I can totally pull this off 04/Nov/2010

I’ve been sleepy since I was 16 years old. The first doctor I saw, during cross country season my Junior Year of High School, dismissed my complaints. “Look,” he leaned forward, his hands resting on this thighs, smelling of soap, “You’re not tired. You can’t be tired. You run 5 miles a day and get straight A’s. You’re not tired.”

But I *WAS* tired.

I continued to be tired and get dismissed for the next 19 years. I slept through college. Literally. I fell asleep regularly on my books in the library, drooling between pages... Read more

Fear! Panic! Mayhem! Falalala - lala- lala 21/Dec/2008

Everyone ready for The Big Storm? Arctic Blast 2008! Sheer Hell-frozen-over! RUNNNNNNnnnnNNNN.

According to the news, this is going to be The Biggest Storm Ever In Our ..  Lives… Muhahaha.

Until next year, at least.

So everyone in the Pacific Northwest is at Safeway and Fred Meyer getting the essentials. The guy behind us in line had three bags of Cheetos and beer. We had four cases of pop, some red wine, cheese and beer. The lady in front of us? You got it: Beer. (In her defense, she was the only person in line buying batteries, too, so there’s... Read more

Laughing until I fart 06/May/2008

I just got my first, er, fifty-first piece of hatemail.

The IP of 71.63.41.222 writes,

“Dear Mrs. Fliger. I’ve known you wanted to be just like Dooce for years but you couldn’t hide it any better? Your web designs suck and your coding is awful and now your stealing ideas from Dooce’s website. Pathetic. Get your own fonts.”

Hang on… Hang on…

:: PPPPFFTTTTT ::

Sorry, I’m laughing… so.. incredibly.. hard.. right… now..

I fart when I laugh. Didn’t you know that? My closest friends... Read more

The problem with labeleling and google, which is not at all related 21/Feb/2008

We’ve hit a portion of time known in our circle as “the three-and-a-half-year-old” stage. ohdearmotherlivinghell. The “terrible twos”? A warm up. The teenage angst? Being foreshadowed. My mental health? On the wire.

Tuesday we had what could only be referred as “a throwback to Rambo” There was yelling, fighting, dramatic throw-downs. This all in the first ten minutes of the day. She literally turned in to a fish out of water gasping for air because, ohgodforbid, her mother asked her to wipe her own bottom. That’s right, Internet, I... Read more

Was there a game on or something? 04/Feb/2008

Apparently Super Bowl Sunday is a national holiday. Were you aware? I knew when I took my daughter to Safeway to purchase pizza, wine and potato salad (what everyone eats on an average Sunday) there were, approximately, four small nations of people in the checkout line all buying pizza, beer and potato salad.

That was my first clue.

Then I noticed our neighbors either decided to start selling used cars to suplement our outrageous mortgaged 1200 SF townhomes or else those very same people who were just in line at Safeway were now swarming around our complex like angry bees... Read more

Because I can trust you with a secret, Internet 08/Dec/2007

I am wearing a girdle for the first time since child #2. It is not pretty. The mass that used to constitute my ab muscles is now squished to the top of a size-that-fit-prior-to-growing-the-largest-belly-known-to-pregnancy “slimming” girdle.

This means one of two things is bound to occur at the office party we are attending tonight for Mr. Flinger’s work: a) someone will ask when I’m due and b) I will get very crampy gas about the time his boss makes his way over to our table and let a teeny tiny SBD slip out. And blame his boss for it.

Remember what... Read more

Look! A placeholder! 02/Dec/2007

Wowzers, 24 hours goes pretty damn fast. The reality of night feedings is weighing back on me shortly, so my half-written OMG-I-hang-with-the-best-effing-people-in-Seattle will have to wait.

But look! Michelle posted pictures!

And so did I!

Read more

How datenight turned in to a car show 26/Aug/2007

Friday night we were blessed with a date. A DATE. Yea, I know, what’s that? It’s that thing you do when you leave the house without the kids because someone else has generously volunteered

been roped in to watching your children. It. Was. Awesome.

Until…

(Let me back up here a moment so as to ‘splain it all.)

So. You know I’ve been trying to get my pre-baby body back? And... Read more

One, Two, 1-2-3-4 16/Aug/2007

Please sing in your best country-sounding voice. There needs to be twang. Sadly, every time I try to make “twang” in my head it comes out “Bow Chicka Chicka Bow Bow.” So, go for less porn and more TWANG, ok?

Also, I am completely sober. S-O-B-E-R. I’m like a guy on Alcohol, I couldn’t get it going. But once I got sober, the words just started flowing.

:: ahem ::

I didn't take this photoRead more

My eyes, they may be bigger than my stomach, and that is hard to do 15/Aug/2007

Internet? Internet? You there still? Ok, so look, I .. um.. have ideas. All these IDEAS just sort of swirling around my brain all, “BLAHBLAHBLAH ooh! I could do THIS! And THIS and, well, we need THIS, too!” and I have plans, big plans, plans for remodeling websites and member areas and podcasts, and new sites, and and and and and…

And then my brain explodes.

Then the baby needs things and the toddler melts down and the sun comes out and melts my ass to the park bench.

That’s the short short version.

I believe there are all kinds of... Read more