Geeky Talks
The Flinger Sex Logs, Stardate 275
Lemme get this straight. One egg. Per month. 24 hour window. Per month. If you have a long cycle (like yours truly) then we’re talking one chance per 50 days, roughly. And the time you THINK you’re ovulating, which you have no clue, the mister works until 1am every day. Bone tired. NO nookie. I’ve gone so far as to explain that all I need is man juice, no Big O. Don’t worry about me, I’ve said. Just YOU have fun. He, and I quote, said, “HHmmppphhhhhh” and proceeded to talk about bridges and steel plates and some other nobby thing I couldn’t exactly grasp.
It’s time to pull out all the stops.
Currently making a list of things I need to make the sex muffins (recipe below). I also went and purchased, for the first time ever, the KY warming jelly per my great comments in the post about how I never have sex, especially after fake tanner. I actually sought out a girl checker and buried the jelly under about ten cliff bars. I turned red as she scanned it, placed it oh so discretely in a plastic bag, a white, mostly CLEAR plastic bag, and handed it to the 14 year old bag boy to place in the cart. Hi, I wanted to say, I have a toddler. And no natural lubrication. Nice to meet you.
Remember that time R*belle and I made up that sex challenge? And remember how Mr. Flinger and I failed miserably at it? Having sex every day for a week? Really? Well, I’m pretty sure this baby ain’t happening any time soon. Unless by an act of God. Which is what it’ll take. You want to know the real irony? Mr. Flinger was begging me in High School to put out. I was all, “no no, must wait until we’re married.”
Damn. Karma really is a bitch. Now I’m the one begging and he’s saying, “Don’t we have to pay bills and stuff? And not when the kid is still awake.” Isn’t that what Elmo is for? Sheesus.
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OK…I had to go read the sex challenge post because that was PB (pre-blog) days for me. You ladies sure are CWAZY!
If the hubby and I had sex for 8 days in a row I think the Earth might fling itself off its axis or something crazy. We’re lucky if we do it twice a week.
My parents are visiting for the week and our house is not all that sound proof. My husband just whispered seductively into my ear, “If you log off and come to bed, we can watch Rockstar Supernova before bed.”
“Ooooooh, shall I bring my headphones?” I whispered back, kissing him on the cheek.
“Yeah, I’ll bring the splitter.”
Ummmm… It’s a good thing we are already pregnant!
oh good Lord, I can’t believe my wife is discussing our love life online… on someone else’s blog no less. She tends to imply that there was no fooling around this evening… which is true (since we’re about to watch Rockstar) but she fails to mention the afternoon’s lunch break activities….
ROFL. Les and Laura. My word, y’all have me busting a gut. (How very 1973 saying of me) And, btw, I said things about KY Jelly on my blog. Hi! Nice to see you again! :: blushing ::
Too funny. Didn’t know sex muffins existed. I have heard of many other types of muffins :hum hum: but that is a first.
Warming KY, quite nice I will say. Good luck, there is hope of conception. Beyond immaculate conception that is.
I personally think Astroglide is sooo much better. Not sticky like KY. My husband does something similiar, only it’s “No honey, not tonight, you’re ovulating and we are so not risking it.” Um, since when does he know my body better then ME? (And he was right, just like he was last month and the month before. You would think he was the one with the cycles.)
You have to tell us how the sex muffins work!
Sex muffins? really lol too funny. They sound good though. Have you just pushed mr flinger down and had your way with him? Works here
Too funny. And Laura and Les are killing me.
Ha! I love it. Also? Elmo was made for sex.
I’m not a fan of the KY warming jelly. It kept getting hotter and hotter(er…not in a good way) and I was so concerned that I was having some sort of chemical reaction that I totally couldn’t think of Johnny Dep…I mean…my husband.
So what exactly do the sex muffins do? I’m very curious about this…I suppose it’s the ginseng that does the trick. But if that works, couldn’t you just pop some capsules in his morning OJ? Seeing as how your oven overheats and all….
really? only a 24 hour window? i thought there was at least 2-3 days. sheesh! all that birth control and teen-angst for nuthin.’
hope you get your fertlization on soon, mrs flinger.
joy
(one of your newfound stalkers thanks to amalah;-))
How about Mr.Flinger call in sick the day you ovulate and you can nurse him back to health!!!!!
ok, the ky warming spray is much better than the jelly. less messy. but. it tastes bad. good bye and good luck.
As you know, I analyze all things TCC related in hopes for my own success someday and I have one supposed factoid for you. Most lubricants kill sperm. (good for birth control, bad for TTC) EXCEPT this stuff called Pre-seed (recommended in the Taking Control of your Fertility book). I get my supply online (and no embarrassing checkout experience!) Wishing you much TTC luck.
You might want to check out goodvibes.com They have quite the selection of lubes and what not, great email customer service (they can tell you which lubes work best and which don’t kill the sperm), and deliver items in nice, discrete packaging.
Could you take advantage of some morning stealth action? Maybe jumping him before he’s fully awake?
That 24-36 hour window is such a damn sticky wicket. It takes sperm a while to get up to the egg so, you actually have to have had the sex a day or two before you actually ovulate but then, if you’re not totally predictable, knowing when those 2-3 days prior is such a guessing game. Are you charting? It seems like it would appeal to the logical, scientific side of your hubby.
Well, you spelled my name wrong, but I wont hold it aginst you, happens all the time. Since they have all those well known aphrodisiacs in them, chocolate, ginseng and all that, it just gets ya in the mood. I would suggest giving them to him the first time without telling him what they are, just to see if he comes running to jump you 30 to an hour after eating them.
Sarah’s right… time to take matters into your own hands… so to speak
And the egg may be out for only that long, but the swimmers can live for up to 5 days… so get some in there early.
Astroglide gets my vote.
Calibelle beat me to it, but I must reiterate that the little swimmers can’t swim well thru KY. I order PreSeed online, too. It is amazingly similar to natural lube.
And Sara of the sex muffins, I think Sara is truly the “correct” spelling of the name!
ooh, and I also wanted to ask… does anybody else get the (quite unwelcome) urge to pee after a while with the warming KY?
That little lagniappe proved to be a real turn-off for me.
Ok, what makes them sex muffins. I am allergic to ginger, which if that’s what makes them sex muffins, I’m (not) screwed because, swelling and choking and eyes tearing and stuff NOT SEXY
Don’t use the KY! It can hinder the boys on their mission!
Never used the KY warming stuff, however I had the unfortunate experience of fooling around with a boyfriend after he made chili for dinner….while he washed his hands after cooking, there must have been some jalepeno hot stuff still on his hands. I was VERY uncomfortable for the rest of the night.
OMG.. Sara, I’m cracking up. Sorry for your misfortune but what a great story.
And thanks for the shout, y’all. NO KY for me. ‘k. Gotit. But Callibelle, I’ll go check out that site for some TTC friendly stuff. I really had no idea.
See? I SWEAR I failed sex ed. Good lord.
Ah, TTC and the other assorted acronyms that always made my head spin. They’re all a biatch, and I wish you luck. Loved your sexeveryday post—hilarious!
We have that K-Y warming gel and I don’t think it gets as warm as you think it will but it helps out. Good luck and send some our way too! Luck that is, not the jelly!