It’s 2:45AM. I’ve been asleep for two hours. I hear the familiar call from a tiny man, “Mommy! Mommy!’ I’m in his room before I open my eyes.
I get him milk, his Thomas Trains and put him back to bed.
It’s 6:00 AM and I hear the familiar call from a tiny man, “Mommy! Mommy!” I’m in his room before I open my eyes.
I pick him up hoping to give his sister a few more minutes of sleep. He asks for milk. I turn to get him some.
He starts screaming.
It’s 7:00 AM and he’s still screaming.
Finally, having had enough of this, I coax him in to eating a banana and watching LIttle Einstines so I can get the family ready to go.
It’s 7:45 AM and the family is ready to leave.... Read more
I was thinking about rebelling. Not in a present tense, but rather in a pattern-of-maturity. A “hindsight” if you will. “Enlightened Rebellion” even.
I realized my husband and I were together in High School when most people go through their rebellion. Our friends may have skipped class or chugged beer or started smoking but we were both first-borns too busy pleasing teachers and parents and each other. We were fairly straight laced aside from a few back-seat make-out sessions. We were home on time, we never did drugs and we never got pregnant. We stayed out of trouble and stayed in school.
I tend to say yes a lot. This is great for my husband, kids and my clients and horrid for my knees and my canker sores. I say yes before reading the small print. I say yes before asking a ton of questions. I just, you know, like to say yes.
“You want to move to Seattle?” “YES!”
“You think we should by a townhouse that will depreciate in value for the first time in a market since 1984?” “YES!”
“You wanna walk a half marathon with me?” “YES!”
This... Read more
Similar to how dogs smell fear, my youngest child smells ambition. I had a plan, an actual true productive plan, for today. There are massive deadlines hanging over my head, there are bills and invoicing to do, and the regular life maintenance and goals I set daily to work out and eat well. I had it all worked out and it even included swimming in my heart-rate zone for 30 minutes and taking the oldest on time to go to her school field trip.
I had a plan.
As happens every single fucking time I have a plan, my son woke up at 3:30AM and literally yelled this half awake sleep scream for 45 minutes. He sat in my bed staring at me.
AHHHHH. WAAAHHHHHHHH. :: hiccup :: WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!
At 4:54 when I finally put him back in to bed I... Read more
I have, what is commonly referred to as, “children who are too smart for their own good.” AKA: Gin and Tonic. Or, rather, GIfted and Talented. (Anyone else automatically have visions of limey goodness with the accronym GnT?)
My children have both been very successful academically. That is to say, they have ROCKED the preschool scene over and over. Colors? They got’em! Letter? All 26! Numbers? Counting to 12! Conceptually adding and subtracting before age four!
Shitting themselves?... Read more
Thank you. For wrestling. For Running. For working. For being there.
First Meeting LB
First Meeting Baby O
You’re my Man, You’re D’Bomb
You’re The Dad, and I’m the Mom
Together we make beautiful kids
You always close the toilet lids.
You play dressup with our girl
You’re happy to give her a whirl
Our son fouls when you play ball
You don’t seem to mind at all
I’ve decided I’m the authority on what’s wrong with children today. Ready? Here’s my theory.
They are entitled little shits.
So, that’s the short version. The long version is a consequence of something like this:
My son is two. Two is THE MAGICAL AGE OF WONDERMENT. Aka: “NO NO MINE MINE MINE I DO IT” etc. And we all know that if you are not your child’s authority by the time they are two, they will have the authority and rule the family. No, it’s true. I saw it on Super Nanny.
These are the thoughts running through my head yesterday as my son threw his usual,... Read more
After losing a friend recently to Breast Cancer, there is a flame under my ass to get healthy like it has never burned before. Those of us left behind are staring in to her pictures shaking our heads unsure how this could happen. We look at our lives and our children and it’s not too far to put yourself there, in her place, just hours after a diagnosis of breast cancer, kissing her family good-bye.
I still get a little choked up (read: bawl) when I think about that image. I don’t want anyone else to have that story. I don’t want another child to lose their mother or another friend to leave too soon. Ladies? I’m here to share with you five tips for preventing breast cancer, some you have heard and others you have not and while I’m talking let’s... Read more
We have a.. how do we say this? ... “tight” community. Or “compact” if you’re a car salesman. Or “bumfucking close” if you’re us.
Whatever, people are everywhere always up in other people’s grills here.
Last night our neighbors had a tiny party. (Nice people, really, smoking Christians with a cute little white fully dog that always wave high and say “how are you” before jumping in their car and doing what people without kids do: LEAVE HOME.) It so happens that this particular two weeks has been warm enough to open our windows which is helpful for hearing every conversation from a three mile stretch. You’d be amazed at what you hear. (As a side, there is always this ONE LADY yelling at her kids... Read more