Speaking his language 03/Mar/2008

After knowing Mr. Flinger for nearly twenty years now, seven years of those married, six of those as best friends, and 5 years of dating, you’d think I kinda know the guy a bit. You’d think that. And you’d be right. Mostly.

For some reason I’ve been approaching this whole birth control thing completely wrong. I’ve been approaching it like a women, with logic and emotion. *We* don’t want to have children, so *we* need to find a solution that works for *us*. *We* need to get a cost effective/low impact solution. *We* don’t need the Mommy (hi)... Read more

Randomness 06/Aug/2007

The BoyChild will not let me set him down. What-so-ever. At all. Nada. Zilch. No-go. W.T.F. This means I have about thirty-two minutes at the end of the day when Mr. Flinger gets here to do bills, clean, make dinner, eat dinner, pee, shower, and workout. Oh! And type! And write thank you cards! And give myself a pedicure because OY. Did I mention Oy? OY.

This too shall pass. I know I know. And if I was really obnoxious and deeply troubling I might say something totally gross like, “I just enjoy this time because one day he’ll be fighting me off and I’ll miss the... Read more

Celebrate* 18/Sep/2006

Just got the call: HCG is less than five. We can :: ahem :: resume “normal activity” and start trying whenever we feel comfortable.

I’m drinkin’ some wine tonight, baby! Bring on the BABY MAKING.

Wooot!

*upon hearing this news Mr. Flinger says, “Activity as normal? Can’t we do better than once a month? Come on, Man, throw me a bone.” He forgot about the the experiment already? Jeesh.

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Because this is what I’d say if I just met you on the street 17/Aug/2006

Here is the kind of information you would get from me if you saw me on the street today.

Yea. I’m almost five weeks pregnant. Yea. So it’s not going well. Yasee, I peed on another stick today. And, well, it’s not darker and I KNOW they say it doesn’t matter but it has to, right? Doesn’t it make sense if your HGC went up it would get darker? Yea. I thought so. So anyway, I had another blood work lab today because the nurse isn’t pleased with my score of 47 on 17 days past ovulation. Oh, we know when I ovulated because I took this... Read more

Because I can convince a nun she’s pregnant but not that she’s a lesbian 23/May/2006

Two weeks late. Grumpy but not bitchy. Weepy but not pissy. Tired. Sore boobs. Pukey.

Negative.

Wow. This. Is. Really. Getting. Old.

Maybe it’s all those women I sleep with. Yathink?*

Oooh, Internet, before you run around spreading rumors, lemme just say that I’ve stayed up late to see my hunk-o-hunk-a-burning-manhood on the Country Music Awards (which I despise) just because Read more

Times you should NOT have to consult your blog 08/May/2006

“Babe, my uterus hurts.”

“When is your period due?”

“I dunno. I’ll have to check my archives.”

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You mean I can get a poke any time I wanna? 21/Dec/2005

No, it’s not the latest porn movie hitting the Internet, it’s what my Doc said after I admitted to peeing away hundreds of dollars in pregnancy sticks.  After last week’s episode, she demanded I take a blood pregnancy test because, let’s face it, I was whacked and a week late. Also, regardless of how many fake positive or real negative tests I take, I still believe I’m pregnant. Hell, I can be bleeding like a... Read more

More talk about how my nipples can cut glass and I’m about to hurl at the sight of food 07/Dec/2005

I swear to you, I can convince a nun she’s pregnant. No, Really. I could. I think I have a problem. There should be a name for this. “reallybadguessingatpregnancysymptoms-drom” or “howthehellcouldIpossiblybebutIthinkitanyway-drom” or “mynippleshurtlet’sassumeit’sababy-drom” ‘cause y’all. Every. Effing. Month.

One of these days the girl-who-cried-pregnant will actually GET pregnant and there will be no people to give a rat’s ass. “Yea. Right” they’ll say. “Uhhu.. SUUUURRREEEE.” And... Read more

OH MAH GAH.. chronicles from the puke files 17/Nov/2005

Y’all… I am not just feeling pukey.. I am hunched over the sink dry heaving. Why? Seriously? Here’s the theory.

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More of my phantom pregnancy symptoms 28/Jul/2005

I’m starving. I’m so hungry, y’all. I’m hungry enough that page 83 of Harry Potter had me drooling. Oh, it’s not the main point of the chapter. Unless, of course, the fact that Harry Potter eats onion soup and bread has some large meaning to the whole wizarding world. I’m sure it doesn’t. But it has a whole hell of a lof of meaning to my world. Mainly, my belly.

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