Because this is what I’d say if I just met you on the street

17/Aug/2006

Here is the kind of information you would get from me if you saw me on the street today.

Yea. I’m almost five weeks pregnant. Yea. So it’s not going well. Yasee, I peed on another stick today. And, well, it’s not darker and I KNOW they say it doesn’t matter but it has to, right? Doesn’t it make sense if your HGC went up it would get darker? Yea. I thought so. So anyway, I had another blood work lab today because the nurse isn’t pleased with my score of 47 on 17 days past ovulation. Oh, we know when I ovulated because I took this ovulation strip. Oh, it’s so neat, it’ll tell you when your egg is about 48 hours from being released. Crazy, hu? Anyway, so I had to go back in and now they’re saying things like “miscarriage” and “low HCG” and “if you make it to 2000, we’ll do an ultrasound.” So now I’m totally freaking out because, yaknow, I’ve told people and people read and came, and commented. Cool people. People I’d want to be pregnant at the same time with. Or share stories of my vajaja with or about discharge and my big boobs and puking. I mean, they’re all counting on me to stark puking. Yaknow? And we have a name for him.. yes it’s a him.. and I’ve already cried several times today over the low HCG levels and well, my boobs don’t hurt nearly enough…

And that’s about the time my inner sensor FINALLY kicks in and starts beeping loudly at me to SHUTTHEFUCKUPALREADY. Did I mention I have a malfunctioning inner sensor? Seuss and I were talking about this tonight. That little red light that should blink when you’re on the phone with the financial consultant and instead you blurt out the above paragraph, in its entirety, and she pauses, says, “well, perhaps we can fiddle with the numbers a bit” and you lock your rate just a tad lower. Or when you’re discussing the contract with the seller and you begin said paragraph, again, momments after kicking yourself from the first phone call and yet, YOU DO NOT STOP, you actually say out loud, “I can’t believe I’m telling you this..” followed by an awkward pause….  “....  .......  ........  .... Yes, well, anyway….”

And that, ladies and 2 gents, is why I didn’t post today. Because I told the real-estate gal, the financial consultant, the seller of the condo, two nurses, the lab lady, some random stranger in the library, Erin and all our family my entire pregnancy history, all four weeks in its entirety, and I can’t bear to repeat it again.

Or else I might cry.

Hi

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Comments

  1. (((((HUGS)))))

    and more (((((HUGS)))))

    By mdvelazquez on 2006 08 18

  2. Oh Leslie, I’m sorry.  It’s just not supposed to go that way.  Consider yourself hugged.  You’ll be in my thoughts.

    By Carolyn on 2006 08 18

  3. Les. It’s going to be okay. Whatever happens. That inner sensor is overrated. It only makes you like all the other effers on the planet who you never have a chance to know because they aren’t letting anyone in. So many people love you because you let them in.

    By texasbelle on 2006 08 18

  4. (hugs) smile

    By Erin on 2006 08 18

  5. I’m also guilty of sharing my entire story with the lab technicians (as well as others who I shouldn’t share it with) Seriously… does anyone act like they care LESS than those lab techs??? All they care about is poking you and sending you on your way…

    By Erin on 2006 08 18

  6. I am sorry sweetie but you really don’t know for sure what’s going on yet!

    I am praying for you and the little one!

    By brandi on 2006 08 18

  7. My MIL is totally missing that sensor.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard about my FIL’s diarrhea! 

    HUGS!!  I’ll be crossing everything I can cross that things go well with this pregnancy.  With the entire internet cheering that little baby on, those numbers are sure to skyrocket.

    By BrandiB on 2006 08 18

  8. sending a HUGE HUG! and I’m praying that the numbers rise.  I would cross my fingers all day if I didn’t have to work!  When will you find out?  today sometime?

    By Beckik on 2006 08 18

  9. I 2nd what texasbelle said “so many people love you because you let them in”.

    It will all be fine. Just take a breath and relax.

    HUGS!!!!!!!!

    By Amanda on 2006 08 18

  10. Awwwwww honey… I know it can really SUCK sometimes.  I can totally understand the inner sensor malfunction tho.  I’ve had people tell me I’m missing that filter that goes between your brain and your mouth.  Ya know, I THINK something and before I can sensor it or edit it to be JUST RIGHT, I say it and then I get myself into all kinds of trouble. 

    It’s hard to find balance between excitement and fear when it comes to creating a new little life.  It’s so BIG… so HUGE—I mean, you are creating LIFE.  But it’s also so damn fragile.  Just remember we are all here for you and we DO understand.

    Thanks for sharing with us and trusting us with your vulnerabilities.  {{{{{HUGS!!}}}}}

    By Katie Kat on 2006 08 18

  11. you just need to be spooned. and shhh…calm yourself with the not puking thing, sweets. I’m 11 weeks (okay..10 weeks 6 days, but who’s counting?) along..and I’m still not puking. listen to the inner sensor (that sounds so hippie of me.. my mom would be so proud!) and just relax. no point in getting yourself all worked up. and also? I was peeing all over sticks when I was like 5 weeks along, and they were the faintest of faint (seriously..they’re in my blog)..and then would completely disappear in about 20 minutes. we all heart you..just relaxxxxx.

    By Abby on 2006 08 18

  12. Oh, hon….major (((((HUGS))))) to you.

    By silene on 2006 08 18

  13. Oh sweetie - you freak out if you need to. No one minds. Thinking of you and sending many many positive vibes your way!

    By Shelly on 2006 08 18

  14. Take a deep breath girly…maybe do something totally unprego/uterus related like go see a dumb movie or something? Big hugs…we all love you and it’s going to be OK.

    By Jamie on 2006 08 18

  15. Hoping, hoping, hoping…...  smile

    By Ficklechick on 2006 08 18

  16. A little unoriginal now but {{{hugs}}}.

    xoxo

    By Mama C-ta on 2006 08 18

  17. *Big Hugs*

    By Jan on 2006 08 18

  18. I’m so sorry you are going through all this. I am praying for you that it will all work out.

    By erika on 2006 08 18

  19. So much like me. I’d always swear that I was going to keep my pregnancies a secret for the first 3 months. Never happened. Lasted about 3 minutes.

    By Renee on 2006 08 18

  20. Well, you got a lower rate, right?  That’s not such a bad thing.

    I had 2 faint lines last year, but they were there - regardless of how much I freaked out that first trimester (first pregnancy ever was a miscarriage so I was nervous until ds1 came *out*).  I’ve now got a 15lb boob tick.  It’ll work out.

    By lanna on 2006 08 18