A style of her own
Nov, 23, 2009 -- By: Mrs. Flinger
Nov, 23, 2009
One of my favorite things about my daughter is how unique she is.
One of the things I least like about my daughter is how like me she is.
I can identify with a five year old girl. I remember thinking out some of the same things she does. I remember laying on the floor of our new house in Friendswood, TX, crying. I didn’t know why I was crying, but I was crying. I remember my dad, so tall, leaning in the room and asking, “What are you crying for NOW.”
I remember that moment like it was yesterday, not thirty years ago. It’s either a curse or a blessing that I do because I now have a five year old that I bite my tongue when all I want to say is, “What are you crying for NOW.”
So with every dramatic set of water works, with each dance, with all the arguments, I roll my eyes because I know. I know. I did those same things.
And I’m plagued with them again.
It’s true what they say, your parents will never look smarter than when you’re an adult. I’m stuck in the middle- I’m watching my history and living my mother’s past and seeing my future as my parents age. To say it’s enlightening is an under-statement.
Enlightening my ass- it’s scary.
I have clear memories at five. I have memories of my parents at five. I have quotes. I have actions. I have distinct moments that I’ve carried with me for 29 years now. Knowing this, I second guess myself too often. She’ll remember it now. From now on, she’ll remember.
I don’t want it to be that one frustrated sentence I bark at her that she carries with her to adulthood. But I understand now my Dad’s view. I understand being frustrated at a sensitive girl. I get that moment now. I see it from his view. But I’m also seeing it from hers.
In that moment, those moments, if I just make one choice different, it is to hug her before I yell. Maybe she will carry that with her to adulthood and keep her silly dances and her silly side. Maybe she’ll grow to love herself and her own unique style, even if it is a little like her Mother’s.
Just maybe.
13 Comments Filed in: Family Life • Read the Archives
Comments
I love this. And you. xoxoxo
What a beautiful post! Being a mother to girls is not easy. We’ll get through it!
She is so cool! I LOVE her style! And I especially love the first photo with the boots, stripy tights and the autumn leaves.
This is definitely one of the things that freaks me out most as a parent - having my memories of my own childhood superimposed on the present memories that I know my child is creating for himself. Our childhoods are SO different that although I know my son’s personality is so similar to mine, I still don’t quite know what he is going through. I’m not sure which is stranger - what you are seeing through your eyes or to not be able to relate to the experience the mini-you is going through.
Gemini-Girl, thank you! It’s actually a bit terrifying.
But we all survive.
Pizielation that’s all her! I do love her style. I wish I could get away with it.
Ewokmama Fabulous point. And in addition, I only have glimpses of those memories and they’re muddled. So I really have no idea how or what it is she needs even though I can identify with so much of it.
I love this. Sheesh, it’s hard to parent yourself, isn’t it?
Issa, exactly! I haven’t put it that way in my head but, uh, yea…
First of all, GORGEOUS photos!
Secondly, you said it sister! My goal in life is to do the awesome job my parents did while simultaneously NOT becoming my mother. Talk about hard work.
Thirdly, the stalking has begun. Prepare yourself.
I think it would be an absolute tragedy and worth crying about if she were nothing at all like you.
The Chicken is so like me in so many ways, but she is way more expressive than I ever was. Some days I wish she would tone down the funky, the crazy, the non stop talking….but that would be like me telling her to stop the sun from rising in the morning because I didn’t like the sunshine in my eyes.
It really is hard to walk that line between your parent-self and your child-self, isn’t it?
To see things from your parents’ point of view while you can still remember the sense of injustice or being misunderstood. I’m struggling with this with a two-year-old right now but I do find comfort in the fact that she will almost certainly forget the stupid things I say to her now.
Well done with the new design, by the way. V web 2.0.
Mama Bee- Dude, WELCOME to mah cassa! Stalking Shamlking you’re welcome any day.
Carly, you made me a little happy just now.
Heather - Poetic much? holy expressive, woman. That’s a wonderful thought. I both hate her 25 minute songs that say nothing at all and miss them when she doesn’t sing.
Cheryl- It’s version 21.29 I think. I dunno. I lost count after all the wine. And the parent-self child-self thing? Is so hard. I guess we just do the best we can and know they will get therapy later.
I love that she’s like you and totally unique too. She’s so lucky to have been born into just the right family. Go girl!