About a month ago I found a little mass on my right leg right next to my girlie bits. I thought maybe it was an ingrown hair. It was small. Harmless. And right Down There where I’m never going to see it, and let’s face it, probably nobody else would, either.
A few weeks ago it had grown and I thought maybe it was a boil? Or a zit? Or something very very unattractive down there between my right leg and my girlie bits.
Today I realized it’s grown in to a large, hard mass. A large mass right there on my leg by my girlie bits.
You know me, right? The hypochondriac dramatic freak who was pretty sure she was giving birth to a three headed baby because she ate (GASP) SOFT CHEESE. She, who also was completely convinced the baby would be born blind because she had to take three rounds of anti-biotics during pregnancy and she who was convinced her child was going to die from a three day fever.
You’d also be happy to know I’ve gone on a drama diet. That’s right. Less Drama! More Life! It’s been very lovely, somewhat boring, very mediocre and tame few months. Dare I say Quiet? Not in the “I have nothing to do” but in the “Bygod the world is not collapsing right this minute.” I’ve even maintained this throughout the economy crash and the presidential debates, although it’s been somewhat difficult at times.
So here I am not using google to diagnose myself. BEHOLD the strength of Not Googling. Be impressed. Oohhh you are impressed (I can tell).
I know it’s no big deal. It’s not. I know. My best friend had a cyst removed from her arm just last week. It’s no big deal. Nope. It’s not.
But I’m still a little scared. Mostly because if I don’t get this taken care of sooner than later, I’m afraid of what I’ll find in another few weeks the next time I look Down There. I can see it now: The Mass That Grew In To What Looks A Lot Like One Testicle! Come One! Come All! The Girlie Freak With The One Ball!
Then try to convince my husband to have sex with me.
I don’t think there’s enough alcohol in the world for that one.
Photo taken by Michelle during the Leisure Olympics
**Oh, what’s that? You want picture evidence from the Leisure Olympics? Fine. Fine. Yes. I’ll post them. Twist my arm.
***Are you sure? It’s just a bunch of pictures of my friends and I drunk and in awkward poses attempting sports in our early to mid thirties.
***You’re right. It’s hilarious.
It’s been a long time dream of Mr. Flinger’s to hold a “Leisure Olympics”. Today that dream comes true.
A Few Good Friends of ours will be competing in what will become a national, nay, a world-wide phenomenon. That’s right. Hold on to yer britches (that’s with an ‘R’, people) because today marks the first annual LEISURE OLYMPICS 2008!
:: the crowd goes wild :: much clapping :: much cheering :: possibly some fireworks except only the lame little legal kinds so like a sparkler or two lights up ::
:: Athletes come marching in wearing matching colors in teams. Children are seen running amok in the background. It’s the most anticipated event of our lives. .. ok.. or maybe like since two weeks ago when we decided to do this. Either way IT WILL BE HUGE ::
Can’t compete? Don’t feel left out: For Rules and Regulations, please follow along below. For pictures, please come back tomorrow. For a tweet-by-tweet account, please follow here starting at 4:30pm PST.
In the mean time, I’ll be warming up and stretching for the beer relay and obstacle course which is sure to kick my arse.
10 guests here now.