Welcome to 2006: The year I get my ass back and lose it again

01/Jan/2006

If you have resolutions, good for you. I’m not a “resolution” kind of a girl because I’ll pretty much forget what I wanted to accomplish by.. oh, say 10:30 on January First. (read: Resolution #232: Go to bed at 9pm and get up early to work out. Shit. It’s 10:31pm on day #1. Effit.)

I do, however, have goals. I have plans. I have lists. I have bins! And tubs! And more fabric storage boxes!

And, since I really should be in bed right now preparing to lose those last fifteen baby pounds so that I can get knocked up again and gain it all back in six months, I’ll share with you a brief list of the new “Mrs. Flinger goes all 2006”:

  • Have more sex. This is a prelude, of course, to the conceiving of number 2 which is also another goal of this year.
  • Start taking some major narcotic or smoking some very expensive drug. (Will be useful for dealing with why-the-hell-did-we-decide-to-procreate-AGAIN.)
  • Shave my legs at least once a week. Also helps achieve goals 1 and 2
  • Keep my eyebrows plucked. Damn, nobody told me that once you got them waxed, you’d have major upkeep. It’s the grow-out that scares me. When I have to brush aside my eyebrow hair to put in my contacts, I know it’s time to spend thirty minutes staring at myself in the mirror with a small, sharp object poised near my cornea.
  • Follow through on silencing the inner bitch. I really think bullet number 1 will also accomplish this. If not, see bullet number 2.
  • And last, but not fifteen pounds less (yet), fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothing so I can get all fat and pregnant again this summer.

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Comments

  1. Glad to know that I didn’t scare the shit out of you with my post about having two kids. 

    Oh, and getting back into those pre-pregnancy jeans….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! It’ll never happen. (Gee, maybe I should silence my outer bitch and shut up!) smile

    There is a little joke, (you might have read it a time or two)

    With your first pregnancy, you can not wait to get our of your regular clothes and into maternity clothes.

    With your second pregnancy, you stay as long as possible in your regular clothes before going into maternity clothes.

    With your third pregnancy, your regular clothes are your maternity clothes.

    smile

    By ^starshine on 2006 01 01

  2. LMAO Starshine! I still sleep in my maternity shirts (even though they are huge since by a act of God I am less then I was before #3). Love them!

    I have many same resolutions or “I will try” - but not on my honor. Maybe I should post that sometime huh?

    Happy New YEAR! (and could ya hurry on #2 (after March, of course)? Someone else needs to satisfy my baby need!

    By Nicole on 2006 01 01

  3. I like your list. Very manageable… except maybe silencing your inner bitch. That’ll take dedication. Good luck with the bins and tubs! I’m heading out today to stock up! Woohoo!

    By Paige (CoraBelle) on 2006 01 02

  4. Good list of goal! Hopefully, you’ll accomplish all of them. I’m hoping for number two this year too! But starshine has sort of scared me. Well, once I’ll think about cons after I get pregnant and it’s too late to turn back.

    By denise on 2006 01 02

  5. I’m not a resolution gal, either!  Too many years of coming up with lists that I never do anything about has taught me THAT much! 

    Good luck on your list, it sounds very realistic if you keep at it!

    By Holly on 2006 01 02

  6. #2 - Doesn’t Starbucks count?  Technically it could be a very expensive drug…  wink  On the bad days with ds when I’m too much belly to chase him down we go to Starbucks for a hot chocolate so mommy doesn’t have a complete meltdown.

    #6 - Unless you have air conditioning *everywhere* (or are just a better/stronger person than me), don’t be 5+ months pregnant throughout the summer.  Ask me how I know…

    By lanna on 2006 01 02

  7. Great list Leslie!  I wish I were a youngin like you so’s I could be planning on a second bambino. I’ll live vicariously through you!!!  Come on… get pregnant already!  wink

    By Marie on 2006 01 02

  8. Great goals!  May join you in the quest to conceive #2 in ‘06…but not yet!

    By Amy_M on 2006 01 02

  9. I like the list Les. 

    Hopefully the excessive amounts of sex will bear a #2 for both of us this year.  (can sex be excessive?  Nah!)

    The narcotic?  You already have it!  White chocolate Americano topped with soy.

    Shave your legs? Plucking eyebrows? Let the hippie side reign. 

    I think I need to get my list up and running.  It is easy to mull it over in my head, but once you really get it out there, you make it official.  Way to go.

    By traci on 2006 01 02

  10. WOOHOO fo NOT making resolutions!  I’m not making them either.  I have goals, too, don’t get me wrong… but I’m not motivated to do ANYTHING today.  So I’ll have to tell you them later!  smile  ha ha ha

    By Water Girl on 2006 01 03

  11. Oh, Starshine, I never commented back on this, but I told your joke to Mr. Flinger and he spit out water (he was brushing his teeth)

    it was cute. Uh. And it hit home a little too much. grin

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2006 01 04

  12. Here is the full “joke”...

    Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
    1) Your Clothes
    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

    2) Preparing for the Birth
    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

    3) The Nursery
    1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
    3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

    4) Worries
    1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
    2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your first born.
    3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

    5) Pacifier
    1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
    2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
    3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

    6) Diapering
    1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
    2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
    3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

    7) Activities
    1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
    2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
    3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

    8) Going Out
    1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
    2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
    3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

    9) At Home
    1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
    2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
    3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

    10) Swallowing Coins
    1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
    2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
    3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

    By ^starshine on 2006 01 04

  13. OMG… dh and I went straight to half the ‘baby #2/#3’ things with ds (our first).  Now I kinda feel bad for the second one.

    By lanna on 2006 01 04