My children were playing “little fucker” at Home Depot?
Now, look, before you get all judgy, let me just preface this with a post I wrote two years ago to prove I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. Ok? I had a plan. I had a theory. That theory sucked.
In retrospect, the “time and a place” mantra could work. Teaching your children that anyone can say anything as long as it is the appropriate time and place is rather discerning. I don’t want to shield my children from the world but would rather teach them how to navigate the gray areas of society including cussing, standing up for oneself and when an appropriate toilet joke is funny.
I... Read more
We’ve practiced this routine for years. Perhaps not exactly as performed, but we’ve spent years slowing building to this precipice. I know my partner is standing on the platform. I know my pole awaits. I am as prepared as I’ll ever be as I climb the steep set of narrow stairs one after another.
My feet dangle on the narrow step, my heels hanging off abrupt edges. If there was wind in the arena, I would feel it brushing the bottoms of my feet as I walk higher than air.
I dare not glance down. I dare not look up.
The lights dim and I take my place. My partner smiles on the other side of the wire, on his own platform. We lock eyes. It is time.
They hand me my pole, I steady myself as I’ve been taught. I find a balancing point, slide... Read more
“WHY is Mommy wearing her scarf and coat and shoes? WHY?!” The question comes from my small man wrestling on the couch with his dad. It’s one of his favorite games to play. “Wrestle with me, Daddy!” He’s as joyful as he gets, rumbling around dictating points and I wins and no, that’s a tie. As happy as he gets so long as we’re all there, together, in the room. “Mommy is going to go finish up some work, Buddy.” The answer send him screaming to the kitchen. “NO! I WANNA GO WIFF YOU! NO! I WANNA GO, TOO!”
It’s been weeks now that I’ve kept this schedule, working while the children sleep, on weekends, after my other job. I’ve explained to the children that sometimes you have to work a lot.... Read more
“Actually, I don’t wear boobies right now because I’m a little kid. You wear boobies because you’re a mommy. When I grow up and are a Mommy I will wear boobies, too, right? And OH LOOK my race cars just crashed that was funny. Whoever gets to the side of the closet first wines. Are you still getting dressed? Oh, you’re wearing a red shirt like I am! Look I’m wearing red, too! Did you see? Now can you see? I’m wearing red, too! SEE? IT IS RED? DID YOU SEE IT? RED. RED. Oh, can we do pizza tonight. Now can you play race cars with me? Why are you still getting dressed. It takes FOR EVER TO GET DRESSED, hu. Why are you brushing your hair? I brush my hair, too. See? Now can we do race cars?”
“Um, do you have sage?” I ask at Whole Foods. It seems logical that if one would need something to cleanse spirits, Whole Foods would have it. You know: Hippies and all that. “You mean for burning?” I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about. I think you burn it. I’m not sure what I’m looking for but I’ve been told by at least four people to try a sage cleanse for our house so this year will be infinitely better than the last. Sage cleansing. I couldn’t even bother to look it up before I go marching in to Whole Foods to buy it. Read more
This time of year makes my skin itch. Mainly because the heat is always on and the air is so dry, but ALSO because the weblog awards come out about now and everyone gets all weird about it. Everyone says “those are SOOOO 2004.” But let me tell you, I was in them (ok, one) in 2004, and I’m not proud to admit that I buckle under the pressure of a pretend award like the zipper of my jeans do on Thanksgiving. That doesn’t stop me from nominating you, though. As “they” say, I hope it truly is just a joy to be nominated because you have been. In no...
I’ve written about The Red Tent before. I loved this book about womanly camaraderie based in fictional ancient biblical times. It’s the sort of book that makes a lady a feminist. You practically wanna shout to your random sisters-of-the-hood from across the street, “YOU GO HONEY! YOU CAN DO IT! WE FUCKING BLEED ONCE A MONTH AND STILL TACKLE THE WORLD!” Then you high five a million angels and she high fives them...
Blogrolls are IN. Blogrolls are contervesial! They’re outdated! YOU SUCK ‘cause I’M NOT LISTED. List me and I’ll list you? Drama. I took my blogroll down several versions of design ago. I knew it was outdated. I knew some of my blogger friends moved to facebook only or ditched the online world completely. But I have to confess, I often forget to click and read, even for a minute, without your shiny faces, avatars, logos, whatever, over there smiling at me. And yes, it’s out of date. I took out a few links that were so old the internet declared them rusty. And I don’t have some of my favorite people on there like Not a girl, not yet a wino and Oddly enough, my boss told me to embrace failing this year. “Try to fail more this year” he said. Uh. Ok. And other such clichés. (Like I said, it was eloquent as shit when he told it to me.) So,...
Way to go Random.ORG. Thank you to...
My Mind Enema 10/Jan/2011
Who you should nominate for teh Bloggies. 10/Jan/2011
Like the Red Tent but without the tent or ancient rituals 06/Jan/2011
The Blogroll’s death and resurrection. I guess you can say, my blogroll has a Jesus-ish quality. 02/Jan/2011
FAIL BIG OR GO HOME 29/Dec/2010
The Winner of the Freelancer EE LIcense Announced. Congrats @awsmsrc 28/Dec/2010
You know: Hippies and all that.
That doesn’t stop me from nominating you, though.
As “they” say, I hope it truly is just a joy to be nominated because you have been.
In no... Read more
Blogrolls are IN. Blogrolls are contervesial! They’re outdated! YOU SUCK ‘cause I’M NOT LISTED.
List me and I’ll list you?
Oddly enough, my boss told me to embrace failing this year. “Try to fail more this year” he said. Uh. Ok. And other such clichés. (Like I said, it was eloquent as shit when he told it to me.) So,...
Way to go Random.ORG. Thank you to...
Oddly enough, my boss told me to embrace failing this year. “Try to fail more this year” he said.
And other such clichés.
(Like I said, it was eloquent as shit when he told it to me.)
So,... Read more
Way to go Random.ORG.
Thank you to... Read more