Geeky Talks
Real Names vs Internet Names: A running commentary
There’s this phenomenon on the Internet. It’s called Google. Most people/employers/possible clients know how to use Google. Google is good. Google is bad. Google may be Big Brother.
Or, maybe, if we go all deep and philosophical, Google is really God. All knowing. All seeing. Telling your seventh grade boyfriend things you said about him and making your marriage an open book. Google is the bane of the medical world and the best friend of new moms with collicy babies.
In short, we all turn to Google at night to answer our requests. Am I wrong?
But with such knowledge at our fingertips (annoyingly so) it’s easy to “get caught” in the act. Or tarnish a reputation. Or ruin friendships/relationships/jobs.
So, when I got the name of a potential nanny, the first thing I did was type her name in to google and see what comes up in case she hasn’t read whoorl’s tip for nannys. I found nothing. Not a clue. Which, in a way, is a good thing. I think.
I’ve struggled with this for my own business, needing and being so public to market a skillset while simultaneously being enteraining about my husband’s junk and honest about the juggle of staying at home and working. I told myself, a year ago, when I got a job, I’d quit the blog.
I didn’t.
She did. And she might. And she talks about the benefits of going offline.
And it’s not that I am going to go anywhere. I just wonder about my Internet Identity and my Professional Identity and how they mesh with my Mom/Writer/Sarcastic “I make fun of my life and most of it is real.”
As “more and more blog writers out their real names, I wonder if I should as well. Or if I’m even fooling myself with thinking this is a safe place anymore anyway.
Most of you know me in real life. And you know a lot of what I say here is a character of my real life, not my real life itself.
Mostly.
And in case you were wondering?
This is us. Hi.
But you already knew that, didn’t you.
Apr, 15, 2008 Filed in: Write •Getting to know me •The Flinger Family •Mrs. Flinger Said So • Read the Archives 
Welcome!
15 guests here now.
Find Me
Popular Tags
Latest Tweets
-
@ben_pylo Thanks. I obviously need it. Overwhelmed much? Sigh.1 hour, 10 minutes ago
-
@CaptGeek I haven’t yet but I did look it over. Was going to start a project that utilized it. You?15 hours, 37 minutes ago
-
@ben_pylo Did so love this chat! I’m writing my API spec now. Loved hearing your opinions. :)17 hours, 34 minutes ago
Conference and Speaking Gigs
Writing Conferences
Comments
I only use my first name. But then I am a little leary of being all “found” by somefreakidatedincollege or something. Plus, you know since the in laws don’t read the blog, I wouldn’t very much want them to be able to google my name and see what I said today.
It works for some and it doesn’t work for others.
Whatevah you decide you will always be Mrs. Flinger to me!!
Once I stopped blogging and started communication with my blog friends via linkedin and facebook and email, I started using my real name. I still just use “The Aitch” for twitter and flickr just because they are different than facebook or linked in. But now that I don’t blog anymore, I feel less ashamed (less frightened too!) to let people know who I really am.
But yeah they all find out in the end anyway. By The way, my name is Andreah.
I use my real name. I never refer to myself by my married name, only my maiden name (which I write under), but I have referred to my husband and son both by their full names so anyone smarter than a box of rocks could figure it out.
I waited years before coming out with my real name. I know the lure of staying relatively anonymous. I felt like I had to come out when I wanted to get writing gigs, because potential hiring peeps wanted to know who I was. I’m hoping I don’t regret it!
I like that word Andreah used: ashamed. That’s exactly how I feel about blogging/twitter - sometimes even facebook (but that’s getting better), just the whole online world. I love it dearly, but I seriously believe my family and friends would look at me like I had 4 heads if I told them I have these friends I talk to online, and I sent Christmas cards to them, and I really think they are the coolest.
I sometimes use my real first name, sometimes I don’t. Some people know my last name, but most don’t. I have tried hard not to use the kids’ names just because, but slip up every once in a while. I am by no means an online personality, but I enjoy the “peek” into other people’s lives who are like me that I get with blogs. That’s something you just don’t get in “real life.”
No way. I have heard way to many bad Google stories to throw my real name out in the ring. Plus then the psycho kiddie stalkers can’t come and snatch my kids…hey now there is an idea!
I don’t put my “real” name on my blog but it is all out there on Facebook, but I figure I have to approve people on there so if people want to find me that I used to know, fine.
However, I agree about people being able to easily find stuff you wrote in ways you never imagined.
I had a college reunion this weekend and a guy who was a couple years older found the post I wrote about the couch with the marijuana plants growing out of it. I didn’t put any last names and in fact, the only person in the story is myself and a guy named Bob, of all things. So, you know, it was a little unsettling that this guy found that story on my blog, and then he was asking me about the events in the story because he had already graduated.
Interesting, and yet, kind of creepy….it made me think a little about the stuff I write and how I want to present things and being nervous about someone “undesirable” finding stuff.
As for you, once I figure out your address I’m sending you a lock of my hair and a letter about how I think of you every time I see mayonnaise or asparagus.
I have zero anonymity on the net, by personal choice. Largely for professional reasons, I have always used my real name, and am sgetgood just about everywhere—FB, Twitter, the other microblogs that I never use anymore etc.
That said, my son has a different last name than I do, although if you look only a little bit you could find both him and my husband even though I do not use their last name on my blogs. I also don’t blog too many details about my personal life, even on the personal blog. Trips, tv shows etc. but not too much biography (although that does seem to creep onto Twitter).
You have a different thing going on, your blog is personal. That said, as I’ve said before, I think you should “out” yourself, even if you use your pre-marriage name. Business clients will take you much more seriously as a name than as Mrs. Flinger. Tis the reality of life.
Awesome… look how cute Mr. Flinger is!
I’m sure as a blogger, this is a really difficult issue. I know that as a lowly READER and someone who POSTS on favorite blogs, I struggle with whether or not to use my family’s real names. Hubby freaks at the thought, so I usually refrain, but for you, it’s part of what you DO.
I definitely feel that in a few years it won’t matter if you WANT to be found on Google or not. Much like Big Brother, it will know ALL.
P.S. I’m just glad I know you - by ANY name!
We are SO in each other’s heads. I am currently re-focusing my online life. When I started the “mommy blog,” I only used my first name, my kids had pseudonyms, and I did not reveal my location any more specifically than “USA.” But as I move toward more professional aspirations, the mommy blogging thing is starting to rub me the wrong way. And with my kids getting older, it’s just not as much fun to talk about their “issues” anymore. It’s embarrassing - to me and to them.
My husband doesn’t want me to discuss him at all on the blog and often gets annoyed at what I share about myself and the kids. But he’s pretty good about it as long as I don’t share anything really personal.
I think ultimately I’ve decided that it’s just no longer my style to blog extensively about my personal life. I think we can all be “outed” if anyone wants to know about us badly enough. (I know several bloggers who think they are “anonymous” but you can find their name and address through a simple WHOIS search of their domain.)
So, yeah, I wrote a book here in your comments. I want my internet identity to be my professional identity. And for me that the mommy blogger identity is going to fade out.
I don’t try to keep my identity secret from my regular readers. Most of them know my name and where I live. I read their blogs. I know where they live. I keep my real name off my blog for the safety of my family and our privacy but also so people I know irl don’t google me. I would also prefer to keep any freaky stalker people from showing up on my doorstep someday. I checked myspace and facebook when hiring for my student worker positions though. Some of them were pretty out there.
Alli Fussy Fussypants IS my real name. What?
I used to try to be *somewhat* anonymous.
It did not work.
My name is Angella Dykstra, and I AM PROUD OF IT.
I was sort of outed when I started the Sk*rt thing and I’ve been thinking quite a bit about just using my real name on my blog lately, but well, I don’t know. Let people figure it out I guess.
And by the way, how cute are you two?!
I have always used my full name on my blog. I have no desire to put the energy into my blog that anonymity would require. I also believe in standing by what I write.
Sure, there is always a safety issue, but I really think if someone is hell bent on finding you they can and will.
I used to splay god knows what on my blog before I clued into the enormity of the internet. Now, I have learned some boundaries. I am fairly open on my blog compared to most, but it is now at a level I am comfortable with.
Honestly, if people are not ok with the 4% of the life that I put on my blog, there would be less than zero chance I would want to have them around anyway.
That said, I make zero judgment on how people handle this. It is such a personal preference.
you are purty…:)
oh, my name is out there, baby.
look at all of that cuteness!
I’ve always used our first names, and thought I tried to keep it at that, I’ve got my full name out there and it would be easy to link the two.
Very good post.
Blessings,
K
Very timely post, Mrs. F.
Pretty! I use my name online, but I don’t have a blog.
What a sweet picture.
You’ve got me googling myself now, and the results are not startling, although there are several of “us” on that first page. My real name has appeared on my blog in a photograph, and you’d figure me out if you Googled me. I’m not anonymous online, really…it hasn’t had any negative affect on me.
Don’t do it! Don’t do it!
Seriously, I only did it because I had to in order to write my newspaper column. My family was already in the public eye, so it wasn’t that great of a leap for me to “out” myself.
However, I wish all the time that I hadn’t had to do it. It really affects the topics I can write about, and there has been fallout from friends and family members. Trust me when I say that people react very strongly to being written about, even when you THOUGHT you were being funny, or you THOUGHT the portrayal was not unflattering. It’s just a pain. My own two cents. :D
I’ve been blogging at different places for going on 6 years now (gah!), and while I initially started going by a pseudonym, I quickly scrapped that and began using my real name. If someone really wants to know who you are, it’s easy enough to figure it out. I’ve also pretty much decided that if what I’m saying is something I don’t want to whole world to know I think? I shouldn’t be putting it out on the internet in the first place.
I’m also pretty open about giving out my blog link. The owner of my company has it, as well as most of my co-workers. All of my family can access it at any time, and anyone who is even a remote aquaintance and knows me from networking sites/etc., will be able to find a link.
Does that make me a blog whore? Woooo.
I’m so always on this topic. I constantly waver because I SO desire to figure out what is best for me and my family.
I think blogging is okay, it is just about the amount of time one can spend online doing so that becomes the problem. Some people treat it as a popularity contest and they’ve got to put in the womanhours to get there…but at what cost?
I think we just all need to be a bit more careful with our time online.
As for real names, my name had been out there enough (working for ParentDish and in interviews about the blog) that I honestly didn’t feel it was THAT much of a secret anymore, ya know?
Well, Christine is my real name. But it is so common it might as well be Girl Name, or Anonymous, or Hey You!
I read the Sugarpants links…like usual, I am clueless as to what/who is being beyotchy. I like it that way. I remember when she was going through that horrible time, and I can’t imagine enjoying reading about her experiences. I don’t like even remembering those posts, they were so raw and full of pain.
Anyway, I’ve spent all morning online. Time to go live my real life.
I only use first names, but I use the real first names. I started doing that back on day one when I was quite convinced no one in the world would ever read my blog. I kinda regret it now and again. But I don’t know how to rectify it so we live with it.
I was mostly anonymous, until I was “outed” when the in-laws found my blog. It was actually kind of a relief. It feels good to stand behind my blog. This is me. Take it or leave it.
My last name is still under wraps, my kid’s name is still under wraps but if someone really wanted to find me they could.
I also watch my mouth because I know everyone I know reads what I write.
I’ve always used our real first names on my blog. It wouldn’t take a lot of digging to find my last name, but the girls have their father’s last name, so that gives them a little more protection.
Using real names is tough sometimes, though. I have been found by family and friends, and the fallout was massive. Going back to change it all wouldn’t help, since Google and the Wayback machine have archived copies that anyone could search.