Mar 03, 2009

#Family Life

I’ve been athletic my entire life. I started with ballet at 4, moved in to gymnastics, dance, track, and cross country. I did crew, mountain biking, hiking and kayaking in college. I never really stopped to consider being fat. I wasn’t ever the thin girl, but I was athletic. Muscular. At worst: “thick”. 



Well, I’ve had two c-sections and two gigantic babies.

And a lot of wine.

Having such an athletic history, I tend to get strong quickly. All I have to do is, you know, work out. Or I thought.


I’ve been doing my usual workout for about a year and a half now. The weights, walk/run/jog, eliptical alternatives. I’ve hit a solid 156 and stayed there. This isn’t great. But it’s not bad, either. It’s my pre-Buddy weight. So what if it’s ten pounds more than I was when we got married? I mean, ten pounds? That’s not THAT bad, right?

Apparently those are Dog Pounds. Like dog years. Ten Pounds on my body at 33 equals 30 pounds on any other body.


I recently started “stepping it up a notch” by doing Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred. And HOLYEFF that bitch is good. I was so sore the first day I used muscles I hadn’t felt in months. No, years. And I also felt abs again. ABS! People! I HAVE ABS. Somewhere. In there.

So then I got REALLY motivated. I thought I’d try a class at the gym. The class is a 30 minute interval training. I always see a ton of skinny women going to that class and I have a strict “when in Rome” policy with workouts. It goes something like this; “Attend classes with fat old ladies: Look like a fat old lady.” (Which is pretty much why I don’t do aqua-arobics regardless how many times my knees might sieze up on me walking up the stairs.) So this skinny bitch class seemed perfect. Go in a fatty and come out a skinny bitch.


*Yes, I’m glowing as a thousand suns from my face because I DID STAIRS. OHMYGODHELPMEEeeee.

Think about your Jr. High gym class. Remember lines? Remember push-ups? Remember your lesbian gym teacher? (shudder) Well, think of the girl struggling to pull her weight through air. That girl? That girl is me. In this class: I AM the fat girl. I’m the one hanging on the climbing rope with raspberries on my thighs from my short shorts chafing. The one so red you think her neck popped.

The loser that needs an inhaler for her exercise induced asthma.

And yet, I keep going back. I keep being the fat girl who has to stop and breath. I keep muttering, “ohmygod” when the trainer says we’re doing stairs, or sprints, or one more circuit. I keep showing up hoping I’ll not suck this time but I always do.

I will keep going back.

I didn’t realize just how far my belly has taken me. How much of a tire its become. How far it can lay if I bend over. My ab muscles are still crying out for some help. Shhh, listen:


They’re drowning under all that fat.

So I’m promising to save my abs. I’m promising to move the fat off so they can touch my skin. I’m promising to stick with this god-awful class and to shred on the non-gym days because of this one fact: If I work so hard in a workout, why would I fuck that up with my eating? Suddenly a brownie doesn’t seem nearly as appetizing next to Jillian or my trainer yelling at me to GO GO DO NOT STOP.

And so it is that I’m joining the modern mama challenge and stopping the world to Shred with her (and them and her and her and her and her and you).

And, just for being her with me through this hell, I have a teeny som’n som’n for one lucky commenter. Lemme know if you’re interested in reading and/or trying the Flat Belly Diet I have one book to give away. (I got two accidentally. Long story… but it’s a good read and something I’m working in to my normal diet now.) So, join me!


By BlogHer I wanna be in those cute new clothes my SIL got me that currently sing on their own accord “Fat girl in a littllleeee coooaattt.” And I don’t want to have to wear a girdle. But I will buy a new bra. (Details coming up shortly on Room 704 of course.

Also, it’s opening week at Room 704 so go join in with some fun giveaways, ok? OK.
*No, we don’t have alcohol giveaways. We drink those.
**Yes, I really did take a picture of my gut laying on my lap.
***No, I will not get laid after he reads this.

***Wow, that was a move of utter intelligence. I named to blog posts the exact same thing and my website blew its brains out when you tried to comment here. Sorry ‘bout that. All is well now. Commence Commenting!


  1. I just done with my first session of “the Shred” and I’m sitting outside [with a bright red face] and drinking my Diet Pepsi and rum. How’s that for a post-workout drink? heh

    My main issue, other than never getting off of my butt, is diet-meaning I eat whatever is in front of me and I have an awful habit of cleaning my plate. Blame it on being raised in the South and threats of starving African children, but I do it nonetheless.

    Enter me in your book giveaway. Any diet has to be better than the everything on my plate diet.

    By Amy @ Taste Like Crazy on 2009 03 03

  2. GO, GIRL!!  I’m wishing I could work up the initiative to jump on the shredding bandwagon.  Excuse though it might be, this single mom thing is shredding me all on it’s own. 

    Here’s to be seeing you all be motivated and jumpstarting my ass in the right direction. 

    *big sweaty hugs*

    By Anissa@Hope4Peyton on 2009 03 03

  3. Woo-hoo! You can do it! I’ve always been the girl with the bright red, nearly purple face during any exertion. When I did Irish dance, my fellow dancers would look at me and say, “Are you OK?” I was fine, but looked like I was close to a coronary.

    I’m doing the shred, too, and putting together Hot by Blogher again. I think we’re all going to look fabulous by July!

    By Christina on 2009 03 03

  4. Me please - I think you’re talking about my body/belly. SERIOUSLY. And I’m also the girl in the last comment. In middle/high school gym class, and now at the gym where I actually PAY to have people look at me funny, my face gets so red (purple) that people literally ask me if I’m OK. YES I AM OK, I AM TRYING TO BE LESS FAT THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

    By syd on 2009 03 03

  5. Um, unfortunately, I need this. Too much FB/blog/Twitter.

    By Sheila on 2009 03 03

  6. You can do it!

    I really do need to do this too.  I would like to lose weight in my boobs, please.

    And no I am not joking about that.

    By Maria on 2009 03 04

  7. Flat Belly? I’m in desperate need of a flat belly - I won’t have chances of another one for about 7 more months but I can read up and master the art can’t I? Maybe that will get me on the fast track for a Flat Belly! I love the word Belly!

    By Meredith on 2009 03 04

  8. It’s time to shred the baby weight, but I’m hungry ALL.THE.TIME thanks to my 3-month-old who is sucking the life out of me!

    After 2 kids I’m seriously ready to flatten my belly!

    By Shab on 2009 03 04

  9. All this I’m hearing and reading about the Shred, I may need to check it out, especially since you mentioned the abs.  I miss my abs. 

    I’ve lost my motivation for the gym the last two weeks.  This has sort of given me some of it back.  Maybe I’ll actually make it back to my favorite Boot Camp class or spinning tomorrow morning.

    By Lesha on 2009 03 04

  10. Once I started exercising again in January, and was there five nights a week, the “eat right” part was EASY. Once I realized that a cookie/ice cream/huge bowl of pasta meant more time at the gym, it was easy to turn away and have a salad.

    Interestingly, I don’t miss the comfort food at all.

    Sadly, those around me sometimes wish I was still repressing my emotions with food.

    But the books I’m writing now are much richer and more emotional.

    Win some, lose some, I guess.

    I would be interested in that book though. At this point, after two c-sections, and two additional abdominal surgeries, I will do almost ANYTHING to flatten this belly.

    By Amy on 2009 03 04

  11. So proud of you!

    I have the sharpei belly action whenever I bend down to shave my legs. Sexay!

    By Jamie on 2009 03 04

  12. Save the Abs!  Much more appealing than Save the Whales.

    By mothergoosemouse on 2009 03 04

  13. You, my friend, are awesomely hot.

    And my belly totally does the same thing wink

    By Her Bad Mother on 2009 03 04

  14. So uhhh my belly also does the same thing and over on the sides too.  I’m so out of shape dude.  Can’t do anything till my back heals tho.  Frig.

    By Karen on 2009 03 04

  15. ok, I am cracking up!  Great post, love the “when in Rome” policy. 

    ohhh…to have a Flat Belly again! (sigh)

    By workout mommy on 2009 03 04

  16. Today was day 2 of the 30 Day Shred for me. I hope to work my way out of level one by the end of the first 30 days then do Level 2 for 30 days and then level 3. So maybe by BlogHer I will be able to wear all the cute summery clothes I own that don’t even close to fit any more. And I would love to win that skinny belly book! And, can’t wait to meet you in person at BlogHer! Woot!

    By fruitlady on 2009 03 05

  17. Go you!  It sounds like you’re going to do this!

    By WhyMommy on 2009 03 06

  18. Can you just tell me whats in the book? I don’t think I possess the arm strength to pick up said book since beginning the shred…

    By cursingmama on 2009 03 06

  19. OMG, I so love the gym picture. I’m thinking that’s kind of a “fuckI’vehadit” look.

    I know that one well.

    Cheers to getting fit and all that jazz (just joined up with the rest of the crazies..I mean shredheads)

    By WM on 2009 03 06

  20. Not to be too hokey, but I think you are perfect, just as you are.  xo

    By jenB on 2009 03 06