Coming to you and making no sense whatsoevah

27/Feb/2009

I dunno. Maybe it’s PMS. Or Estrogen hijacking. Or my lump-hair producing neck. But I’m ... I dunno…

Worried? No…

Anxious? No….

Unsure?

Maybe it’s the uncertainty that makes me want to watch Grey’s Anatomy for a good cry because I feel like MAYBE I want to cry but I don’t have a real reason to.

So maybe watching a delicious McDreamy will make me want to grab some tissue and weep a bit for someone dying on a table diagnosed with some godawful something because at least I know they had a short contract with The Show.

Does anyone know how long their contract is with This Show? No?

So I had my lump looked at today. I like to laugh at things because 1) usually it’s funny and 2) what the hell else am I going to do? So I asked told the technician I haven’t been in for an ultrasound in someplace like this since I had a wand jacked up my va-jay-jay. She laughed awkwardly. I do that: Make people Awkward. It’s a gift. Thank you.

So she looks for my bump and takes picture of my thyroid and keeps telling me it’s ok and nothing “palpable” seems visually bad. This is all fine and good. Except that she can’t say much of anything and I have to wait for my doctor to tell me it’s all fine and good. And really, I KNOW it’s all fine and good but you know that space between knowing and not knowing and worry? I’m there. Like thrust in the middle of knowing I’m fine and knowing a close friend with Thyroid Cancer.

I’m *this* close to going to church on Sunday.

And that is saying a lot.

Or maybe it’s because I’m reading Eat, Pray, Love: that makes me all sort of searchy or something.

Or maybe it’s my lump. Or the fact that a dear friend of mine went through this and found bad news and not good. And maybe I am realizing how hard that must’ve been for her and maybe I’ll appreciate my good news so much more because of it.

Because it will be good news.

It will.

I know.

Hi

10 guests here now.

Comments

  1. (((HUGS))) lady.

    I’m sure you will handle this with your usual awkward aplomb. :D

    Snort. That. Bitches.

    Luvs you madly…

    By VDog on 2009 02 27

  2. Oh and I’m TOTALLY gonna have to call you a Churchy Bitch if you happen to swing that way. lolz

    By VDog on 2009 02 27

  3. Good luck!  You really are one funny lady.  I didn’t get to spend much time with you at Blissdom, and from what I read on twitter, you certainly were the life of the party.  I sat on the end of the bed on Thursday night when you and someone were looking at something on laptop but I felt really out of place.  It took me til sometime mid-Friday to get my mojo back (I was a complete social-ite freak in my earlier years, I’m old now).

    Anyway, I have a thyroid disorder but not necessarily something of the cancer variety.  Seems to be hereditary so I do wish you good luck with your news and hope that at least they knew where to find the thyroid and that it wasn’t anywhere near where the generally poke that wand…

    By Jerri Ann on 2009 02 27

  4. OH, hugs to you woman.  I totally get where you’re coming from.  I’m a worrier.  It’s a curse.

    When I was 4 months pregnant last time I found a lumb right between my boob & my pit.  Following several Dr.‘s visits and such it was diagnosed as a wonky milk duct (technical term).  But no matter how many times I heard it, I still presumed the worst. 

    Good luck.  I’m drinking wine for (with?!) you right now.

    *MWAH*

    By AMomTwoBoys on 2009 02 27

  5. I don’t want to be all cliche and say “everything is going to be fine…..”
    But yea, well, I got nothing.

    ((((hugs))))) and *smooches* babe

    By Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire on 2009 02 27

  6. Okay, I have been PRECISELY where you are. PRECISELY. Thyroid, lump, nodules, biopsy ... the whole thing. Seriously. Remember, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis causes a massively distortedly large thyroid and is VERY COMMON in women our age and older.

    Even if they can’t see anything on the u/s, you still might need a biopsy, but EVEN THEN, do not panic! Well, the biopsy itself is rather sucktacular and not something I’d want to do on a spa vacation, but the results, not so much. We can talk about that, too, if you want, when/if that were to ever happen.

    And further, even if the worst, and I mean the WORST, happens, it’s still really totally okay. Thyroid cancer is very, very treatable (like, if you’re going to get any kind of cancer, sign your ass up for thyroid cancer, because you’re pretty much golden and it really doesn’t spread), and very, very rare. And as far as doctors are concerned, more of a nuisance than something to be totally and utterly freaked about. I know a woman who had it WHILE PREGNANT and the doc was all, dude! No biggie! We take it out, you move on! Hooray!

    She’s fine today. Promise.

    I don’t mean this to be dismissive, but rather, reassuring. I CRIED MY ASS OFF with relief when I got my biopsy results, even though I was relatively reassured.

    By jonniker on 2009 02 27

  7. When I had two moles biopsied last year I was so much more anxious than I thought I would be. Angsty, even. Keep us posted. Thinking all good things for you.

    By Kerri Anne on 2009 02 27

  8. Totally *giggling* at VDog’s comments.
    Go team awkward!  raspberry
    You’ll kick ass, I’m sure.  ;p

    By Al_Pal on 2009 02 27

  9. Wow.  I made a tongue smiley, and it says “raspberry”.
    I am amused.  raspberry

    By Al_Pal on 2009 02 27

  10. It will be good news!  Your friend’s reality may not be your own.  I hate that place between knowing and not knowing, it is like your mind is a bad neighborhood that you shouldn’t go into alone…my shout out to Anne Lammott.  Thinking of you, crossing fingers for good news.

    By Kim on 2009 02 27

  11. Wriglling my evil juju fingers at you wishing all bad thoughts away!

    By Adrienne on 2009 02 27

  12. Dude. *I* get to be the churchy bitch in this trio. You and your yeti lump are going to have to step off my name smile

    Appropriate bumper sticker of the week: God loves you whether you like it or not.

    of course if I had that on my car someone (VDog) would come along and slap a “Jesus loves you the rest of think you’re an asshole” sticker over it.

    By Dawn on 2009 02 27

  13. I have been there done that with mah boobie and the waiting and uncertainty is definitely the hardest part…you hang in there! It will all be fine. Just stay busy busy, love on your family, and drink a little extra this weekend.

    But seriously…you will be FINE!!!!!!!! You are fine.

    Hey…you’re fiiiiine. Smooch smooch. wink

    By Jamie on 2009 02 28

  14. I also had a similar experience with a boob biopsy and all. The tennis match in your head between “I’m fine” and “maybe I’m not” is the worst. I hope the results get to you soon so you can rest easy.

    I’ll be thinking good thoughts about you and your lady lump.

    By Diana on 2009 02 28

  15. Thinking of you…and waiting to hear your results which WILL be good!!!!

    By Tiffany on 2009 02 28

  16. You do realize they are going to call you and say (all serious like): “Mrs. Flinger?  Your lump is nothing more than a really really long ingrown hair.”
    (seriously, let us know asap!)
    (also?  it will be okay!)
    (it has to be)
    (i love you!)

    By Karen Sugarpants on 2009 02 28

  17. The waiting is the hardest part. (Why does that seem to be set to music, that term?) I hope you find out quickly that it’s just an ingrown hair.

    By patois on 2009 02 28

  18. I’ve so been there, too!  I remember freaking out and worrying BEFORE I knew anything, and still freaking out AFTER I knew it was something…even though everyone kept telling me that if you have to get cancer, this is the one to get.  They just take it out and you’re done.  And it’s totally true, and I don’t look like frankenstein, but I still freaked out.  And now it’s been 5 years and it’s all good.  (I just typed, “it’s all goo.”  Heh.)

    And anyway, you’re a pirate!  Pirates can totally handle it and ARRRR it away!

    By Jen on 2009 02 28

  19. The only thing that I am good at is worrying and fretting, so given any similar situation I will do the same thing. WORRY and STRESS.

    However, I too have been feeling the need to sit in a pew, and stand, sit, kneel and repeat as of late. Maybe it is something in the air? Or maybe we just need to take a little time out and pray for our friends.

    That is what I am going to do. Pray for my friend.

    MWAH!

    By Mrs. Tantrum on 2009 02 28

  20. Thinking of you and sending good healthy vibes your way.  Always know that we are here for you - to vent to, cry on, laugh at, gossip with, and generally keep you occupied while you wait.  Waiting is evil and I am sorry you have to spend the weekend letting your mind wander.  In some sick way it does make you appreciate the little things just a little more and in the end it’ll all be ok and when it is, we’ll be here to toast to your health and down a drink or three in your honor!  Love you and we are here for you when you need us.  Always.

    By Michelle on 2009 02 28