UPDATE TO Mrs. Flinger October 16, 2015
Because the Universe has a wicked sense of humor, after this delcaration, my blog threw up all over my last upgrade.
So I'm starting over using Craft. Turning 40 and kid entering Jr High next year, sometimes it's just time for a change. These archives will still exist in the way the last child goes off to college and their room is the same for 20 years, but it's just time to move forward.
On Motherhood May 14, 2011
Six Mothers’ Days.
Thirty-five years of life.
Nine years of marriage.
52 throw up accidents.
4,329,784 whiny complaints.
89 wet sheets. 610 school lunches.
423 sleepless nights.
One homemade card.
But maybe I can be your sunshine? May 06, 2011
He watches the truck with a camper pass us on the road. “I wanna go camping again. Are we EVER going to go camping again?” My three year old is a drama queen sometimes. I laugh. “Yes, we’ll go camping, I promise. We’ll go when it gets sunny again.”
“It’s NEVER going to be sunny again!” He whines. He also loves to whine.
“Oh, it will,” I assure him, “Probably July 5th.” The classic NorthWest joke doesn’t mean anything to him.
“Hey, I’m wearing yellow! Maybe I can be your sunshine?” he beams a little.
He starts to point out all the yellow. There’s a yellow sign! And a yellow truck! And yellow flowers!
Suddenly there is so much yellow that he declares it is a sunny day even as I turn on the windshield wipers.
Sometimes he seems to know exactly what I need; even before I do.
Evaluation May 03, 2011
“She is very bright. Intelligent and creative; loving and kind. She seems to be a natural in math and science but her artistic abilities and imagination give her a great balance. She’s very social. She is unaware of the politics of other girls in her grade. She is a tender soul who can not sit still.
She has trouble focusing and might need some work in this area. She is often tired in the afternoon. She seems young for her age.
Overall she is a joy to work with. While she is a bit bouncy and can have difficult finishing a task before starting another, making her very inefficient, she’s got a lot of potential and you should be proud of her.”
As it turns out? She really is my kid.
Even if she doesn’t look it.
On being S.A.D. May 02, 2011
The heat kicks back on and I know it won’t warm me. The walk to the car will be wet and cold. I wear a layer of my body like an extra coat of energy, just waiting, hoping to be used. I drink another cup of coffee and turn the heat as high as I can while I drive. I will struggle with children, putting coats and hoods and boots on and splashing back to the car again. The effort nearly crushes me.
It is May. The realization nearly takes my breath away.
It is May.
Seattle just finished the coldest April on record. Even after two amazingly sunny days this weekend, we return to the usual rain and high of 55 degrees.
You can watch for signs of failures, you can talk about becoming better at your job, or at parenting, or about being healthier phsyically. But one day you might notice that you can’t crawl out of bed and you don’t want to get dressed. Suddenly your bones have been cold for months and the brightest lights in the house can’t make you “snap out of it.” While this isn’t true for everyone, I know it’s harder for some of us than others.
The things we pay attention to, always asking if it is affecting our work or our kids or our families, might not be the thing that takes us down in the end. Four months of weepy, moody, lethargic days eventually pay their price.
Work, Family, Life. Right now, in this cold dreary day, the effort nearly crushes me.
Chicks, Bunny Ears and Sugar. (This is not about the playboy mansion.) Apr 27, 2011
Like last year, the year before that, and the year prior to that and so on, it rained on Easter here.
I did manage to click some pretty terrible photos with my iPhone for you.
Behold! The creepiest bunny in the history of all bunnies!
As we prepared to set out the goods for the children the night before Easter, we discovered some mice pellets in our pantry. Let me rephrase that, WE FOUND OUT WE HAVE MICE IN OUR PANTRY. As in EATING OUR FOOD.
Easter mice: Trumps creepy bunny.
Instead of leaving the candy and goodies on the table for the children, we decided (in a quick act of awesome by yours truly) to write a little riddle and have the children hunt for their Easter Basket Innards. Brilliant, right? (nod yes.)
I wrote the following, clever, did I mention awesom, riddle:
“If you were hot
And looked like gold
You might hide
In someplace cold.”
Oh, how clever I am. CLEVER I SAY. So we hid the stuff in the fridge. That’s all “making lemons from mice pellets” or something. I was oh so proud of myself.
I even signed it “From T.E. Bunny.”
T.E. Get it? T(he) E(aster) Bunny?
I tell you, though, the apple does not fall from the overly-prideful tree. The minute my 6 year old read the note she runs to the fridge, opens it up and exclaims:
“THIS IS IT?!”
Actually, I don’t remember what she said but I think it was pretty condescending coming from a 6 year old who failed to even notice the awesome cleverness of her clever clever mother. Or Bunny. Whatever.
In tradition, we hunted for eggs in the rain.
The secret is to run REALLY REALLY FAST and the rain can’t catch you.
My children are masters at this.
(See from 2009)
In another tradition, there was the mandatory egg shot with the siblings.
See circa 1985:
And now: Circa 2008.
All together now? Ahhhhh.
May your week continue to be filled with chocolate and sun.
And then invite me over.
Sticky Notes Apr 18, 2011
I have these sticky notes. They line my computer background, they clutter my virtual desktop, the travel in my portable office. They are text files I keep open to remind myself of my goals, todo lists, small notes. I have one that I keep open nearly all day, every day. It is titled, “People I want to emulate.”
On this text file I keep a very short list of people I admire and dare to imitate. It’s like my own version of the, “What Would Jesus Do” bracelet.
What would Amanda say to this quest I’m on?
Would Scott Berkun forget to submit a speaking proposal?
I bet Emily Lewis would take the time to code this correctly, without shortcuts.
These are the people that keep me in check. They may or may not even know how often I think about their strength, their wisdom, their spirit. They are leaders by example and in ASCHII all day to someone striving to find her own space, to be her own person, one that someone else might list on a sticky note one day. Perhaps one day I’ll have someone who will want to be like me.
Maybe even my daughter.
Burnt Toast Apr 13, 2011
1. When your priorities are all effed up.
2. Pondering ways to move the earth’s orbit so days are 31 hours each.
3. I have a blog??!?!?!?!?!!11111!?!?
Years ago Mr. Flinger and I found a book called “Burnt Toast” while dragging our new 3 month old daughter around Powells in Portland. Forgetting that it was written by a pretty famous actress who probably never struggled with baby weight five, no six, years after her first child was born or had to wander the bookstores at 10PM because HEY WHY NOT WE ARE ALL AWAKE, the book made an impression on us both. Having only read the excerpt of the book from the flap, we still talk about how easy it is to give your priorities to things other than what you find important: your family, your health, maybe, I dunno, breathing deeply every so often. The book’s premise is that while you are giving the best parts of the loaf to everyone else, you’re taking the burnt toast for yourself.
Throughout the years we find ourselves saying, “I’m not going to be all burnt toast about this.” About a week ago we decided to spontaneously give our family three entire days together. We’ve been working insane hours, never seeing each other, hardly ever in the same house more than 2 hours aside from sleeping time. The children see us both, but never together. The four of us spending time together is as mystical as Santa or that damn Tooth Fairy that always forgets to put money under the pillow. Three entire days to be a family, while ridiculously short, is more than we’ve experienced in months.
And so we went to Wenatchee. Why? Well, why not?
I joked with friends that we could pick Disney Land or Great Wolf Lodge but my children are just as happy going to a HOTEL! with A POOL!
It’s the simple things, really: A pool, a park, the sun, flying kites, bubbles, snow, and more junk food than you are ever allowed to eat at home.
By the end of the trip the children were exhausted and happy playing small games with stuffed animals in the back seat. We all had a small glow from the sun and hours of swimming. For all intensive purposes, we were, what’s the word? Happy.
How fleeting that feeling is in the wake of deadlines and taxes and bills and commitments.
There are a million blogs, a few dozen more posts, and thousands of books about the topic “Balance.” How do you achieve a career that gives your family the resources it needs while maintaining a close relationship with each other? How do you prevent placing all your energy in work when your children are begging for just an hour to play trains?
I don’t know and I’m not even going to pretend to.
The thing I do know is that a few days, a small card slipped in a school lunch, an hour at a preschool tea, provides the children with the confidence that we are here. We work, we have a strong work ethic, but we still love them even more than the biggest tree (as my daughter always declares). We love them bigger than the sun, higher than the Sponge Bob kite can fly, taller than the entire universe. In the end it’s about being ok with feeling like a failure at work some days knowing the face that lights up the brightest when you walk in to school will be the one that matters most.
My Unicorn lives in a Yoga Studio Mar 25, 2011
I’ve had a partial written summary of my time in Austin at SXSW for over a week. As I’m not one to over edit anything (if you read me very long you’ll probably call out grammar issues and typos in comments) it is a puzzle to me why I didn’t just hit submit when I finished writing.
Maybe this is called “Personal Growth.”
Since coming home I’ve been in such a funk, such a god-awful-terrible-no-good funk, Mr. Flinger is threatening to ship me back to Austin permanently. I’ve talked to my co-workers about our time there, each who managed to write about the experience. We reflect on the talks, the discussions over coffee, bacon, and port. We reach back in the archives of our notes pulling bulleted items back up trying to apply each to our regular work day.
The experience is an overwhelming one. Think Christmas morning for your four year old every hour of the day for four days.
In the midsts of meeting people in charge of amazing projects like the Web Standards Project, those involved in huge awesome new opportunities like Happy Cog Hosting and sharing an armrest on the plane (and a few drinks) with world famous speakers in the field, the wealth of inspiration is never ending.
This morning I confessed to a co-worker that I was .. down. Off. Blah. I couldn’t explain the reason. The sun is out! The sky is blue! My job is great! So why the sourpuss?
It wasn’t until my lunch-time Yoga break sweating in 110 degree heat in downward dog that it hit me: I have extroverts let down. The past six weeks were hectic: four different cities, two conferences, one training session and a client meeting. The experience was difficult on some levels, leaving the children and my husband to fly to another city as they stayed behind. I missed them dearly but I also thrived on the excitement. There was never a quiet moment. My hectic life was, impossible sounding as it is, more so. I ached for my family and I made great use of my time. It was an endless chance to meet amazing people, have fantastic opportunities, and engage in deeper conversation.
I loved it. I loved it so much I branded it “Bringing My Unicorn.” Everywhere I went, I was charged and energized.
It’s no surprise then that coming home would be an adjustment. There is no one to talk to at my kitchen table about web standards. Nobody can offer a tip on the book I’m writing. There is no substitute Emily Lewis to lean over lunch and encourage me to keep coding, be feminine in a masculine world, and share those experiences. Jenn Lukas lives too far away to drink port or pale ale with and laugh and cuss and talk nerdy things. No, for an extrovert, working at home, alone, however many tools utilized, is an adjustment.
I have not laughed as much as I did in Austin in a very, very long time. I laughed until I cried. Until I woke the next morning thinking I bruised my ribs. I laughed sober, I laughed over whiskey, I laughed and nodded and hugged people. For five awesome days, we were not our business, we were humans.
As Carl Smith said, “Life is just what happens inbetween SxSWs.”
Don’t have me, but Mar 04, 2011
In a possible “entirely too much transparency” moment, I have to confess:
I’ve been thinking of three.
Babies, that is.
I was pretty sure my clock had plumb run out of ticking. I was pretty convinced being pregnant was NOT IN MY CARDS EVER AGAIN OH DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT ME THAT WAY UH NO.
And now? Now? I have the baby fever again.
My husband is taking cold medicine to prevent that from spreading.
I was sure we were done. I am sure that we’re done. But oh, OH, Internet, we make such adorable children.
Adorable Littles who do not sleep. For. Years.
I’m off to read my archives for a while which may very well be the best birth control in the world.
** My friend Laura said to list out the reasons why I want another one. Like a Pros / Cons list? LIke Ross did with Rachel? It looked something like this:
Tiny baby fingers, toes and nose
Falling in love with another person
Adding to the abundance of our life
I love sleeping
I love my career
I love sleeping
Our house isn’t big enough
I love sleeping
My body is still recovering from the first two
I love sleeping
Technical Conferences Mar 01, 2011
As a geek, I’m proud to represent women in technology speaking on topics such as; Framework Logic in ExpressionEngine, Load Balancing and Optimization of EE, Creating User Centric Back-ends with ExpressionEngine and Freelance Best Practices: Keeping Clients and Yourself Happy. I represent a passion for web standards, clean code and building relationships through business.
A few places I’ve had the opportunity to speak at:
I’ve had the opportunity to speak on a variety of podcasts as well.