Dec 01, 2009
I’m inspired by the number of people willing to open up about their Most Embarassing Story. I’m inspired by reading people who are willing to be critiqued and by the people who joined. Really, I’m thrilled that so many of you want to pursue more. Reach out. Reach deeper. Grasp. Write.
If you know me, you know I have an entire portion of my website dedicated to my most embarrassing moments. There’s the time I showed my nipples to the movie theater. The time I flipped off my chair in front of a cute guy. The time my daughter yelled “POOOOOP” at the cute starbucks guy. The time(s) I spazzed out at Blissdom, BlogHer08 and! BlogHer09. There’s the time I titled a post, “Maybe I should just start wearing lycra and get it over with” because honestly. These archives are full of embarrassing moments I’ve shared over the years with you and still, you are here. I love you for it.
However, when asked to think of my MOST embarrassing moment? I immediately go to a time in life filled with truly, horrifically, mortifying moments. Even as an awkward tween in Jr. High, there’s the one that stands out more than any others.
I’m twelve. Seventh Grade. Awkward. Unsure, Insecure. I’m walking down the hall after making a quick bathroom stop where I was afraid people in the next stall heard me tear the wrapper off my pad and know I’m on my period. The bathroom is an echo chamber. “RIPPP.” The sound of crinkling plastic, the clank of the disposal bin. I’m sure the entire school, by now, is aware I’m bleeding. All these things run through my head as I’m walking down the hall.
I notice people giggling. The short kid from second period points and jabs his annoying pizza-face friend. One of the 6th graders mouth something to me. Then I hear it, the song my best friend’s youngest sister sings, belting out from the doorway, “I SEE YOUR HINEY NICE AND SHINEY BETTER HIDE IT BEFORE I BITE IT.” It’s Mercy, my best friend, yelling down the hall to me. A teacher steps out from the classroom and pulls me aside, “Honey,” she says with the sympathy of a thousand Jr High years, “Your skirt is tucked in to your panties.”
The floor did not open and swallow me whole like I’d hoped. The moment did not last six years like it felt. But my face turned shades of crimson as the sound of giggles ran through until the bell rang.
Finally I find my way to class, slip in to my seat, and open my book without making eye contact with a soul. Years later I would find out that moment is not only something I remember in clear detail but that others recall it just as clearly.
My ass is sort of a history event at Friendswood Jr High. Just ask anyone there in 1987.
Or rather, don’t.
Other people participating with awesome stories include
That photo is in 1988 in which I learned to never wear skirts again. Ever. AGAIN. And also when I’m too cool to have a photo taken.
Gah! Did we ALL have a clothing-tucked-into-undergarments moment of mortification in high school?!? D: My inner 13-year old who flashed the school at a prom would like to give your inner 12-year old a hug.
By Chibi Jeebs on 2009 12 01
Classic. Love the song, too. I guess there are worse things to be remembered for, right?
By Nancy on 2009 12 01
Oh god! The best part? The teacher “with the sympathy of a thousand jr high years.”
The more of these I read, the more horrible things I remember from my youth and can’t believe that I told a lame-o story about a DOG BITE!
By Carrie on 2009 12 01
Oh boy! I don’t think there’s a girl alive and who has worn skirts that this hasn’t happened to at some age!
But the whole period thing? Yeah, that brings back an embarrassing moment in 5th grade . . .
The teacher - who happened to be a man - wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and my pad leaked through my jeans and onto my chair. You can imagine the rest, I’m sure.
By Annie Anderson on 2009 12 01
I cannot believe we have the same story. CANNOT.
By Aimee Greeblemonkey on 2009 12 01
oh my stomach is churning remembering the general horror of junior high… I am cringing on your behalf!
By Tarasview on 2009 12 01
I went to a private school that included first through twelfth grades. When I was in 7th grade, I slipped & fell on my butt while wearing a dress. A guy who was a senior (dear God, why did it have to be a senior?) saw it & yelled, “I SAW YOUR PANTIES!!!” loud enough for the entire school to hear. I wanted. to. die.
So, yeah. We’ve all been there, hon.
By cindy w on 2009 12 01
Why, oh why, are the bathrooms in schools echo chambers when you want to be perfectly silent. But if the bully has you in one tormenting you, well, no one else can hear a sound.
By Summer on 2009 12 01
My runner-up story was about this fabulous pair of slate blue, wide-whaled corduroy (for the love of god, how do you spell corduroy?) pants that zipped in the back. I was in the 5th grade. And thought I looked really, really cool in them. I probably don’t need to say any more. Except to emphasize they zipped in the back.
By Brigid on 2009 12 01
that linky-doo-jobby isn’t working for me, but i’ll try again later.
you have junior high bangs. heh.
By mommymae on 2009 12 01
oh that would have sucked. so big.
i was embarrassed for you. and that never happened to me. when my skirt from the store units was tucked into my leggings upon exiting a bathroom at a crowded nightclub in windsor. yeah. nope not me.
By melissa on 2009 12 02
LMAO. Oh my hell! You poor thing! I can only imagine how embarrassing! And middle school kids are brutal, aren’t they??
By Left of Lost on 2009 12 03
The same story happened to me when I was in sixth grade. Luckily, one of my best friends pulled me aside and told me before we went out from washroom.
You are not alone girl. ROFL.
By Ruth of fat loss for idiots on 2009 12 03
At least you didn’t bleed on the skirt while it was tucked. I was really afraid that was where this story was going. Whew!
By Misty on 2009 12 04
(So I actually posted this comment in another blog, so clearly I need some kind of plan for posting comments. I’m thinking flow charts and venn diagrams…)
This reminds me of something that happened to a doctor that works in the same office as my mom.
She (the other doctor, not my mom) is a real be-yotch.
She went to the toilet one day, and came back, just like you, with her skirt in her panties. And she’s a grown woman!
My mom and her nurse saw her but were too embarrassed to say anything, so they didn’t. That wasn’t very nice of them, I must say…
But imagine what went through her head when she realized she’s been showing her ass to 10 of her patients while she was coming back from the ladies room.
By Alexandra on 2009 12 05
I thought maybe I should make you feel better and since I don’t have a blog, oh dear god, here goes. Let me start by saying that my boyfriend at the time (now my husband, which makes it worse somehow) was REALLY REALLY good at sex, I mean GOOD. And as I had never been with someone who could make me orgasm even once, imagine my suprise the third time we had sex EVER, that I had a multiple orgasm and during that wonderful curl my toes and clench EVERY muscle in my body moment I FARTED. YES, you read that right, I F A R T E D, with my legs over his shoulders, in the MIDDLE of sex. Luckily he laughed, and good thing he did because it has happened more than once since then. BUT I SWEAR IT’S HIS FAULT, I don’t know how but that is what keeps our sex life going, that and his sense of humor since it’s the only time I fart around him.
By DeAnn G. on 2009 12 06