Geeky Talks
Five Reasons You Will Not Be A Dork At BlogHer (so stop worrying about it)
Last year I popped my BlogHer cherry. I went with my my close friends and we were there for each other to share shoes and do makeup and hair and in general ease the fears of our own insecurities. Or rather, they eased mine. (They don’t know a lot of bloggers so it was, “Hu, who’s that again? Who’s Isabell?” and I whisper “She’s kinda a big deal”)
Because I am… well… me, I do things in a Flinger sort of a way. Let’s recap the top five Flingerisms from BlogHer 08 and why you can rest assured you will do better, shall we?
1. I randomly hug pregnant women when pregnant. Two different occasions I found myself hugging (randomly) Kristin Chase and Amalah. Twice. I threw myself at them and their lovely pregnant bellies and they were so kind and so sweet they STILL TALKED TO ME later. Those ladies? Got class.
2. I met Maggie Mason and I had no idea. This is pretty much how that rolled out:
me: Hi! I’m Mrs. Flinger! Nice to meet you. :: pauses for recognition because EVERYONE KNOWS MISSUS FLINGER. (cough)
her: Hi! Welcome to the party. I’m Maggie Mason.
me: :: chokes on wine :: MAGGIE MASON!? AS IN THE MAGGIE. MASON. (realizes am using outside voice and gets awkward.)
her: Yes, that’s me. :: shakes hand :: Make yourself at home. (Thinks to herself, “freak”.)
3. Kelley noticed, and called me out, on my dirty feet. I don’t like shoes, ok? So sitting there in the keynote I hear, “Missus FLINGER! Look at YOUR FEET WOMAN!” and I see the lovely Kelley pointing at my retched feed. It was funny. In a “guess you had to be there” kind of a way. As in….. later….
4. I licked Isabell Kalman and it looked like bad porn.
Enough said.
(Really, SHE ASKED ME TO. I swear, this was not a rape-licking)
5. I spilled Teh Wine at Guy’s house. On my swag. And washed my feet in his pool.
Dear god of holy hell that’s mortifying. GUY’S HOUSE. You know him, right? (duh)
——————Other Highlights—————
1. Meeting Aimmeeeee (I give her shit about her spelling) and having her blog the following conversation:
Greeblemonkey: Oh look! There’s paella!
Flinger: I don’t think I read her!
2. Having some freak show hit on Jenny and me and getting him kicked out of the hotel.
3. Making Cat Schwartz say she knows who we are on video:
And, really, there are too many more to admit here. Just, look, you’ll be fine. I promise. Hang out with me and you’ll look like a freakin’ STAR.
Trust me.
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I’m giddy with the thought that in EIGHT DAYS I will be within hugging, smooching, licking, and drinking distance of you.
It’s been WAY too long!!!
xoxo
Let my non-BlogHer-attending pout begin…now.
Cannot wait to offer a photo narrative of life in Chi-town with Mrs Flinger!
I made the collage!
I can’t wait to see you again, sweet Leslie.
xoxo
Wow, you ARE a dork. I will fit right in. Yay!
Lol I can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer!
Kasandria
omg i love you more than chocolate. possibly beer as well.
ok, I’ll be there—-waiting for my rockstar status.
(and hug too. cuzz i’m pregnant and all)
“Retched feed”. haha! I know it’s a typo, but I can just envision someone in Google Reader going “ew!”.
Crystal, I JUST NOTICED that typo. UGH. I’m so the awesome, eh? and Workout Mommy, be careful. I tend to just RANDOMLY come up and hug pregnant women. When I’m drunk. Yea. AWESOME!
Karen, baby, girl you know it’s true. Ohohohhhh I love you.
Kim, Kasandra and Angella, Shash can’t wait! Squee!
Dancing_lemur, dude, follow along on twitter. It’s like drinking at home alone but TOTALLY OK.
Are you offering licks again this year? If so, I’m getting in line now.
I am SO MUCH LICKING YOUR FACE on Thursday. Just saying.
Can not wait til next week! I may in fact stalk you, so please don’t get me thrown out of the hotel. M’kay? Thanks!
At least you’re not hugging AND licking the pregnant woman!
It looks like a lot of fun and I am also a supporter of not wearing shoes. So go on bad with your dirty no shoed feet self!
Ree, also? Ass smacking! heh. (just ask Liz from Thompson Clan)
Grace and Greis, you’re ON!
Krista, seriously, I never work with shoes on. My brain, it needs to breathe. Apparently OUT MY FEET. heh.
I can’t wait to see you in person!
(also, I now have serious blog-reading homework to take up all my time for the next week…)
We apparently met a lot of the same people last year and yet managed to not meet each other. We did not meet, right? If we did then I blame my forgetfulness on alcohol.
This year we must meet!
I am not pregnant but you can still hug me.
I know everyone keeps saying I won’t be a dork or that I won’t be alone, but dude, I’m scared. I’m petrified of lunchtime and evenings.
When I planned to go, my closest blog friend (who lives in Chicago) was coming. Now her brother is getting married out of state. So I know precisely no one aside from a few people I had the privilege of chatting with a pre-BlogHer meetup for about an hour a month ago.
So seriously, how does one eat lunch without friends? Or strike up a conversation at a party? Find a group? I really don’t know. And I’m starting to genuinely panic.
Yeah, after spending many years of late-night and damn-when-will-these-kids-ever-shudup-and-go-to-bed stalking, I had the EXTREME pleasure of meeting Mrs. Flinger.
[backs up against wall]
Aaaand, my ass STILL hurts
[a.k.a. Liz from Thompson Clan]
Oh my God I love those pictures! Obviously you had an awesome time (i.e. the porn lick!)
You’ll have an even better time this time around!! I know it 
Anxiously awaiting Thursday.
So I can have you greet me at the 704 party going, “WHO ARE YOU?!?” and I’ll ask for Veronica again.
Cuz I’m all about the awkward, too.
You were an absolute highlight for me too, babes. Soooooooo sad I won’t see you this year. Lick lots of people for me.
You are all going to have so much fun. I’m already sulking because I won’t be there.
I want one of those Flinger pictures this time. Think my big-ass head will fit in the frame?
I love you.
Lick.. lick.
CAN’T WAIT!!!
Bwahaha, awesome stories! Love it! ;D
MISSUS FLINGER IS TEH BAWM, YO! ;p