At seven years old, you’re incredibly intelligent. I’d go so far as to say presidential even. 05/Jun/2014

Dear Buddy,

Tonight you blew our minds with your ability to spell an entire birthday card for your teacher and read your Dinosaur book without needing much help. You practically outdid most of my previous freshman college students with your math test and ability to speak adverbs properly. So yea, we’re sort of expecting great things from you.

We chose a book called “The Human Body” to read tonight. To be honest, you couldn’t decide between that, the airplane book and another dinosaur book but Mama can’t take another book about the big ass... Read more

May your holidays be everything you asked for and then some 26/Dec/2011

I am blessed with people in my life whom I share traditions with. We watch our children grow together. They bring me joy well beyond a generic word like “blessed.” Each year, for as many years as my youngest has been alive, we gather at Christmas to exchange gifts and create christmas memories to hang on our trees. These memories: beaded off-center balls, reindeer with too much glue, pictures of children years younger under glitter and foam; are treasures of magnificence. We hang each on branches every year in prideful spots. These ornaments, complete with thumbprint-smeared... Read more

Did I ever tell you about the time… 04/Feb/2011

My children were playing “little fucker” at Home Depot?

Now, look, before you get all judgy, let me just preface this with a post I wrote two years ago to prove I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. Ok? I had a plan. I had a theory. That theory sucked.

In retrospect, the “time and a place” mantra could work. Teaching your children that anyone can say anything as long as it is the appropriate time and place is rather discerning. I don’t want to... Read more

Potty Mouth 12/Oct/2008

My daughter talks. She talks. And talks. And talks. A few days ago we challenged her to be quiet for five minutes. “Just FIVE minutes. I’ll buy you a pony!” the mister bribed.

She failed at 2 minutes 5 seconds.

She talks through everything: coloring, playing with her mice. (Oh, yes! she has invisible mice! You know? Like Cinderella? Or the crazy cat lady in the psych ward?) She talks about her friends. She talks so much she even narrates her poop.

The other day I was standing there waiting for my daughter to pinch off a tootsie roll listening to... Read more