I know I posted a little about Baby O’s birth story. But what you don’t know is that I left out one very ironic and very ME piece of information. It’s the kind of information that rivals walking around the mall with toilet paper stuck to your shoe or your skirt tucked in to the back of your pantyhose. It’s the kind of information that is only horrific if you DON’T tell people and if you do, well, it’s downright hilarious. It becomes an inside joke. It makes you more real. And people, if there’s one thing I am, it’s real.
So there I am, on the operating table, legs spread-eagle, spinal-tap in place vaguely aware of the nurse putting the cathedar in and my doctor turns to his partner and asks him to step up to the table. “Leslie,” he says, “have you met my associate Dr. Needlepoint?” “Uh, no, I don’t believe I have. Usually I like to romance a man first….” I say as I glance down at my precarious position.
My doctor laughs. Dr. Needlepoint, not so much.
I then recounted this story, loudly, with my three friends during our Mom Night Out. I had already told them this story twice, I believe, but did so for the benefit of the very old stuffy looking man at the table next to us who so obviously was trying to listen in on our conversation. He shortly thereafter moved to the other side of the table.
So? What’s your story? I’m sure you’ve never EVER walked through a pile of dog crap just before a job interview completely unable to wipe the entire sole off and end up having to explain it to a room of very important people because someone actually said something about a dog in the middle of his question, that you can’t even remember at this time but are pretty sure had something to do with your good qualities, namely that you don’t smell like crap on a regular basis. (breathe here) No. That only happens to those other people. People like me.
My first post op ob appointment I am lying down, they are looking at my c-section scar and the doctor says “it looks great, try to keep it out of the sun”.?!?
Here I was running out to the nude beaches…damn doctor is trying to hold me back! Clearly he is male!
By Skyzi on 2007 06 28
See now…I think that is hilarious and Doctor Needlepoint needs to remove the corncob! It’s so nice when doctor’s actually have a sense of humor.
By sarahgrace on 2007 06 28
By Erin on 2007 06 28
My epidural had just started working and I was trying to relax a little when the young, cute anesthesiologist came in to monitor me. My mom was sitting next to me in a chair while the doc was scribbling on his chart. The next thing I know is that I hear this really LOUD and SLOW and LONG noise that sounded like a machine gun in slow motion. I looked at my mom in horror and asked her if that was me doing that! I couldn’t feel the lower half of my body let alone control the gas I pass. The cute doc said “I take that as a compliment. Like a huge burp after a good meal. I know I did my job well” . I WAS MORTIFIED!
By kelli on 2007 06 28
Yikes…I can’t (luckily!) top your example or Kelli’s above.
By AmyM on 2007 06 29
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I don’t have any childbirth bloopers to share that I know of (i.e. can remember) but once on college spring break in Daytona Beach I was standing by the pool wearing a bikini and and talking to some cute boys and thinking I was Miss Hot Shit and a seagull crapped on me.
By Jamie on 2007 06 29
Dear God do I love you. I know I have had some situations like this, butI can’t think of a single one at the moment. Expect a comment from me at 3am right after I sit bolt upright in bed having remembered some humiliating/hilarious experience that must be shared immediately.
By Sallyacious on 2007 06 29
Oh, y’all make a girl feel good about being hopped up on morphine.
By Mrs. Flinger on 2007 06 30