Find me on most of the social spaces as Mrs. Flinger
In an effort to launch something in a very short timeframe, after three months of coding in off hours for stints of a few minutes at a time, I used a framework to get *something* out. This is not code I would use for a client. Ever.
In fact, if you could see my face right now, you'd realize this is a little more than painful.
But, as sometimes has to happen with personal projects, the non-paying personal site takes a backseat to quality and gets dressed in handmedown code. Thanks to VMcore for the free ride here.
It’s funny (not funny ha-ha, more funny interesting) but I feel really similar. Wondering who I have become now that I have two kids and EVERYTHING seems different. I thought I was feeling that way because I’m a single mom. But I guess maybe that’s not it, if you’re in the same place too, huh.
One thing I have been finding truth in lately, though (besides Anne Lamott, where I always seem to find truth with a chuckle) is that grandmas often seem to reflect back and say that: 1) Those were the golden years and they flew by too fast, and 2) I thought I was doing it all wrong, but now I realize that I was just doing the best I could.
Syd, I love you. You and your Anne-Lamott-reading-wise-commenting ways. Seriously. Loved this.
I loved this.
I think no matter what the age, you lose some of your identity as the mother of young children. I also firmly believe it’s one of the reasons a lot of marriages DON’T make it past the 5 or 7 year mark. It’s WORK! But if you persevere, make time for yourself and your relationship, you can still catch a glimps of who you were. And it’s even better, because it’s who you ARE.
Tell it, sistah.
Just last night, I was frazzled by a frustrating kid-meltdown scene; I commented afterward to my visiting MIL that no one teaches you how to be a parent. She said “your children teach you.”
I just took on a consulting project, and it felt so good sitting in a meeting where I felt like the “old” me.
I don’t know who I am either. I mean, I play the QoSS online and Heather in real life, but WHO are they? The heck if I know.
Thanks for this. I am precisely in this place of trying to step up to the new me. I have no idea what’s taking me so long, as I’ve been a mama for nearly 3 1/2 years now, but at least I’m getting around to it. Maybe we can all figure this out together as we write and read. I know reading posts like this not only makes me feel less crazy and alone but also helps me find my way.
I’ve decided recently to give up trying to “be me” and accept my current role as “mom to two kids” and focus on little else. (I’m quitting my day job.)
In all honesty, if I have no ulterior agenda (is that the right term?), I’m so much happier in my Mom role. It doesn’t matter who I used to be, just what is now. It’s really forcing me to grow up and get over myself in So Many Ways.
Now, I need only to remember a bit of regular self-maintenance, so I don’t go completely insane.
I know how you feel. You will come through this, and it will make you a stronger mom. None of us have a clue what we are doing, and you know what our kids don’t know that. We do what we can, and make the best of it. (Make fun of the rest.) I mean if you can’t laugh at it all, what can you laugh at?
thank you for this, it is nice to know I am not alone. Just the other day I said to my hubby that I should just give up on being “me” and just focus on the kids for now. He looked at me like I had 2 heads.
I really like what Syd’s (first comment)grandma had to say. I know someday i will look back and say it all went too fast, but when I’m in the middle of kid-screaming hell, it is hard to keep that in perspective!
Wait. ON YOUR JOG? GO YOU!
Okay I was at this very place not 2 years ago…it gets easier as the kids get older, to find yourself, to find time for yourself, to find your brain and heart and body working together.
But I also think it’s a result of getting more sleep. Ha ha.
Nicely put! I know what you mean about the second child. It’s not quite the novelty it once was and it’s hard to focus so exclusively on parenting and on being the awesome mommy.
Ahh, y’all. I wish I had something more to give you than a big pile o’ mushy Mrs. Flinger that is just so glad to have people to share this with. :: sniff ::
The grass really is greener….I had my kids early. My first was born 2 months after my 18th birthday, my 4th when I was 23. I was so over my head! I look back on their younger days with a lot of regret, knowing that if I had been older and more stable I would have been a better mom. And of course now that they are growing up (my oldest is 19) I am coming to the realization that I will be a young grandmother. Sometimes I feel so old (at the ripe old age of 37)!
On the plus side, my youngest will graduate High School in a few years, and Hubs and I are totally planning on having the “honeymoon phase” that we didn’t get to have the first time around. Woo-Hoo, sex in the kitchen again!
I’ve sat here at my desk all morning, thinking about taking a jog simply to try to reawaken something, anything about the old me.
I know the old me, though - she was 30. Fifteen years ago.
The grass is not only always greener, sometimes it’s lusher, too.
I am the mom of twin boys (14 months old). I thought I would want the identity of the “old” me back. Since that test came back with those pink lines, I haven’t looked back. I think of it as adding to my resume. I am an independant thinker, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend, and a smartass. (I like to be kinda proud of that last one, it took me a long time to get there…hehe) I don’t think of motherhood as taking over, just adding to. Everyone who knows me, knew the “old” me and they know the “new” me and they embrace exactly who I am right now. No matter whether that person is chasing a toddler or sitting behind a desk. Every person sees a different side of you. You are a different person to every person you meet. Embrace all of the “yous” out there in the world because you’re only what you want to be in that exact moment. If you want to be your nineteen year old self, smile for a minute and bat your eyelashes at a passerby…you can totally pull it off.
I’m in this boat with ya sistah…been relying on coffee like its crack lately and I’ve paused to wonder if that’s such a good thing - I mean, its only since the first boy was born that I’ve NEEDED it every day like I do. And running? At least you run.
Not sure how old your little one is, but now that my 2nd is 16-mo-old I’ve gotten to a point where things have settled down a bit and I realize how much more I like being 30 than bein 18. I hope you get there, too.
What an amazing group of women here. Just…wow.
I think, as moms, we all find we feel like this sometimes. We get all wrapped up in the lives of our kids/family and forget about everything else. I know I do. I will admit to putting my marriage behind my kids and sometimes myself, but it’s such a dynamic mix of relationships, constantly shifting, changing. But I see my husband with my kids and I know that I have never loved him more. That counts for something.
I am a work-out-of-the-house mom, and there are lots of days where I hate it. I would give almost anything to stay home. Everybody’s balance is different, what works for them, what keeps them sane. While my kids don’t help my sanity, I know that work doesn’t either.
I kind of jumped around a bit here, but I hope that you can uncover the “me” you want to be, ‘cause she’s under there somewhere!
I had my first at 25 and I still am having many of the same feelings. I finally felt like I had a sense about being a mom to one when along came the baby. And I feel the guilt of my exhaustion. After all, I’m only 27. I should be the young mom who takes her kids to the park and runs with them or says yes to every playdate. Instead, I, too, am shuttling off to a nap in the mid-afternoon.
I so get it! I was 30 when I had my first and 33 when I had the second. Now at 41, I’m exhausted from working all day and running boys every night to practices, ballgames, or scouts. I just keep telling myself that it is keeping me young!
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