You’re my Man, You’re D’Bomb
You’re The Dad, and I’m the Mom
Together we make beautiful kids
You always close the toilet lids.
You play dressup with our girl
You’re happy to give her a whirl
Our son fouls when you play ball
You don’t seem to mind at all
I’ve decided I’m the authority on what’s wrong with children today. Ready? Here’s my theory.
They are entitled little shits.
So, that’s the short version. The long version is a consequence of something like this:
My son is two. Two is THE MAGICAL AGE OF WONDERMENT. Aka: “NO NO MINE MINE MINE I DO IT” etc. And we all know that if you are not your child’s authority by the time they are two, they will have the authority and rule the family. No, it’s true. I saw it on Super Nanny.
These are the thoughts... Read more
After losing a friend recently to Breast Cancer, there is a flame under my ass to get healthy like it has never burned before. Those of us left behind are staring in to her pictures shaking our heads unsure how this could happen. We look at our lives and our children and it’s not too far to put yourself there, in her place, just hours after a diagnosis of breast cancer, kissing her family good-bye.
I still get a little choked up (read: bawl) when I think about that image. I don’t want anyone else to have that story. I don’t want another child to lose their mother... Read more
We have a.. how do we say this? ... “tight” community. Or “compact” if you’re a car salesman. Or “bumfucking close” if you’re us.
Whatever, people are everywhere always up in other people’s grills here.
Last night our neighbors had a tiny party. (Nice people, really, smoking Christians with a cute little white fully dog that always wave high and say “how are you” before jumping in their car and doing what people without kids do: LEAVE HOME.) It so happens that this particular two weeks has been warm... Read more
I’ve been sitting here ignoring most everything a grown up should focus on: Kids, Bills, Work, Laundry, Dishes, Life. I’ve been sitting here scouring the Internet looking for something.
I’ve been retracing the last thirty-three years of my life and watching images of memories. I’ve been seeking people I know and love online and the community I’ve grown so fond of. I’ve been re-reading comments and emails from my college friends looking for any signs of endings.
I can’t find them.
I can’t seem to... Read more
Please find part one here.
In 1999, I was living in Bellingham, having finished college at Western Washington University earning a degree in pretty much nothing helpful, working at coffee shops and day care centers. I was living with my best friend and ex-boyfriend from High School. It was an odd situation from an outsider’s perspective, as I’d call him honey when I walked in the door and he’d kiss my forehead and tuck me in to bed, in my own room where I would sleep alone.... Read more
Our goal is to be diaper free by thirty-five. Well, that’s Diaper Free in our house. By June 18th, 2009 we want to be diaper free so Mr. Flinger can celebrate his thirty-fifth birthday in undies.
Or, rather, we’ll all be in undies.
It’s been a long road to this point. Four and a half years of changing diapers almost without stop. There have been pull-ups, accidents, turds on the floor, stains. There are places we no longer talk about in the old house because of “that one time” when LB took off her diaper. Thank god it was a rental.
So... Read more
I guess one of the great things about being a touch of depressed is that you get to take anti-depressants.
And taking anti-depressants makes you a touch of Pollyanna.
Especially when you still get a touch overwhelmed and drink Vodka at night.
And that can be pretty great because you’re funny.
Even if your kid keeps getting Croup.
But hey! Croup means going to the Pediatrician!
Who is hot.
So you have to shave your legs which is kind of nice because you feel a little more sexy.
Or you might go swimming.
Which... Read more
We took the kids to see “Up” today. We all cried. And by we, I mean me. I’ve said a thousand billion times that I have movie love. And I do. I have that marriage where when one of us goes, passes away, forever, the other will slowly just sort of, go insane. Like TOTALLY COMPLETELY INSANE.
Or become an alcoholic.
Which has nothing to do with the movie, necessarily, I’m just sayin’.
So my 2 yr old and my 4 yr old both sat through the entire film with my True Love sitting next to me and we would glance at each other... Read more
When I was five, or six, or maybe as late as eight (but I won’t admit to that), I used to lay on my stomach in my room and look through the bEST Catalog. Remember that store? The store with the roof that looked like it weathered four hurricanes, and probably did, and had THE VERY BEST TOY SECTION EVERRRRR. I mean EVERRRR.
Maybe it was a Houston thing, but I loved that store.
Think of the Sears’ Toy Catalog at Christmas: It was like that but year round.
So I would lay and look at the doll house section because there was nothing more that I wanted than the... Read more