliae on 2010 02 26

  11. You. Have. My. Sympathies.

    I’ve always had painful periods and some painful ovulation. I get mid-cycle bleeding ALL THE TIME, and no one knows why (after much testing). In fact, my last two cycles? I got mini-periods around ovulation.

    I can deal with the pain of reconstructive foot surgery. But gnarly-ass period and ovu cramping? Make my life MISERABLE.

    If I didn’t want children so badly, I’d have scheduled a hysterectomy.

    By Sarah Who? on 2010 02 26

  12. PCOS is one of those “syndromes” that is diagnosed when they can’t come up with something else. There’s a word for that, but I can’t remember it right now. I “have” PCOS as well. The only reason I know is that I’m suffering from infertility and get wanded pretty often. I don’t have any of the typical outward symptoms, no hairiness, no acne, etc. The only sign I had was a hidden rash on the back of my neck. Sign of a hormone imbalance.

    I take metformin, as I have some insulin resistance issues. It has helped SO MUCH. First, I’m no longer super cranky when I haven’t eaten. And I ovulate like a regular person now. Of course, I still can’t get pregnant to save my life.

    By Lisa on 2010 02 26

  13. I have PCOS, it was undiagnosed until a little over a year ago, and part of my fertility issues.  Is your doctor giving you something for it?  I’m on Metformin for that/insulin resistance and it helps a lot for me.  I hope that you find a solution, there’s no reason for you to be in pain and suffering - as if ovulating the ‘normal’ way and experiencing the flow wasn’t bad enough?!

    By Rachael on 2010 02 26

  14. I’ve got it too. Can you go on the pill? It’s made a tremendous difference for me.
    I’ve also got to be really vigilant about diet and exercise, but through that I can pretty much beat the depression and weight issues. Good luck!!

    By Clair on 2010 02 27

  15. I have PCOS too… BCP used to help me until I found out I had Factor V Leiden which is a blood clotting disorder, there for can’t go on BCPs since that’s a side effect.  Soooo, I have the nasty ovulations and cramps too.  Infact, my right ovary feels like it’s ready to burst about now.  A cyst comes and goes on that ovary and I’m SO over it! 

    Thankfully I lost 30+ lbs and my cycles have become regular finally well at least under 35 days, which compared to my past history of maybe 3x/year, this is good!  Oh, but losing the weight was hard as hell too, but I did it, and it worked and… well, yeah. 

    PCOS can go straight to hell… twice.


    PS:  I still haven’t heard on our offer and if I don’t hear by tomorrow, I may lose it. *twitch* Either that or put vodka in a flask and carry it in my purse while at work.  Whatever works.

    By Krystle @snarkykisses on 2010 02 28

  16. Oh, and I’m blessed with anxiety, depression, hypoglycemia (read: passing out in bathrooms at work with pants around waist in the handicapped stall waking up face down in the corner with my nose smashed into the cold tile and someone knocking on the door asking if I was okay. NO I LIKE LAYING ON THE FLOOR FACE DOWN IN THE F.CKING HANDICAPPED STALL!).

    But yeah… I carry my glucose tablets, medicines for my anx/depression, and advil for my wimmins pains.  Tis fun!

    By Krystle @snarkykisses on 2010 02 28

  17. And, there have been many many a time when I’m happily strolling through Target shopping for pointless items that I don’t need when I had to drop whatever I’m doing and get grip of something while my innards tear themselves into pieces.  If I didn’t want kids, I’d get them there innards taken out.  But, considering I’d like to try to have some little rug rats, I have to continue the holyshitstopwalkingdoubleoverwanttoohmygodmakeitstoppain. 

    I’ll stop taking up your comment section now. Kthxbai!

    By Krystle @snarkykisses on 2010 02 28

  18. I love that nobody called me on the fact that I said, “Ass I lay on the floor in Yoga”

    I just found that.

    Edit much? No?

    I love you crazy hormonal bitches and your little eggs, too.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2010 03 02

  19. I was diagnosed with PCOS in October. It sucks. I hate it. And I hate that my body is shaped like an apple. I hate that I look pregnant when I’m not. I hate that I have a good diet and look like I never met a cookie I couldn’t say “no” to. I hate that I have insulin resistance along with it and that trying to stay fit and healthy is WAY more of a battle than it should be. I feel you. And the bubble wrap comment? Classic.

    By Lynn @ Walking With Scissors on 2010 03 03

  20. I have been kinda diagnosed with PCOS too, on the basis on wacky hormonal test results, but I’ve never suffered any of these symptoms. Mostly I don’t get periods at all. Certainly none of my ovaries have pitchforks though. I think. Should get that checked out though, because that could be bad.

    By TheGoriWife on 2010 03 04