Find me on most of the social spaces as Mrs. Flinger
In an effort to launch something in a very short timeframe, after three months of coding in off hours for stints of a few minutes at a time, I used a framework to get *something* out. This is not code I would use for a client. Ever.
In fact, if you could see my face right now, you'd realize this is a little more than painful.
But, as sometimes has to happen with personal projects, the non-paying personal site takes a backseat to quality and gets dressed in handmedown code. Thanks to VMcore for the free ride here.
OY! What we Mom’s have to stuggle with. I’ve been a WOHM from the word go so my kids are used to being away from me. Even so they have had patches where they were super glued to my leg when I would drop them off at daycare. Thus ending with both of us in tears. This might sound cheesy but how about leaving something with her that reminds her of you? Maybe a photo or something special you make together, a collage of photos of the two of you? Good luck.
I was a bit like that at that age. I was definitely a “sensitive” and “high-maintenance” child. And my mom WAS stay-at-home (of course, I had 2 brothers by 3 and 1/2 and a dad away in the Army). Do her teachers/daycare people think she’s ok? Does her doctor? How is she once you’ve left? I know it’s often a stage they go through but if the answer to all three of the above is “fine” then I think you are OK too!
Hmmm, can you work on the nights that you normally work for a couple of weeks and still get your work done? Did anything else change in the routine? Did something happen at school? FWIW we had butterflies here at home that hatched, and the “cage” looked like some sort of death match had occurred after they had hatched. I think it was their pee that was all red, but it really looked like blood. And they beat the crap out of each other until it warmed up enough to put them outside. So they can be scary. I don’t know what the solution is, I wish I did. Maybe wait for the market to settle down before selling the house? Still work because it is good for you, and maybe make a calendar to help her see what days are Momma days. Also saying things like “I need my big girl to help me with…” Maybe making her help out in a “big girl” way will help her feel more independant?
It is the age…my daughter went through a patch of not wanting to go to preschool because it was HORRIBLE and because SHE LOVED ME…it lasted about a month and then she was fine.
We also knew that she was fine at school..happy as a clam.
Hang in there.
It is tough, I know, to see that pitiful, crying face. But she probably does fine once you are out the door. We have hysterical kindergarteners every year on the first day of school and, once the parents leave, they are fine! Be firm, tell her you love her, you will be back soon, and then leave. As long as you give in to her when she is crying, she will cry so you give in. It’s pretty simple. Advice from a mom of two grown-ups and one toddler grandson. Good luck!
I don’t see what else you could do other than what you are doing! I think everyone who reads this post sees what a good mom - 3 year olds, not so much in general.
Hang in there. I’ve got 4 and at least 2 were clingy….guilt-trippy. As a matter of fact, you said about the butterflies - my almost 10 year old daughter has a bug thing and you would think the sky was falling even NOW if some creepy crawly (even a butterfly) is near her!
Oh honey, I know. I have all the books - Helping Your Child With Anxiety. Your Anxious Child.
I took her to a child counselor who played in the sand with her (she LOVED playing in the sand with that lady for a billion dollars an hour).
I wish I had some brutally honest answers for you, but it seems so individual. I think no matter what decision you make, she’s always going to know that you love her. You love her so much that it’s breaking your heart trying to make the right decision. Everything else is periphery - more work, less work, school, siblings, whatever.
And I always figure that no matter what I do, they’re going to need therapy anyway. May as well give them something to talk about during those long sessions.
Love to you guys.
It will pass, and then you will kinda miss it.
Last year my kids were 4 and 3 years old and they would lay out in the middle of the sidewalk screaming crying for me not to leave them at Grandma’s house. Nowadays when I leave them there they could care less. Sometimes I can barely get a hug goodbye before they are off doing their own things at Grandma’s. Talk about growing up too fast!
Whatever you decide, she is resilient, she is not going to be scarred for life. (I am sure you probably know that, but thought I should remind you.)
It will get better.
PS. Our house is worth $100,000 less than we paid for it *sigh*
I was guilted leaving mine to go work at the library when he was 3 (a year ago)... and he was home with DADDY!
I say don’t give in to the tears. I’m going through that now, leaving my son in child watch at the Y while I exercise. He cries on the drive there! I have a knot in my stomach while I work out! But I’m not giving in, and it’s getting better. I make sure he has something fun to look forward to afterward, too—something we’ll do together.
Hang in there! LB will be fine!
The never ending struggle.
I don’t have a job and I feel like worthless suck a whole lot of the time (And a total sloth. When I am not accountable to anyone, I have a habit of curling up on my bed and not moving.)
If I had the skills you do, I would probably be working at least part time.
But…I do love all the time I have with my kids.
I do agree with everyone and think that this is something that she will outgrow to a point. It isn’t like you are gone every day for hours and hours. I think you are doing your best, personally.
My kids are about the same ages as yours. My oldest is a pretty anxious kid, too. Generally, we tell her to suck it up. We love you, we care about you, we understand this may be hard for you/scary/whatver, but suck it up and next time it won’t seem so bad. So far, it’s worked.
My kids are the same. I get to stay home with my kids (hooray!) and when I drop them at a sitter’s or the Y childcare the baby cries and my 3yo says that she doesn’t like it and “I don’t want you to *leave*me there, Mommy!” They’re fine. They have fun. They still love me.
Why oh why do children have to make it so darn hard?
I wouldn’t worry too much about teaching them about all of the work in the blessings. She’ll learn ethics from her awesome mom just by example, I know.
It’s so tough weighing the needs of your children with the needs for yourself. We may be mothers but we’re still people too.
If working really helps you be everything you are, then I think stick to it. Barring abusive parenting, I don’t think we can do anything to mess our kids up too bad. It may be hard to adjust, but having a working mom will not be detrimental to her development.
I so get this post. There are many a times when I miss coding away in an office (on some recursive routine that will undoubtedly fail miserably) with my headphones on.
Of course you know that this too shall pass but it’s just so hard to see that when you’re in it. But I’ll say it again for effect, this too shall pass.
Pretty damn tough, ain’t it? I think that it’s something she’ll outgrow… and I have no advice other than making another attempt to work from home.
Personally, though, I think you owe it to yourself to do something you enjoy, are good at, and that will benefit your family.
If that means that she’s going to have to “get over it” - well, brutally honest here? She will. Or she won’t. But what good does it do YOU?
We are still women after we become mothers. Something we forget too often.
My 6yo Isa is also an anxious child. I end up making a lot of “deals” to make her at ease. “If you will sleep in your own bed all week, we will go to the zoo on Saturday.” and then I make a big deal about how brave she’s been. She’s also smart enough to know that she can play up her anxiety to get me to give in. Sometimes I just have to be tough and make her be tough.
It’s not easy, is it? Give yourself a break. Play up the benefits of you working besides her getting her own room someday. Maybe little immediate benefits like going out to get ice cream. Scheduling time for just the two of you.
You have probably tried all of this, but it will get easier once she gets through this phase.
Yeah, what those smart people said above me.
I know it’s heart wrenching hearing those kind of sobs, but she’ll learn and get through it. It’s the age, really. She’ll get through it (and you will too)
Honestly,If you do only work three days a week. And the rest of the time your showing her attention (but also some for the boy of course), then your ok. If your not working ALL The time then it might actually be good for her to be away from you EVERY NOW AND THEN. If she can’t ever be away from you then how will she go to school? Your ok. Your a WONDERFUL mom, One of the best I have EVER known.
THree days isn’t a lot. and you love your job. AND let me tell you that you loose your identity when your JUST a mom.
Your ok sweetie. Your doing perfectly.
She cries because she can. When it was time for my youngest to go to pre-school he cried if my ex or my sister dropped him off, it got a reaction form them, it usualy got a prize of some sort promised after school or at the very least some one on one attention at that moment. He never cried when I dropped him off, because that wasn’t an option. I was called cold hearted, distant and some other not nice things by my ex (hence…..) but it worked. There was no separation anxiety, no whining or fussing. It was just put to him as a fact of life and thats that. You don’t need to over explain anything, actualy you don’t need to explain at all. Mom is going to work, you are not. You are (insert her job here). Everybody has a job. Soon her job will be to go to school, or to dance class or a playdate without you, or a sleepover, get it in check now, so YOU can enjoy those times as well as her.
I agree with everyone else. It’s the age. My four year old is going through the same thing, and my mom (who babysits while I work) delights in telling me how he stares out the window and painfully sighs and says “I miss my mommy.”
Than again, he did that yesterday in front of me. But replace “mommy” with “ice cream truck guy.”
I don’t feel so bad anymore.
Drama, drama, drama…
You’d be sad without it:)
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