Wow. You just described my experience perfectly.
I sat up one night sobbing my way through a roll of toilet paper in those early days with kiddo No. 1.
My maternity leave with the second was so much better.
Sometimes I feel guilty about that though—that I was so much more relaxed with baby No. 2. Like maybe my first was short-changed because her mother was too busy freaking out or drifting through the house in a nursing gown, weeping.