May 23, 2005
I’m struggling with transition. The transition from working girl, career lady, working up the ladder to spitup queen, shit changer, mommy-extraordinaire. Any one else having this trouble?
I’m telling you, it really helps to ease the transition when you loath your job. You, my friend, like your job too much for this transition to be easy!
That being said, you aren’t alone… as much as I love being home and as much as I HATED myjob…I’m currently entertaining the idea of doing some part-time work for them (once a week kinda stuff)... (I’d be doing the ONE part of my old job that actually sorta made me happy). It would just be nice to be in the adult world once again, if for no other reason than to make me appreciate my current life a little more.
Also, you are not alone in the slightly illegal boss issues. When I was six months pregnant (give or take), my old boss called me into his office, shut the door and told me he needed to know immediately if I was planning on returning after I had the baby. I’m pretty they can’t do that… Legally, I’m pretty sure could have taken the maternity leave and THEN decided… I was playing it cool at the time (even though I had no intention of returning) and I asked him if I could have the same work-from-home arrangement that my other two female coworkers w/ babies had… he said no. Umm… is that fair? Pshah.
Anyway, I’m sure others will offer better “you’re not alone” stories… but I just wanted to share that.
By Erin on 2005 05 23
Erin.. that’s so true! Had I hated my job, I’d be happy as a clam. And I can’t believe how poorly people handle the pregnancy thing. It’s just WRONG. A pregnant woman, although a bit frazzled, pukey and foggy, is still a smart woman. We catch on to things.
Jen, man, you said it all, girlie! Exactly! I wish they HAD said it that way. Maybe I wouldn’t have come home going, “That’s it! I’m getting a PhD and a position at an Ivy League school. THAT’LL show ‘em!” heh. Oh, and I LOVED your “IQ Of a male computer scientist.” Pasty white boys with no social skills. Yup. Sums them up.
By Mrs. Flinger on 2005 05 23
I don’t really love my job right now but I stay with it mainly because of two things 1) virtually no stress and 2) it’s so convenient. No stress from my job means I have more of ME to spend with Clara when I get home. I say convenient because I can call in sick anytime I have to with no “bad reviews”. I can even bring her to work if I really needed to. Could I have the same arrangement in another office? I sincerely doubt it.
Clara or Career? I think the choice is clear but that doesn’t make the struggle easier to deal with (for me). You are not alone, Les.
By maiji on 2005 05 23
Oh, how funny, Jen. I just read IQ! I didn’t even see the E. But you’re still right.
Maiji, I know what you’re talking about with the less stress = more ME for LB. Exactly. I’m not all tired and worn out when I come back. I’m just ready for my bean. It’s not a hard choice, it’s totally all LB, but it’s odd that I forget when the higher ups get all “You’re a MOM.” I think I’m stubborn.
By Mrs. Flinger on 2005 05 23
I agree with Karyn! Give it a few years until LB is a bit older and her independence will directly correlate with your ability to refocus your career goals.
How do all of the successful women in our world do it? Find someone who inspires you and pick HER brain! For those of us in IT, it’s harder to find a mentor or role model but, that’s a big part of it. Read a book or article about balancing career and infant. It ain’t fair but then when was being a woman ever fair? We always have MORE brains and ambition and less opportunity. Pick your battles, baby!!
By Peacelily on 2005 05 23
Hey there! I came, I saw and I registered! I totally agree with you on this as I sit here surfing the web at my job. My story is similar to yours. I gave up alot so I can work part-time and be home with my little man. Take care.
By Becki on 2005 05 23
Here’s the great thing about life: you can change your mind and do something different almost whenever you want to…especially nowdays. Get your degree, don’t get it, change professions, go to med school, just WHATTHEHELLEVER. In the here and now you have it great, working parttime, doing what you love AND spending lots of time with LB. Do you know how many women would KILL to be in your shoes?! So take a chill pill. That 21 yr old doesnt have LB in her life but you do! You got it good, baby!
By texasbelle on 2005 05 23
oh, and yeah…I got the struggle too, ever since closing my business once Emma was born. Running my own lab and making my own money made me feel like a badass. Now I’m a badass because Lily learned how to say ‘Bee-otz’ from me. Now when people ask me what I do I can no longer say,“I own my own biz.” Now I am a SAHM and can feel their opinion of me decrease logarithmically, but you know what? Fuckemandfeedemfishheads.
By texasbelle on 2005 05 23
Actually, the end of the road is at 30.
By Jan on 2005 05 23
HAHAH.. Thanks, Christine, ‘Cause I’m pretty much screwed in 6 months it Jan’s right.
By Mrs. Flinger on 2005 05 24
Haha, I am so there although I admit that I kind of like working. Adult interaction! Real intelligent conversations! I just don’t get those at home + Ry would have just grown up yelling “get the hell out of here, move fat ass” as that is about all I tell my dogs every day. In reality my perfect world would be staying home and also working or volunteering at school a few times a week. That way I get some adult time and Ry has her “play time” at daycare. THat would be the best of both worlds for me (just not the check book!) I am VERY glad that I got to stay home with Ry and the boys for almost a year. But I can say that I love to spend money and buy fun stuff way more then staying home. Materialistic of me? YES. Very. But those things make our life fun, like the boat, trips, and what not. Plus my daycare lady is AWESOME and does a way better job with my kids then I could (schedules and naps and healthy food - I am so bad at!) But that wasn’t my point SORRY!
I meant to say that when I told my last place of employment that I was preggo - they didn’t renew my contract and then let me go. Basically fired. Then - couldn’t get a job as a big ole pregnant lady looking for consultant work. Just doesn’t cut it. Now with having 3 kids and this stupid schedule? SUCKS. Thankfully my manager just had a baby 2 weeks ago and is QUICKLY coming into reality of what life is like with kids. Speaking of work….better get back!
By Nicole on 2005 05 24
First of all, you are not alone. We all struggle with work and mom issues. I thought I was going to keel over when I had to go to work. Now that I am there, I love the job, hate to leave Connor. Yet, there I am made to feel like I am sooo lucky to only have to work 2 days a week, blah blah. Umm, if it were up to me I would just be home doing the job I like better. Being Connor’s mom…master’s degree and all!
By speechjane on 2005 05 24
Oh man, you are definitely not alone!! I am also struggling to balance wanting to work for ME and wanting to be home with Brandon. Working part-time would be ideal, but that just hasn’t been possible yet.
I think that the transition to motherhood in general is just HARD! It is tough not to be able, or worse yet, to be told you CAN"T do things like you used to. Guess I don’t really have any words of advice…just to say you are not alone and if you figure out how to “have it all” let me know!
By Carolyn on 2005 05 25