The Standoff

07/Feb/2012

It’s not unusual to hear a “mommy blogger” talk about the inevitable morning from hell. In fact, I’m pretty sure both of you reading this could tell me you’ve experience this exact same morning. The difference? It happened to me. And this is how things shook down:

The 4 year old is in a particular nasty phase. It’s the morph between preschooler and “real boy” that mimics pre-pubecense with pee accidents. It’s a confusing time for everyone involved. This particular morning, the Boy couldn’t get a grip. He woke with a nasty case of being four. He sat, emphatically, at the table and stated: “I will not eat this cereal.” Now, in case there are any four year old’s reading this post let me explain a small known fact among all parents. The minute you state you WILL NOT EAT THIS CEREAL means you absolutely WILL NOT GET ANYTHING ELSE. Eat or don’t eat, we don’t really care. But that cereal? It’s all your gettin’.

When I tried to inform the Boy about this fact, he went in to hysterics. “I WILL NOT EAT THIS! I DO NOT WANT THIS! IIII   HHHAAAATTTEEE PANDAAAAA PUFFFFFFFFS!!!!!” Logic doesn’t work on a four year old. It doesn’t matter he was the one that asked for the Panda Puffs in the first place. It doesn’t matter that he wanted to purchase them for six weeks until I finally caved. No, logic and four year olds, as yoda says, do not.

I calmly tell my son he can throw this fit in his room. When he refuses to move, I offer to do the heavy lifting for him. AKA: I pick him up and put him in the room and close the door. At this point sirens in china erupt from sound pollution coming directly from my four year old’s mouth. The Boy, he went mental. Screaming, begging to come out, yelling that he needs a tissue. The list goes on and the time slowed. Ten minutes later, he continued with his fit.

Around minute 18 my daughter turns to me and says, “Mom? That’s really annoying. I can see why you don’t like it when I do that.”

At minute 22, it gets quiet. The door cracks a budge and a small boy, my small boy, creeps out. “Mom?” he shyly approaches me, “I’m sorry.”

Twenty-two minutes of absolute utter chaos, hell, yelling, and testing. Twenty-two minutes of neighbors hating us, of passer-bys judging, of new gray hairs. Twenty-two minutes to prove a point that I hope he understands twenty-two years from now.

And, for the record? He did eat the Panda Puffs. Every soggy last bite.

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Comments

  1. Oh, man… you have gone pro. I’m on kid three and I would still have a hard time making through all 22 minutes.

    By Amy @ Bitchin' Wives Club on 2012 02 07

  2. I hate Panda Puffs too. grin

    By Michelle M on 2012 02 07

  3. My son threw the biggest tantrum today that I have EVER seen.  It was insane.  Luckily my husband was the one who had to make it through the 30 minutes with ours - I don’t’ think I could have handled it at the end of the day.

    By Rachael1013 on 2012 02 07

  4. All two of us, ha.  You have to know you are a rock star, because you won!  Dr. Phil says it is best to not get into a battle of wills with your child, but if you do, you have to win every time.  Hopefully next time it will only take 18 minutes…and fewer gray hairs.

    By Allyson/HBMomof2 on 2012 02 08

  5. I.Love.You.

    By Liz Thompson on 2012 02 08

  6. I know I wasn’t one of the “both of you” as I’m number six or so and throw in the fact that I’m not a “mommy blogger” & what not but, I do appreciate this article just the same!

    By Natetronn on 2012 02 08

  7. High Five for PPP technique. *Perfect Patient Parenting

    By omaflinger on 2012 02 08

  8. Good job Mom! It’s so nice to hear the successful outcomes of Standoffs. (Since we all know, it doesn’t always go that way… sigh.)

    By Sarahgrace on 2012 02 09

  9. Well done. You got off easy. My dude’s average was about 45-60 minutes. Fortunately he’s outgrown them…most of the time.

    By Nancysyzdek on 2012 02 09

  10. Yes. I feel your pain. I do. I truly do.

    By The Laundress on 2012 02 13

  11. I had the same experience when my first boy at the age of 3. I can not stop his
    tantrum for 3 hours. i think this age is really hard to handle the toodler.

    By Becca on 2012 02 13

  12. Oh my. Yesterday was the same morning for us. Every.Single.Thing. was wrong and required a drawn-out explosion of hysterics. I’m so glad to know we’re not the only ones dealing with this.

    By Laura Lou on 2012 02 22

  13. Nate, feel free to bookmark this for amusement when you’re in the middle of it. :: misery loves company fist bump ::

    By Leslie Flinger on 2012 02 26

  14. Back at ya, babe. x

    By Leslie Flinger on 2012 02 26

  15. “Gone pro” .. HA! Only if the kid pays me…

    By Leslie Flinger on 2012 02 26

  16. Michelle, I didn’t want to say anything but I can’t stand ‘em.

    By Leslie Flinger on 2012 02 26

  17. It’s a well known fact that the threes are harder than the “Terrible” twos. It’s the world’s oldest joke. (Aside from Santa)

    By Leslie Flinger on 2012 02 26