Geeky Talks
Time to reflect on “why the hell would I do that again?”
LB isn’t sleeping well tonight. This is a relative sentence as she is a pretty good sleeper for the most part. When she was new, I swore she was doing herself no favors for a sibling because the child didn’t like naps, didn’t like sleeping period. I was dizzy from sleep deprivation and going more than a little nuts. I thought of pulling my ovaries out myself to prevent some freakish “ooops” accident (which I realize can’t happen unless you actually have sex so in reality, there was little worry. Little sleep also does nothing for the libido).
As I was saying, she isn’t sleeping well. She’s been up a few times, if only for a few minutes, but it’s just enough that I can’t go back to sleep. I have this “once I’m up, I’m up” thing going. I was like this when she was little. I could never go back to sleep if I knew she’d be up soon anyway. Or if I actually got my white pasty ass out of bed. My ass has an affinity for bed but once it’s up, it’s up.
This is how I came to be blogging at 3AM today. After I got LB comfortable again, I came downstairs to “relax” and have some down time. An hour and a half later I’m thinking horror stories of how tired I am going to be tomorrow and how this is just the smallest taste of having a newborn. It’s like this but only worse, people. Remember? Neither did I. Until this morning.
In a way, I’m glad to have the archives from my daughter’s infancy. I’m glad I can look back in those first three months and see that she was tiny, she had no neck control and she drooled. A lot. But on the other hand, I think it might be the best “er.. I’m good” medicine ever. Because if I read one more entry about how many times I got up each night and stayed up and slept an hour a day? There might be no number 2.
I should just stop reading and go to bed. If we’re ever going to try again, that’s my only hope. Blissful ignorance. Mother Nature was brilliant with that mommy-amnesia. Let’s not ruin that.
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Awwww girly. HUGS. Maybe you are “thinking too much.” I know I do that a LOT.
This falls under that category where you take one look at your newborn child, still covered in birthing goo, screaming their little tiny head off, and the previous 2 or 6 or 20 hours of labor hell is suddenly forgotten. I think a great portion of motherhood is about amnesia. I remember the bad stuff but only if part of it was kind of funny too….only the good things have stayed in a permanent place in my memories.
You do it again cause at the end of the very long sleepless day there is one moment that tends to speak the truth of “this is why I do this.”
In the wee hours of the morning when the Oprah reruns are busy flickering on the TV, you have your baby up on your shoulder. Her little soft head is nuzzled into your check and her soft breath keeps whispering her baby secrets to you. And you sit there sleepless and tired but completely fulfilled cause of this sweet creature who is still younger than the milk you bought last week but is still the whole world to you.
Truth? You will always ask “why am I doing this,” only once it happens you will ask “what was I thinking!?” Don’t worry about the qustioning…it’s completly normal! (at least *I* hope so, haha)
Get some sleep and everything will be better. When I am sleep deprived I don’t think clearly. One time I was making a bottle for MaryGrace when she was a newborn. I swore a mouse ran across my kitchen. It wasn’t it was a lid that fell. I handed Gracie to my husband and took a nap.
Mommy-amnesia… yup. Thank goodness.
Yeesh. Makes my sleep deprivation look like the whinings of a wuss. Which it basically is.
May I just confirm that mom-amnesia thing. We are having our 4th. Yes. We are very blessed. And I’m very happy. In theory. Because that amnesia has caused me only to remember that I was ill the first trimester. Not exactly how horribly gut wrenching the nausea was. Which it is. It truly is the kind of thing you have to forget to attempt again.
Alas, what we must endure for what we want.