Breaking Up is hard to do

Dec 27, 2005

#Rants and Raves

My battery is dying. (Literally) I’m whiped out. It’s midnight. It’s been an emotional few days. I’ve had two glasses of wine and now I decide to blog? Hellya. I may say something I regret but Internet! I need you!


  1. I’m still trying to salvage a 15 year friend ship. *hugs* So I’m no help. I’m too chicken to just call it quits.

    By Sarah on 2005 12 28

  2. Sometimes they should and sometimes they shouldn’t.  Some friends we need to help us get through specific moments, some friends ride through thte test of time, calmly in the background yet a solid pillar of support always.  Some are wild and vivacious and crazy and we wish we could be like them, but they pass fleetingly like ships in the night and we realize we are better off staying our own course.  Others appear to be friends, but are nothing more than roadblocks.  And sometimes, one of the pillars, one of the people you thought was forever falls off course and drifts away.  It can either be devestatingly quick or painstakingly slow.  The thing that is always important to remember to never burn the bridge, just close it off for a while.  Sometimes, a friend needs to come back and since you know that you love her, you want that door to have a key that she can unlock if she needs to.

    By RB on 2005 12 28

  3. And Sarah, you are not being a chicken, you are being brave.  Just remember not to let yourself get too hurt, it may be time to put it aside, but you don’t have to call it quits.

    By RB on 2005 12 28

  4. It does suck, and it does hurt, and take Karyn’s advice and hope it doesn’t turn nasty.  Those REALLY hurt, and nobody comes out without major battle wounds.

    I’m standing at a similar crossroad myself with a friend I’ve had for 12 years.  It’s amazing how you can be so close and then, all of a sudden, you realize it’s gone…or going.  What’s worse is when you want to fix it and they don’t.  As hard as it in, in those cases it’s best to try to let go and move on, hoping one day you’ll come back together.  Otherwise, it turns into a cancer and sucks the life out of you completely.

    My thoughts are with you, Les.

    By Seuss on 2005 12 28

  5. While I am no help in this area - since I have no close friends from high school except for G (given I married him), I think that maybe just taking some time off, let her go and she will come back when she needs you. But always stay in touch a little. I still send a christmas card to the girls that I was friends with in HS that came to visit me when I had B. Every year I send one to them and I get one back. It’s great and even though we aren’t hanging out or talking all the time, we are still there for each other if we need it.

    By Nicole on 2005 12 28

  6. You know, I think she wanted to break up with you/us/me years ago, but she was in that comfortable place where it was just easier to coast along and ignore the fact that what we once had was completely gone.  So now you/we/I are forced to make the break because she couldn’t do it herself, and we’ll always be labeled the bad guys who ended a friendship.  But I agree with the comments above.  As much as I want to, I can’t burn the bridge just yet…but I will close it off for now.  I just hope she realizes someday that girlfriends are an essential part of life and that all we wanted was to be a part of hers.

    By Paige (CoraBelle) on 2005 12 28

  7. Ihh sweetie!  I am going through something very simular in my life right now. 
    If the person in question doesn’t love you the same way you have to let them go.  I am so sorry :(

    By brandi on 2005 12 28

  8. Here’s my take on girlfriends…

    My best friend is perhaps one of the suckiest friends around.  I am always the one calling her, listening to her problems, its all about her.  It used to really piss me off that our friendship was all about her. 

    But one day she told me that she appreciated me and that she was so happy that she could rely on me as a friend and as a sister.  She told me that she was glad that I still called her up even though she knew she was a sucky friend and never called and checked on me. That really threw me off.

    I later realized that I needed our relationship just as much as she did.  I need to be a big sister to her and in some ways “mother” her. 

    I am so glad I never gave up on our relationship.  I’ve been there when she went through two miscarriages and I held her hand after her D&Cs;.  And I cried tears with her when she found out her bitchy SIL was pregnant.  And she was the happiest person on the planet when I told her the news of my pregnancy and she was there to watch my baby enter this world. 

    My best friend maybe the suckiest best friend in the world, but I am so glad she is my sucky best friend!

    The only thing I can say is don’t give up on your friend.  She may not need you, but you need her and enjoy the friendship for what it is.

    By ^starshine on 2005 12 28

  9. This is hard.  I have a friend too that lets me do all the work in keeping the friendship going.  It’s hard to talk about it and it’s equally hard to let it slip away.  I agree with closing the bridge for a time, but leaving it there.  There may be a time when she or you really need that bridge to still be in place…

    By Amy_M on 2005 12 28

  10. Girl break ups are the hardest, I have been the ‘dumper’ and I have also been ‘dumped.’ 

    In the end (of my 30 wise years ::ehem::) I have realized that I can still be the person I am and they can still be the person they are, but at the current time our lives are so different that we can’t be the best of friends. 

    I don’t know if your friendship is something that you have to “break off”.  It may just mean that you need to do your own thing without having a nasty break up.  Eventually this person may need you as you need her, but not now.  People grow apart, remember that she is a totally different person than you are.  You guys are not the same as you were in college (and you shouldn’t be).  People grow up and grow apart.  That doesn’t mean you have to let go of her.  Let her do her own thing.  Someday she may come back around.  In the meantime, build up your defenses and try to separate yourself from being hurt by the choices she makes. 

    You are a great friend Leslie and don’t second guess how good of a friend you have been to her.

    By traci on 2005 12 28

  11. I think I just did this by declining an invite to a friend’s wedding. We had reached a crossroads awhile back… we’re at two different places in our lives. Until recently she was single and no kids and didn’t get at all why I could join her for happy hour or out to dinner all the way across town at 10 at night. At least she’s getting married now, that puts us a little closer on life paths, but in many ways her meeting Mr Right kind of made things worse. 

    Anyway, it’s sad…. but like some of the others said… friends represent seasons in our lives and very few friends have a part in all of those seasons. :(

    By Erin on 2005 12 28

  12. that “could” should have been “couldn’t” but I’m sure you figured that out.

    By Erin on 2005 12 28

  13. Oh, god… honey, I could’ve written this one. Don’t know if you’ve been reading about my Skye drama, but yeah. I understand. I’ve had to do this on several occassions now and it never feels good… even when I know it’s the best thing to do, it’s not a nice feeling.

    And yeah, it hurts a lot more than breaking up with a dumb boy. Boys are (well, were) *supposed* to screw us up - our girlfriends aren’t!

    It’s not the same, of course, but I’ll be your friend. I could use one myself.


    By Maeander on 2005 12 28

  14. Wise women. Yes, truly is blows, yes. And people do come and go in blog life, real life, and whatever else life and I’m thankful for my bitches and sad to see some real ones slip away.

    Laid to rest for now, like a soap character, seems more appropriate now. Perhaps she’ll come back next season. One can always hope.

    By Mrs. Flinger on 2005 12 28

  15. agree on friendship thing.  it hurted me worse than breaking up with a boy.  I have been sorting my old pictures these 2 days when i have some down time…. man!...i need a drink!

    By Kerry on 2005 12 29

  16. Having friends drift apart IS sad, especially when you don’t want the friendship to end.  It’s one thing if it’s mutual, but it hurts like everything when it’s more one sided.  *HUGS*

    By Holly on 2005 12 31